Welcome to Fight An Eclipse! This is a Breaking Dawn AU RPG site! We are an intermediate-advanced site, so we are looking for at least 300 words per post. We’ve been open since the beginning of December and we’re growing each day. We’re a lot of fun and always looking for new members. So join the family! And make sure to stop in the cbox and say hi!
Ari had packed his things as fast as he could the moment the bind was broken. He knew that Emma could take care of herself; hell, he would have given her more freedom if he hadn’t been afraid of fucking up the protection for the bind. Besides, she had family nearby and she wasn’t exactly human. Naïve, yes, but not a helpless damsel in distress by any account. It didn’t take long to shove the meager possessions he had into boxes and bags and get the hell out of the apartment without a look back. The last time he had been on his own he had still been living in the motel. He didn’t have time to get a room right now, he had too much to do. When he got his life in order maybe he would return to the motel and rent out his godawful room once more. For now he was going to enjoy his freedom as much as he could. Ari instead drove over to Xavier’s house and grabbed his things out of the trunk of his clunker, tossing them into the spare room with the rest of his things. He stopped long enough to fill a duffel bag with some fresh clothes and to talk with Zee and Audrey for a few minutes before packing up and heading out once again. His car was idling in the driveway and he knew he had a long trip ahead of him that could not start soon enough.
He had a map and knew the general route he was taking. It was a few hours’ drive from La Push and would have been much faster if he had just ran in wolf form, but showing up all windswept with no explanation to his arrival was too suspicious. He was still impatient to get there and the car could not go fast enough. He had to fight himself to maintain some semblance of the speed limit. It was infuriating to him, but the last thing he needed was to be pulled over this close. He was this close to getting what he needed, he kept reminding himself. He only needed to wait a little bit longer. There were times when having vampiric senses would have helped him out, but the fact that he was free was so gratifying that he was not willing to trade it away. For the first time in a long time, Ari was truly alone. And that was the best feeling in the world to him. To be his own person and make decisions based on what he wanted rather than what was best for a person in his charge was oddly freeing. He had spent the last few months, first as alpha and then as guardian, looking out for others. Putting his needs aside in order to ensure the safety of those who looked to him to care for their wellbeing. And as much as he lived and absolutely thrived on being in control of the situation, it was so much responsibility that it stressed him out whenever he stopped to think about it. The windows were down and the radio was up and he knew he was pushing his old car to the limit but it didn’t matter because from now on, he could do what he wanted, when he wanted, and not have to worry about what anybody else told him.
Well, almost. In fact, that was part of the reason he was on the road speeding like a maniac. There was one person in his life that had been missing for far too long. She left long ago and it was his own fault really. Between being caught in the bind and not knowing what to do with the two situations and being the eternal pessimist that he was, he broke both of their hearts and thought it was for the best. Because really, when he had written that letter, it had been the best thing for them. He was stuck with a bind to Emma and there was no escaping it at that point. The knife was missing and she already thought binding was too close to an imprint to ever want to have anything to do with it. Add in the fact that imprints were emotional and that got confused at first too and you had a clusterfuck of problems coming your way. But after a few failed attempts that was already put behind them. The bind was gone, thanks to Jake trading in his car fixing services to a leech in order to acquire the silver knife that had started the bind in the first place. The blonde vampire had given them the wrong one and it led to so many different frustrations that Ari was sure he would never escape from his servitude. But all of that was behind him now. They had finally found the real knife and they had destroyed it and the bind along with it. And so now Ari was free to do what he wanted, and there was only one thing he wanted to do.
But he could not ignore that little voice nagging in the back of his head. It was the one saying that he was making a big mistake. No matter how much he wanted this, there was always the possibility that she did not. The voicemail had been rushed and sounded like she meant it, but id she was only trying to save his feelings she could have left it. Though why she would want to spare him after everything they had gone through was far beyond him. But there was the possibility that she was in love with the other. It could have been an attempt to get him to leave her alone. The two had not spoken except for Ari to return the voicemail saying that he understood her decision. But he didn’t really. He knew that she had been hurt by both of them and wanted to keep from hurting both of them. That was where his understanding stopped. That she could deny the electricity between them was laughable. It was not only a physical attraction but a physical need to be near to the other. When they were together it was like the pieces just fell together and everything fit the way it was supposed to. There was nothing else in the world that mattered when they were in each other’s arms. The two of them were stronger together than they could have ever been apart. It would not matter that he was showing up at nearly three in the morning; it would simply be alright once they were together. This was what he kept telling himself as he drove down the lonely interstate towards the northern part of the state. Everything would need fixing but it would be fixable once they were with one another once more. He had to hold on to that belief because it was the only thing that kept him going right now.
He kept getting closer and closer to the exit that he was anticipating so much. Once he got into the town he was going to have to rely on his wolfish senses to tell him which way he needed to go. But that was not going to be such a problem, because he knew her scent like he knew his own family. He could follow a cold trail for miles if it eventually led to her. And if he had to go wolfish in order to do it, he would do it. The road before him seemed to stretch on for miles and miles but he knew that he had less than twenty minutes to his exit. Once the road signs began to announce his destination he felt his pulse increase to a rapid pace that was nearly deadly. He had to gulp down air to prevent himself form hyperventilating. This was, by far, the single most terrifying experience of his life. When he arrived at his destination he had no idea what was waiting for him. Whether it was a warm welcome or a shotgun blast, well. He did not rule out either because he knew her temper and if the mood struck her Ari might find himself staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. He prayed it would not come to that though. The last time she had tried to attack him they had been secluded in the woods and had had the ability to shift. If they did it on a street in the middle of a town that had no idea what they were, they could be in some deep shit with quite a few people at that one. So he was going to keep praying to whatever higher powers existed that it didn’t come to that.
