Back to Angelus, It's time...

[Ananius]

The earth mage peered out of the red tinted window as Angelus came into view. It was such a beautiful place, many things to do, but infested with warriors. He had been thinking of how he was going to do what he had intended to do for a long time. He was sure that the warriors on Tyretia had reached the facility where he had ordered the unique collars. He could only imagine what ruthless slaughter had happened on the technology-rich planet.

Ananius then realized something. "Damn..." he cursed under his breath. His name had been in the order the doctor had sent to the production plant. The select group of warriors sent by Dominus would know his name, and where he came from. He knew that this would cause him trouble, but he had no worries. He was a mage, one of the most elite races in the universe. He was almost unstoppable.

Angelus came closer into view, and the computer bleeped, followed by a voice telling him he was nearing the planet. The rich forest came into view, along with the massive ocean to the side. Significantly reducing the pod's speed, it slowly entered into the atmospheric conditions. As he looked down, the glint of the sun had faded on the water, and he could see the dimly lit moon.

As it reached the ground, Ananius slowed his pod to a stop in a dense thicket of trees and bushes. He stepped out onto the dry, white sand and lay down in it. He watched the waves crash into the shoreline of rocks. As he sat there, he fell into meditative state, and from there, to sleep.

[Rikina]

And now the moment Cayne has been waiting for...

Ananius - Grading

Plot: 6 / 25

Character: 5 / 25

Originality: 0 / 25

Writing Style & Mechanics: 5 / 25

Total = 16 / 100

Ananius gains 192 EXP from this roleplay.

So now.. he has 7262 experiance total.

Why the grade:

~ You really could have been a lot more creative and descriptive about this.
~ "He ... He ... He" Enough with beginning your sentances with "He." Rearrange the structure. Play with the sentances a little, or at least combine a few of them,
~ While you ought to describe things a little more, you do use some unnecissary words and that sort of thing. You could do with tightening up what writing you have. Remember, quality over quantity. (yeah. THat sounds contradictory, but you really need more description, and a tighter way of describing)