When he saw the marker for exit 241, he slid into the lane for the exit ramp and took the turn sharply. He knew that the road would eventually lead him to the reservation and from there it would lead to her. “All roads lead to Rome,” he muttered softly to himself, halting at a red light in the middle of nowhere. He was trying to stop himself from thinking too heavily about what he was about to do. It was starting to kill him to think about all the ‘What Ifs’ floating around in his head. He drove for what felt like an eternity until he hit the residential area. He pulled the car over then and slid out of the driver’s seat, standing on the gravel shoulder of the road and breathing deeply. She had only travelled this way the other day and the scent was still caught on everything. She kept her windows down when she drove and it fanned out into the night surrounding her. Ari grinned to himself softly. It would be easier than he imagined finding her. He slid back behind the wheel and slipped back onto the road smoothly. He just had to keep the windows down and follow the breeze. It was leading him straight back to where he wanted to be and everything told him to go faster, to drive reckless and do what he had to in order to win her back.
The scent led directly up a driveway to a cute little house set back from the road. Ari parked at the bottom of the driveway and sat in his car, staring up at the house. There was still a light towards the front which meant that there was someone at least still awake. The problem with knocking on a stranger’s door at three in the morning was whether or not they would answer. But they would of course, because she would smell him from the front porch and know. And so he gathered his courage before it fled again and stepped out of the car, sliding his keys in his pockets and hoping once more that she didn’t wolfsplode and make him ruin yet another set of clothes. He was really starting to run out of dress pants and did not have the money right then to replace them. As he stepped onto the porch the yellow light flicked on, momentarily blinding him. He heard someone inside shuffle before the curtain on the window was moved aside. He did his best to not look like a serial killer before the curtain was dropped and there was a lock click as the door opened, chain lock firmly in place. Ari nearly staggered back at the familiar scent that rushed out the door and slammed full force into him. She was inside. There was no way that he was wrong about that. It was the smell that was tangled into everything he owned and into the pillow that he pressed his face into every night before he fell asleep. She had to be in there, not just recently but right then. He could almost hear her heart beat calling out to him and it took all of Ari’s willpower to not just push his way inside to find her. His fists clenched momentarily before he realized where he was and forced then open once more.
A man stared up at him with a frown from behind the chain lock on the front door. The two stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before Ari cleared his throat. “Hello, I do apologize for the late hour, but it is of the most urgent necessity. Would Leah Clearwater happen to be here right now? It is somewhat urgent that I speak with her. Would you please tell her that Ari Grayson was at the front door?” He had barely finished speaking before the door was shoved closed and he heard the deadbolt slide back into place. A sigh of frustration left his lips as he stood there a few moments longer. He had known this was probably going to happen. It was three in the fucking morning for goodness sake! “What the hell was I thinking?” he groaned, turning and stepping back onto the lawn. It had been a waste of time driving out here. He was going to find a motel down the road a ways to stay in for the night and then try again tomorrow afternoon. Maybe in the daylight his reception would be a little bit more welcomed.
As he stood out in the front yard staring blankly down at his car, he perked up at a noise behind him. It almost sounded like the bolt on the door sliding home. But there was no way, because he had already had the door closed on his nose once again. Even so, there was always a chance…? It took everything he had to make himself take one step, and then another, towards his car. He refused to look back because at this point it was just pathetic really. He was being masochistic towards himself and he needed to stop, starting now. Waiting until the morning was a good idea. It meant that he would be less threatening to appear than at some darkened hour. It also meant that there was a chance she would be awake and out of the house and so he hopefully would not have to repeat this experience. Ari had almost convinced his legs to keep walking until that familiar scent wrapped around him once more. He froze in the mid step, stumbling to catch his balance before tumbling over once again. The door had opened again, he figured, otherwise her scent would not be pouring out into the night air like molasses, thick and sweet and sticking to the roof of his mouth. It was almost as though he could feel it slide down his throat and into his lungs as he inhaled deeply. Well, he figured, if the man had come back to the door, he might as well turn around and see what he would say. And Ari did turn around then and squint at the silhouette in the doorway back lit by the porch light. When he did, he felt the world slip out from under his feet.
It was an unspeakable hour of the morning but Leah Clearwater was unfortunately awake. Sleep was not a thing that came easily to her these days, and it was little wonder why. With everything with Ari and Jake, her mind felt like it was constantly racing with thoughts. She had finally made a decision, the only one she thought she could. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, giving up both of them, but she just couldn’t deal with the thought of choosing one over the other. She had also foolishly thought she might have some semblance of peace once she had reached the decision, but she was sadly mistaken. Jake had been a jerk, and had been confused and upset about the entire situation. Not knowing what else to do, she had packed her bags and went back to Neah Bay. Luckily her family welcomed her back, with only minimal questions. They knew everything that had been going on—although in another sense, they knew nothing. But they understand Leah was having 'boy troubles.' The stupid little words seemed woefully inadequate for describing the situation, but that was how everyone kept referring to it and she didn’t have the energy to comment.
Neah Bay was only two hours north of La Push, but somehow it seemed incredibly colder there. The frigid Canadian air swept down the coast and across the water, seemingly shoving itself into every crevice of the small, cute home her Aunt Cecilia and Uncle Ernie lived in. They were not in fact her aunt and uncle, but the actual blood relation was something convoluted and confusing and it was just easier to call them aunt and uncle. That first night she was there, they were out at some tribal thing, so Leah cried quietly to herself in the spare bedroom as realized she should have chosen Ari, but was too proud to go back on her decision. Stupid, stupid Leah.
Then she had decided to meet up with Caden for drinks, at a bar outside Ozette Lake. But then Jake texted her drunk and messed everything up. He had been on his way to Canada but got sidetracked—and wasted—at Makah and now didn’t know where he was or how to get home. Leah arranged for Ralphie to take him back to La Push on his way down to the airport, but Jake refused to go with anyone except Leah. The whole night was incredibly stupid but in the end, she ended up going to a bar with Caden outside La Push—and embarrassingly spilling her guts—and then going to Jake's to lay with him until he fell asleep, when she then snuck out and drove back to Neah Bay. It had been an exhausting evening, rather than the relaxing night out she had been hoping for. So tonight she was avoiding everyone. It had been successful so far but now it was nearing three AM and she couldn’t sleep.
She sat in the guest bedroom at Ernie and Cecilia’s house, listening to the hushed sounds of her extended family breathing. Ernie had fallen asleep reading the newspaper on the couch, and she wondered if she should go wake him, make him go back up to bed. She knew he would be more comfortable up there, especially with his back problems, but she also knew he often had trouble getting back to sleep after waking.
Still undecided on the matter, she padded down the stairs anyway, as she was sort of hungry. Rummaging silently in the fridge for something that appealed to her, she heard the sounds of a car approaching. Figuring it was the neighbor's kid coming home way too late again, she froze when the car instead stopped at the bottom of the driveway that led to Cec and Ernie's house. Her first instinct was defensive and predatory, assuming someone was up to no good. But the person made no secret of their approach, and Leah relaxed, if only slightly. As the footsteps grew closer she recognized the scent drifting through the walls. It was Ari. Unmistakably Ari. She dropped the Tupperware she hadn’t even realized she was holding, and it popped open, spilling spaghetti all over the kitchen floor. A meatball rolled across the floor as she stared, horrified and hopefully and oh so confused, at the front door.
The sound of the Tupperware falling woke Ernie up, and he took one look at Leah's face and freaked out. She couldn’t tell him that she smelled her ex-boyfriend walking up to the front door, so she quickly murmured that she had heard a strange noise and rushed over to the front door to peer out the window. Ernie followed her, switching on the porch light. She didn’t need the light to see, but Ernie didn’t know that. It was Ari, not that she didn’t already know that. But something about seeing him there, on her aunt and uncle's front stoop, made it that much more real. Ernie saw the look on her face and wrenched open the door, peering out at the stranger on the other side through the crack left by the chain lock. Leah stood pressed to the wall, just out of sight of Ari, who was speaking to Ernie as her uncle listened silently and stoically. As soon as Ari stated his name, Ernie slammed the door, locking it again and turning back to Leah, who was almost shaking as she supported herself against the wall. Hearing Ari's voice had made it almost too much for her, and her uncle looked on with concern. He knew Ari by name, knew that this had been the latest man to break her heart. She listened to his fading footsteps as he walked back towards his car.
"You don’t have to talk to him," Ernie said to her quietly, a look of concern on his face. He assumed Ari was still standing on the other side of the door. "I can go get the shotgun," he added, and it was then that Leah noticed his hands were balled into tight fists. He was really angry. She shouldn’t really have been surprised though; Ernie always had been a little overprotective. She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him. "I know Ernie. It’s okay," she said, doing her best to keep the quiver out of her voice. Everything in her was calling her to go to the door, to run after Ari, to do something, but she just stood there helplessly. Her uncle's heartbeat slowed and his breathing returned to normal, and he went and sat back on the couch. Leah moved to the window, and pushed the curtain aside slightly to confirm that Ari was gone.
But he wasn’t. She could make out his forlorn looking form, standing on the front lawn with his back to the house. She knew it was probably a bad idea but before she could stop herself she was opening the door again, sliding off the chain lock. Standing in the doorframe and looking out into the night at the man she loved. Loved, but shouldn’t. Their eyes met across the 3AM darkness, and she heard herself whisper to her uncle that she would be right back, and she stepped out the door as if in a trance. She was wearing little more than an oversized white tee-shirt, and her hair was surely a mess, these facts did not even register in her mind. She wanted in truth nothing more than to run over and fling herself into Ari's arms, but she did everything she could to resist the temptation. Instead she walked slowly up to him, her mind swimming with confused thoughts. She knew he had gotten her voicemail, as he had left one in return, saying he understood. The fact that he was here meant the bond must have finally been broken, but she didn’t understand why he would come to her. Her, who had told him she could not be with him.
She stopped a few feet away from him—making sure to keep some distance between them so as not to temp herself further. It was hard being so close to him, wanting to badly to touch him, but forcing herself not to. "Ari…" she said softly, longingly. "What are you doing here?" The words came out pained, and she hated how weak and pathetic she sounded. Wrapping her arms around her torso as though she were cold—though of course she was not—she looked up at him, at his strong, handsome face, and waited for his answer.
Ari could do nothing but stare as Leah walked towards him. This was the one thing that he had wanted for so long and now he could hardly believe that she was standing in front of him. He noticed her disheveled appearance and felt awful about waking her up but he still could not get over the fact that he could see her there. He had been spending too much of his time thinking about her for the last few months and now that she was there he didn’t know what to say to begin. The two of them stood there for a few moments before Leah started speaking. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable and that it was mostly his fault, but what was he supposed to do? He knew that he told her he understood but the fact was that he could not understand what would cause her to want to leave him after everything the two of them had together. It was a bit fucked up at the moment but there was nothing unfixable about the situation. And it frustrated him to know that he had had a hand in the complicating matters so much that it had come to this. He had left her against his will and told her to find herself happiness. Leah, to her credit, had tried to do this. It led her to Jake and reopened old wounds and put her in a constant state of turmoil because she was still worried about hurting him. Him, Ari, after everything that he had done with the bind in place by writing that letter, still had this angel standing in front of him at an ungodly hour of the day willing to give him the chance to speak still.
He stood there, transfixed and content to just look at her. The silence stretched between them for a few moments longer before he shook his head to clear it. “I…I don’t know really,” he half laughed at himself, running a hand through his hair. “I just…I just needed to see you again. The bond is broken, well you could have guessed that, but.” Ari started and stopped at random. His mind was a mess. Even though he had come up here with the intention of seeing her, it made everything so much more real now. These last few months had been hell on them both and Ari had been so sure that he was going to lose her forever. Hell, she had told him flat out that she no longer wanted him so that pretty much reaffirmed his loss. But even still, here she was, standing in front of him and looking more than slightly confused. And with her hair a wreck and looking so vulnerable, Ari was sure that he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He lost the self-doubt that he had been building up in the back of his mind as he stood there and looked at her. She was his whole world anymore and he knew that he would do anything in order to get her back, even if it meant walking to the ends of the earth. She sounded just too open in that moment, and that was something he had missed. As of late Leah had put her walls back up in order to keep him out and it hurt so much more than he could have thought it would. But now? Now he saw a chink in that impenetrable armor and felt the hope surge in his chest at what it might mean.
He had to smile at her. “What am I doing here? Silly girl. Do you really think there is anyplace else I would rather be?” He shook his head at her. He wanted so badly to touch her, to kiss her, but she had stopped short to keep the distance between them and he would not cross that boundary without her permission. “Leah, I know what has happened between us. And I know what you said in the voicemail, and what I responded with. But after everything there was, I want you to look me in the eyes right now and tell me that every fiber in your being isn’t telling you to fall against me, because its taking all I have to not kiss you right now. So if you meant what you said, just say it again and I’ll leave and you will never have to see or hear from me again. But if I have any chance, no matter how slight, to get you to come back to La Push with me and try to work things out, then tell me now and I will wait here however long I have to in order to win you back. Because I just can’t live without you in my life Leah. Not now, not then, not ever. You are the piece that has always been missing from me. And I love you too much to let you go without fighting for you. I am sorry if it causes you pain but this is not something I can just walk away from. I just cannot let you go so easily.” He looked at her pleadingly, willing her to just accept his words. He meant everything he said and he wanted to make it work so desperately. Ari was not even sure what he was going to do if she turned him away. Everything leading up to this moment had been based on the hope that she would eventually change her mind and take him back. If she told him no now then he would be at a loss as to what to do with himself for the rest of his life.
The chill that had seemed to seep in Leah's bones over the past months suddenly felt like it was lifting. Just being near him, hearing his voice wash over her like warm waves made everything seem a little warmer, a little brighter. Even though it was breaking her heart at the same time.
She watched his face, transfixed, as he spoke to her. Determined not to become the weak, quivering mess she felt like inside, she did her best to steel her face and her body against any inadvertent expression of her emotions. The intense feelings swept over her like tidal waves though, and with every word he spoke she found it more and more difficult to stay standing, to stay stoic and emotionless. He was right, of course. She wanted nothing more than to be touching him, kissing him, telling him he was right and she was stupid and please oh please could they forget the idiotic things she said and make this work.
But she could not, would not, allow herself to do that. Her heart swelled with love at each of the things he said, but the voice inside of her head kept breaking it all over again as her conscious whispered that she could not be with him. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t allowable. A part of her was still stupidly convinced that this was the way things had to be.
Her traitorous eyes, oh hateful eyes, became wet with tears that she did her best to hurriedly blink away, lest they begin to fall down her face. Damnit, why did she always have to cry? She wiped away the wetness with her hand before her cheeks became streaked with them. Her feather duster lashes were wet and clumpy, making her eyelids feel impossibly heavy.
The pleading look her gave her once he had finished with his speech was almost too much for her to bear. Involuntarily she moved towards him, until only a few breaths of space separated them. Her hand moved to his cheek, and she stroked it gently, lovingly. "Oh Ari," she breathed, before snatching back her traitorous hand. Why were all of her body parts revolting on her this evening, when she so desperately needed them to behave? She retained the close distance, however, as she didn’t think she could stand to move back now that she was so close. "I couldn’t possibly deny that I love you, so much, so I wont. And you are right, of course, that’s it nearly impossible for me to resist throwing myself into your arms like some airheaded love-struck fool in a cheesy romance novel. But Ari, I…" she took a steadying breath, as the confidence she had felt for a moment began to evaporate in the wake of what she was about to tell him. Her eyes slid away from his face and she turned her head to the side before she continued, ashamed. "I love Jake, too. And I couldn’t possibly ask you to be with me, when you aren’t the only love in my heart. Nor could I ever ask you to wait for me. It isn’t fair to you. You deserve better than that."'You deserve better thanme,' she thought, though she left that part unsaid.
"I guess I understand now, why you did what you did before," she continued, still staring intently at the ground to the left of her. Her voice was so quiet now he never would have been able to hear her had he not been of a supernatural nature. "I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Ari. If that means ripping out my own heart so that you can find some happiness with someone else, then so be it." Her voice broke on the last words, betraying her. She couldn’t imagine life without Ari, but it was true she would do whatever she could so that he might live a happy life, the one he deserved. Even if it was without her.
As he spoke, Ari watched the tears fall down Leah’s face. He had known that it was going to be hard but he was torn between distraught and hope when he saw her displaying such an emotion so openly. There was such a chance of everything going to hell that he hadn’t been expecting any sort of emotional response from her at all. And after everything, it probably would have served him right. He felt such a relief at that it was hard to contain a small hysterical laughter from slipping out of his chest and rumbling into the air between them. But now, now Ari was sure that everything was going to work out in the end. He knew that it was going to take time and effort to make it happen but ultimately they would have their happily ever after and that was all that Ari wanted anymore. All he needed was her in his life to make everything feel right.
When Leah rushed over to him and put her hands on his face, Ari felt all the tension leave his body immediately. He would have wrapped his arms around her had she not pulled away from him immediately after. There was something wrong, and he could feel it. To have her pull away was like another stab of pain to his heart but he knew that Leah would not have done it without good reason. He watched the warring emotions flashing across her face and knew that something was still weighing heavily on her. There was no other reason for her to have pulled away from him otherwise. Though she pulled back, she stayed impossibly close and he had to fight the urge to reach out to her, to take hold of her and pull her close. At that moment Ari wanted nothing more than to bury his face in her hair and hold her to his chest. But he could not, would not, especially with such an emotion tumult going on within her. He waited somewhat impatiently for her to speak. And when she did it came as no surprise at first. Ari felt his heart sing when she did not deny him. She had said the words he had been replaying over in his mind since the day they met, and she still meant them regardless of everything. They still loved each other, and this was something fixable. It was, he told himself, because he was at a loss if it was not.
Jake was what was weighing on her mind. Jake, who had caused her so much grief already and had ultimately given her up so that she could be happy with Ari, like she had been before all this mess. Though the two did not get along or even see eye to eye, Ari would be indebted to the younger wolf for being so selfless in this one act. Though they two would never get along, Ari would respect him for this if nothing else. He had been the one to find the knife after all. It was Jake who had made arrangements with the blonde vampiress, Renata, and traded her in order to obtain the knife that had broken the bind between them. Jake had done all of this for Ari, for Leah, and t give the two of them a chance at happiness, even though it meant giving up his own. And it was Jake who thought that Leah and Caden were dating at the moment, though they were not truly. Even Ari had to scoff at that idea. Leah was not the kind of girl to make a bigger problem out of the mess already in place. Caden would just be too much of a problem and it would take too long to sort everything out after that point.
And so Ari did reach out to her then and grasped her chin, turning her head back towards him. “Leah, how do you think I got out of this bind? Jacob is the one who found the vampiress, and he is the one who made the deal to get the knife. He did it because he wanted you to be happy Leah Clearwater, and he did not think he could ever make you as happy as you were when you were with me. If you think that I would let you just walk away like that…” Ari shook his head and dropped his hand away from her. “Leah, nobody loves you like I love you. Even when you were with Jake, the both of you had hearts torn in two. You were both conflicted, just like you are now. And I know Leah, I do, how it feels to not know what you really want. So if you do not want me, I will accept that, but if you do not want me because you want Jake as much as me, I am not going anywhere. That is a, what did you tell me?, “a bullshit escape” ? You are walking away because you are scared and confused and cannot know which way to turn. I already told you Leah Clearwater, I will wait for you however long as I need to in order for you to make up your mind and I will respect whatever decision you make. I cannot, will not, walk away from you because you would rather wallow in misery than try to resolve the conflicting emotions fluttering around in your heart. You are giving the same reasons that I gave to you when the bind was in place Leah. I had no choice and at the time no hope of ever coming back to you. I understand if you are scared of making the choice and if you are worried about hurting one of us in the process, but you cannot keep lying to yourself in hopes that you will one day be able to forget about this. About us." Ari shook his head and looked at her. ”All I know is that I love you Leah. If that is not enough for you, then please, tell me and I will go. But do not tell me you love me too much to be with me because that is a coward’s way out and we both know it. How could I ever be happy with anybody who isn’t you?"
His hands on her face was nearly her undoing, the simple and innocent touch eliciting a fierce whirlwind of emotions. She stared helplessly into his eyes as he spoke, at a loss as to how she could possibly keep up this charade when he was here in front of her, so close, saying such wonderful things. He made it sound so easy to just give in and be with him. In a sense, it was easy. It was beyond easy. It was the ramifications of such an action that would be difficult to deal with.
But maybe it would be worth it in the end. No, scratch that, she knew it would be worth it in the end. Happily ever after with Ari? She would walk through fire for that pleasure. So why couldn’t she just admit he was right and agree and start working towards her happy ending? Maybe she was just a glutton for punishment. Maybe she had just become so accustomed to being unhappy, she didn’t know how to be happy anymore. Was afraid of being happy.
She knew that wasn’t entirely it though. She knew Jake was a huge part of her reluctance. It was incredibly unfair that he should get the short end of the stick here, considering everything. But Ari had a point; he had broken the bind with the intention of Leah and Ari being together once more. And had he not repeatedly told her over the course of the last few days that Ari was a much better match for her anyways? Leah wasn’t always entirely sure he believed all the things he said—after all, she knew no matter what people say, it was extremely hard to give up someone you love, even if for their own good. But in a way she supposed she would be doing Jacob a major disservice by disregarding all of his hard work.
None of this was exactly new material. She had hashed and rehashed this list of pros and cons in her head for the past week or so. But with Ari here in front of her now, trying to persuade her to change her mind, that tipped the scales a little. Not that Jake hadn’t tried to change her mind as well, but he was drunk and crying on the forest floor when he did. His actions the past few days had served as a searing reminder that he was just a child. He frequently acted above his age, but not always. He was still a seventeen year old boy at heart, and Leah Clearwater needed a man.
Ari was a man.
Despite all this obsessive weighing of the factual information at hand, Leah was not truly a rational being. She had been thinking with her head a lot lately, and so far it was not really working out for her. Her gut was often reckless, wild, stupid and selfish, but she was starting to think maybe it was right.
At last she spoke, breaking the heavy silence of the early morning. "Of course that’s enough for me, Ari," she murmured, closing the last of the space between them and reaching up, linking her arms around his neck. She leaned forward as if to kiss him, but stopped just short of his lips—though every atom in her body cried out in protestation. "The question is, am I enough for you?" she breathed, her mouth hovering just centimeters above his own. She had informed him of the state of things, and now it was up to confirm he was willing to be patient with her and her half-heart as she worked through this, that she might one day be able to give herself completely to him once more.
When Leah slipped into his arms, Ari immediately wrapped his arms around her. He could not have helped it if he wanted to. It was the place that she belonged in the most. Hell, his arms were made to fit around her. She stopped just short of kissing him and he let out a frustrated growl. It was one thing to say that she needed time and space. It was another to keep leading him on like this and pulling away. If she hoped that she could keep doing this and keep him away she was out of her mind. He could be patient but he was not a saint. It was frustrating him to not know what she wanted. Since she was so indecisive he did not know what to do with her. He feared if he made the wrong move he would scare her away, potentially forever this time. Ari was, truth be told, terrified of what might happen.
Still, he could not help himself when he leaned in and kissed her. She was centimeters from his face; what else could be done? He kissed her and it was like a breath of air after so long. He had missed this, missed her. He missed pressing his lips to hers, holding her tight in his arms. He needed to be with her and it was killing him to not know what was going to happen between them. It wasn’t entirely up to him anymore. He had to respect whatever it was that Leah wanted and she had already told him she did not want a relationship. But her actions were contradicting everything and he honestly had no idea what was going to happen anymore. He felt like he had been turned on his head. Though he had not expected this to be easy, he had not expected this to be so hard. Things had gotten so complicated ever since the bind and finding out about Jake and everything that had played out since then. Ari had missed so much in her life while he was away playing bodyguard to an ungrateful spoiled half-breed that he had lost out on the things that he valued the most in his life. And now she was standing in front of him and doubting herself like Ari doubted himself too.
“Of course you are enough for me Leah. You always have been.” He shook his head at her. “But you have to tell me what you want. I cannot begin to guess which of the contradictions is true. You want me but you cannot be with me but you want me to hold you and to kiss you but you love Jake. Will you tell me what you want Leah, please? Before I go crazy running in circles. If you want me to wait, I will. But you cannot push me away and hold me close at the same time. All of this yo-yoing is going to make me lose it. I will wait for you, but you have to tell me Leah. What am I supposed to do? What do I have to do to prove that I love you and want you? Nothing seems to work.” He was tired and frustrated and what was supposed to be a happy moment was turning into so much confusion that Ari didn’t even know which way was up anymore.
For a few frightful moments, Leah thought Ari wasn't going to kiss her. Now you've done it Clearwater, she thought to herself. She shivered slightly, not from cold but from a kind of icy fear, that he had changed his mind or something. That he had realized she was right, that he deserved so much better. His low growl brought to mind so many memories, from that first meeting in the woods when they had fought, to intimate nights together that seemed like memories from another life. Involuntarily, she found herself holding her breath, waiting to see what he would do.
And then thank fully he kissed her, and a zing of pleasure sent itself coursing through her body, all the way down to her toes. She had missed this, so much. He pulled away much too soon, and she found herself a little breathless, leaning forward slightly, her lips following his in a blind quest for more. Quickly, she caught herself, and pulled herself back. She slid her arms from behind his neck, but instead rested her hands on his chest, unable to pull fully away now that the touch barrier had been broken. As her spoke, her brow furrowed into a frown. Why was she so bad at expressing herself? He wasnt understanding her, though she supposed he could hardly be found at fault for that, seeing as she hadnt really been explaning herself very well. Trying to organize her thoughts, she closed her eyes for a moment before she spoke.
"I do love Jake, Ari. I'm not going to deny that, and I dont want you to forget it. Because its important. But I love you, too. I love you more. I swear I do." She paused, still struggling to find words to express what she was trying to say. Biting her lip, she found her gaze wandering involuntarily to Ari's mouth. His perfect mouth. 'Damnit Clearwater,' she thought to herself. She was never going to be able to form coherent explanations with that temptation so near. Slowly, relucatntly, she pulled out of his grip and turned herself slightly, so she was facing the vacant lot next to Cecilia and Ernie's place. The frustration and despair in Ari's words repeated in her head as she thought.
"See, this is exactly what I mean. I'm such a friggin mess I couldnt possibly be anything close to what you deserve right now.," she said quietly. "But," she continued. "But. I dont know that I have the strength of will to stay away from you. To live without you." Swallowing heavily, she watched a rabbit hop out from under the bushes next to Cec and Ernie's place, and continue on towards the thick, overgrown grass of the vacant lot.
Leah gave a hoarse laugh, the sound of it cutting through the night jarringly, seeming out of place in the current conversation. "I've always been sort of selfish. Its considered a character flaw, usually. I've gotten a lot of shit for it over the years." She paused, shifting her focus to the ground, tugging absently at an errant thread coming out of the teeshirt she wore. It seemed like a pointless line of conversation, but she wanted him to really understand why she was being the way she was, why she was handling the whole mess this way. Pulling loose the string she had been tugging on, she rolled it into a tiny ball between her fingers before turning back around, facing Ari once more. "And then here I am, for once trying to do the selfless thing here, and everyone keeps telling me its the wrong thing to do, and how stupid I'm being. Not understanding that I'm trying to let the both of you go because I love you, not inspite of it." Giving him a weak smile, she wrapped her arms around her torso to prevent them from trying to reach out to him. She wanted to get this all out before she lost herself in the bliss of his touch.
"But wouldnt you know it, I'm tired of being selfless. Already. I should have known I wouldnt last very long, but I had some kind of blind faith in my ability to torture myself." She gave a short laugh again. The more she talked about it, the more ridiculous the entire thing seemed.
The whole time she had been facing him, she hadnt looked him in the eyes. But now she met his gaze once more. Shrugging her shoulders, she told him simply, "I want to be selfish, Ari. I want you."
[[WRITTEN IN GMAIL AT WORK SO SORRY IF IT SUCKS LOL]]
Ari nodded at her. He understood what was bothering her, but she was making a far bigger deal out of it than either of the boys had done. She knew what it was like to have her heart broken and to have it happen again and again. This time she was on the other side of the hurt and was doing to hurting. It was understandable that she was afraid of hurting either of the boys. The only problem was that by trying to save everyone from hurt, she was hurting all three in the process. It was an impossible situation until she faced the facts that somebody was going to wind up harmed in the long run. Jake had already accepted his fate and had even helped Ari to get back to Leah. She was just being too damned stubborn to realize anything. “I do know that you love him Leah, and I know that will not change quickly. Hell, it might not change at all. But ultimately, you are going to have to make a decision dependent upon harming someone. You can hurt all three of us or simply two or one. There is no way out of this without someone being harmed Leah, you are right. The choice is just who it is that will be hurt. I know you love Jake and want to be with him and also with me. It is, as it always was, up to you.” He knew it was a heavy burden to carry on her shoulders but she was the only one who could do it.
She turned away from him and he frowned, small lines creasing his forehead. Ari could see that she was struggling to word what she was feeling, and he let her. “Leah, I am not worried about that, believe me. I told you that I was willing to wait for you to come around to your decision, and I will stand by it. You are perfect for me and everything I want. Even if you are falling apart at the seams right now, I want to be there to put you back together. I know I cannot live without you Leah Clearwater and I don’t want to try.” As he spoke the words, he realized that they were true. He would not, could not, go on without her. He felt the bottom fall out of his stomach as the world crashed into place. He loved her more than anything else and it was time to do something about it. “I do not think that you are trying to be wrong, but in this case the situation is wrong for your actions. Trying to be selfless and taking what looks like the easiest route of escape can sometimes be the same thing in appearance. I believe that you believed you were doing the right thing when you turned us both away, but I hope that you can see things in a different light now. I hope you can see that I want you as badly as you want me.” He smiled at her then. All he wanted was her all he ever wanted was her. From the moment he laid eyes on her in the forest this was how he had felt. And he had meant everything he had said to her, even if it had not had the intended outcome. All he wanted was to see her happy. He thought that maybe he had been wrong telling her to find happiness somewhere else, just as he had fooled himself about being happy for Leah when she was with somebody else. Because whenever she was gone from him, he felt a piece of himself missing as acutely as if he had lost a limb.
And it was with that thought in mind that he approached her now, smiling. He leaned down and kissed her lightly, a soft peck on the corner of her mouth as he took her hand in his. He looked at her for a long moment, breathing in the smell of her as he gathered his courage. If this didn’t kill him, he was pretty sure her uncle standing behind the door would. But in his heart this felt right. To him, this was how it was supposed to be and he had to take the chance. He had to risk his pride and his heart and chance that she would not hurt him. He smiled a little at the thought that this is what she felt like in giving him a chance. And so, with one last deep breath that brought more of her smell into his lungs, he took a half-step backwards and dropped to a knee. “I love you more than anything else. I know we have our problems in the past and still have some to work out in the future, but I cannot live without you in my life. You are everything and more to me and I never want to be a part from you again. You complete the piece of me that is missing. Leah Rose Clearwater, will you marry me?” he asked, his voice shaking slightly throughout his little speech. He held his breath as he looked up at her, her hand still in his, and waited to see how she was going to react to his impromptu proposal. Ari could feel his heart thudding in his chest wildly as he waited.
It was unreal how patient and understanding Ari was being with her. Leah knew that if the tables were turned, she wouldn’t be anywhere near as wonderful and supportive. The knowledge of that sat heavy and uncomfortable in her stomach, like a stone. It seemed no matter what she did, in no matter which direction she looked, she just kept finding more and more reasons why she was so terribly inadequate for him.
But for some strange reason, this man loved her. It didn’t make any sense, but Leah was too far gone to try and continue to question it. She was, as she had said, quite selfish. Despite her best efforts, he still stood before her loving her and wanting to be with her. And Leah wanted to be with him. She didn’t dare think that maybe things were working out for her for once, but a thought that resembled that sentiment was lurking somewhere dangerously close under the surface of her consciousness.
The words he spoke filled her with a kind of unreal lightness; she felt as if she could simply float away. Her deplorable lack of poetry and eloquence when expressing her feelings was made up for tenfold by Ari and his artful word craft. No sane person would be able to keep resisting when such words were spoken to them. Leah had thrown in the towel and at last could revel in his smile and his words without feeling like breaking. Later when she thought back on it, she would be tinged with something like shame at the fact that by this point, Jake was all but gone from her mind. All she could think, all she could smell, all she could see was Ari.
He once more closed the space between them, leaning down to press a sweet, tender kiss to the corner of her mouth. His large, calloused hand closed around hers and the warmth and familiarity of it was like a miracle salve on the wounds and scars that crisscrossed her heart. As he pulled away, she quickly leaned up to press a return kiss on his lips, just as soft and brief as his. He studied her, and in the low non-light of the night, his eyes were like fire. For the first time since this whole mess began, Leah had the oddly hopeful feeling that maybe things were going to work out. Filled with indescribable happiness at this prospect, she wanted nothing more than to wrap herself around Ari and kiss him heatedly, hard and forcefully like she hadn’t had occasion to do in far too long.
But before she could act, Ari beat her to it. Only instead of pressing to her, he moved a half-step back. And then dropped to one knee. And Leah was completely positive that she ceased the breathe for the next few minutes.
Without ever daring to actually articulate it, Leah had always sort of functioned in their relationship with the basic idea that she would spend the rest of her life with him. At some point, she figured, marriage would be a given. But here, now, on the street in front of her aunt and uncle's house, it had been probably the last thing she had expected to hear him say. Hell, just a few minutes ago she had been telling him that she was still in love with another man. She began to wonder if maybe the unbinding process had somehow knocked a few screws loose in his head.
As she processed all of this, the world around them seemed to have stopped. She was aware only of the feeling of his hand still holding her, his heart beating loudly in his chest, and hers keeping time with it. Slowly, air returned to her lungs and she managed to blink, a long, drawn out blink as she stared down at him, still shocked.
Squeezing her hand around his, she gave a gentle tug, bringing him back to his feet. "Oh, Ari," she whispered, taking her free hand and putting it softly on his cheek, brushing her fingers over the familiar surfaces. She leaned in and pressed her lips gently to his, in yet another quick, soft kiss. As she removed her lips from his, she ran her thumb softly over his, their two hands still linked together. "Ari, there is nothing I would like more than to one day be your wife. But," she said, pausing to swallow before quickly rushing on. "But don’t you think this is a little…rash?" She gave him a small smile, hoping he would understand and not misconstrue her meaning. "I just think we should work on getting through this first. Then we can be engaged. Then we can be married." She shivered slightly at the words, not with any sort of negative feelings but rather with a delicious anticipation of that day.
"You could consider this as sort of a pre-engagement, if you'd like," she continued, her smile widening a little more with the words. Pre-engagement. As in before engagement. As in soon, they would be engaged. She could scarcely comprehend this was happening. "I love you," she told him once more, the truth of the words plainly visible in her eyes. Indubitably, many people would think she was being foolish, rushing things even still. But frankly, she didn’t care.
Ari smiled up at her as she pulled him to his feet. He had never meant to propose to her in that moment but it was the right thing to do he felt. He loved her and wanted to be with her forever and always. He kissed her back quick before she pulled away, trying to get her thoughts together. It seemed that the night was full of surprises for the both of them and it was throwing both of them off-balance. He waited as she began to speak, feeling his heart drop at the first ‘but’. His mind immediately went to all the different reasons that she could have for denying him. Of course it was too rash, too soon. He had just promised her time and space and then proposed. Everything he had said was a contradiction of itself.
Leah continued and Ari felt his heart start beating again. She had worried him with that hesitation, but now he could see why it was such a problem for her. She did want the time to solve issues before they would officially be engaged. And it made sense of course. By the time they solved their issues, Ari would have the time to prepare a true proposal, with a ring and a plan instead of blurting it out in the middle of the night on the lawn of her uncle that Ari was pretty sure had seen the whole thing through the window. It made perfect sense and Ari would agree readily to it. However, it did not stop the pain in his chest when he realized that it was not a flat-out yes. It was the promise of something more, someday.
“No, of course,” he replied slowly. “Of course you are correct Leah. It is too fast, much too fast. We should wait. I do not know what would have possessed me to say such a-“ He broke off, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “A pre-engagement would be a good idea. There is much that has to be settled before we can progress forward.” He smiled at her, feeling his lips pulled tight. He meant it, of course, but her answer was slightly evasive and he was not sure what he had expected. After all, this was something he had just sprung upon her and himself too and really what was supposed to have happened? After everything, what could he really have expected from her? Too much, most likely. She would agree, they would elope and live happily ever after when neither of them had a job or money to support a life or anything else? He expected this to be a fairytale and lost the reality of the situation.
He smiled at her and kissed her again. “I love you too Leah Clearwater. I really and truly do. Even if your uncle is getting upset that you are still out here with me in your nightclothes at four in the morning.” He chuckled, glancing back towards the moving curtain in the window. Ari hugged her close, pressing his face into her fair. It might not have been a yes, but it was not a no either. And that gave him enough hope to hold onto that he could accept her answer after everything. “How long are you staying in Neah Bay? I am going to stay as long as you are, but I do have to go back at some point and sort out many things that I could not deal with while under the bind. A job, for one.” He smiled at her. He also had to go get his pack back in order, because Xavier had expressed his willingness to hand over the Alpha position many times over. It was not something that he could handle now. Before everything that had happened he would have been able to hold them together but he was not the same person anymore. So Ari would have to juggle his relationship with Leah, being Alpha over an unruly mismatch of lycanthropes, and try to find a job to afford a home and a life. Suddenly Ari was beginning to feel like normal was way over his head.
So she kinda broke him again. He went from SHE DIDN"T SAY NO!! to .....She didn't say yes either. Fuck. So hes a mess. Again.
Leah immediately regretted not going with her first instinct, which had been to say yes and throw herself into his arms. He made a valiant effort to hide it, but Leah knew him far too well to miss the fact that he was hurt by her response. But it was too late to take it back, and Leah wouldn’t anyway. As much as she wanted to say screw everything and just be with Ari now, forever, married, she knew it really was just too impractical right now. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. She just hoped she could get over Jake and get her life back in order so she could get on with her new life with Ari.
Her new life with Ari. Just the words sent a sort of thrill down her spine. She was baffled as to how she had ever thought she was going to be able to live without him. Leah had been so stupid, had handled this whole mess so poorly. She was damn lucky that Ari was as persistent as he was, or else she would still be sitting alone in the spare bedroom, feeling sorry for herself. Now she had everything she could have possibly ever wanted, right here in front of her. It was disgustingly cheesy and sappy, but Ari Grayson just seemed to have that kind of effect on her.
She watched him as he spoke, never tiring of the way her name sounded on his lips. Hearing him say he loved her never got old, and she looked forward to hearing it the rest of her life.
Though he smiled as he said it, his last words bothered her. She had been standing here fantasizing, but the truth was things were going to be very hard for them. Between Ari running his pack, and Leah’s membership in her own, the need for money, and all the other things that lay ahead for them, it was going to be rough going. It didn’t change her mind, not in the slightest, but she worried it might eventually change his. His pack was a big responsibility, and she knew it was going to be a huge struggle for him to manage his pack as well as work and be a good lover to her. Leah silently vowed to herself to try and get a job when they got back to La Push, so she could at least help out financially. And that way she would have something to keep her occupied when she could not be with Ari. Which unfortunately, was probably going to be a lot.
But at least he was no longer bound. No matter how infrequently she might see him over the coming months, it would be nothing compared to the agony that was the time when he was bound to Emma, and constantly away from her. If she could survive that--which she did, though barely--Leah figured she could survive any other hardships she might encounter in this relationship. She just hoped that this time Ari would be willing to fight through them with her.
Pushing the negative thoughts from her mind, she smiled back at him, enjoying the sight of his face for a moment before yet again closing the small space between them and kissing him. This was no soft kiss, though. This was the kiss she had been longing for for so many months, fierce and passionate. Pulling away after a minute, she pressed her cheek to his and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Stay with me tonight, please," she said, pressing a soft phantom of a kiss to the space just below his ear before pulling back to look him in the eyes again. "I don’t know how much longer I will stay here, but probably not too much. I want to get home, and like you said, there are things to be done," she told him, her voice now a little more substantial than the breathy whisper she had just delivered into his ear.
A yawn took her by surprise just then, and she turned her head into her shoulder to try and cover it, as her hands were unwilling to move themselves from their places on Ari's body. "Come on," she told him, taking a half step back towards the house and tugging him with her. "It’s beyond late. We can talk more after we have gotten some sleep." And she had a feeling she was going to sleep extremely well.
All roads lead me back to you, Neah Bay ;; Leah Clearwater
