January 1st, 2002

Killed a man today. Shot him twice in the chest and when he fell down I shot him again. Had to make sure it was over. Watched as his chest stopped rising and falling, and there was just that stillness. Frank Payne died tonight. It was a long time coming, and he wont be missed by nobody. He probably thinks that momma is waiting for him in heaven, but Frank is about to be sorely disappointed when he's swimming in a lake of fire. Nah, me and him got our debts to the devil, and I know that he'll be waiting for me on the other side. Both of them. Well I'll smile on the way down. The brightest moment in my day is the flash from a barrel. I've got no regrets. Nothing I would do differently. The world is a playground. If there's one thing I've learned its that everyones out for something. I'm out for mine and I plan on getting it. This night was the end of something. I've been accepted into some high end organization, some big secret in the shadows of the world. Suits me fine. Now my past is buried, I can move on with the future. No holding back. No forgiving and forgetting. No hesitating in the moment. It's a tough world. Trick is you just gotta be tougher and get the benefits. Heading down to South America on a private jet. Got my first means of business.

October 28th, 2004

Decided to stay in the tropics a little longer after I finished my job. Estevan wasn't a problem. Was in and out before the maid even served his low calorie breakfast. Nice place. Thought I might vacation here later on, but hell...since I'm already here...may as well enjoy it while I got it.
Got real drunk at this local bar downtown, but it was weird. I dont remember much of last night, but I remember talking to this guy. Maybe I didnt keep my mouth shut enough, or maybe he already knew, but I remember him talking to me about my job. Said something, wanted me to consider something but I can't remember what the hell it was. Something was off. Feel odd about it this morning, but I'm not worried. I take care of myself just fine. You know, the strangest part was this dream I had. See, I only dream after Ive been drinking heavily. Fucked up, I know. Anyways, in this dream Im sitting in my bed, my bed from way back. The house I grew up in as a kid. And Im just sitting there, and I look to my right and there's this dispenser. For needles? Full of them. Full of these needles, like for taking drugs. And I pick a couple of them up, and some of the protective tips fall off the ends, but Im not too worried about poking myself. What Im really worried about is what I overhear. Down the hall I can hear my momma's voice. She's sad. Terrified maybe. There's someone talking to her, and I know its a doctor, and I know she has needles in her arms. I dont see it. But I know it. He's talking to her with a droning voice, no emotion. He's telling her how she feels, like a robot. It frightens her, and I dont know why but it frightens me too. She keeps weeping, and he keeps talking. Im frozen in place, listening, but not seeing what unfolds.
I wake up in a sweat, heart racing. How the fuck is that a nightmare? I dont know. But it scared me. Doesnt make sense. Nothing ever does. Somehow that guy I was talking to..somehow he was connected to all that. Maybe Im just losing it.

January 13, 2005

Dream is reoccurring. But change of damn subject. The last thing I need is to keep replaying this scene even while conscious. I'm in Japan right now. It was one hell of an airplane ride. Bad landing. Had a bad feeling about the flight all day but I'm in one piece. Can't say the same for a lawyer by the name of Ichanagi. Sent him right off the roof of his office building. Thing was ten stories tall. He must have been praying for wings halfway down, because nothing was breaking his fall but a concrete slab. The bitch of it was I had to take the stairs down as the building had an emergency shut down. Too many cigarettes. I almost died on the way out, forget about the police. To be honest, I cut it real close this time. Somehow I dont think my bosses would let me live long enough for questioning by the police, even though I dont know shit as it is. Ah well, another random in the dirt and I got my cold hard cash in hand. Life is good. Hell, life is great. I could fly to friendsville, buy and sell every damn home in the village limits and create some blues loving, whiskey drinking, fight picking society made in my image. Ah, maybe next year.


several pages are ripped out, the last few are coated in blood and are illegible

September 24th, 2009

On my way to Seattle. No info on the mark yet, but I've got a location Ive gotta head to. I hear its supposed to be raining. Well its a change from Africa anyways. Been on that continent a little too long lately so I cant complain. Apparently they've got me a handgun somewhere in the airport...seems risky I know, but somehow they always have it in a place where no one will find it. Pretty much risk free, Ive learned that I can count on them. Must be a mutual thing because Ive been real smooth with my marks..never miss them. Flying first class right now. Something Id never dream of as a kid. Funny how things change in life.
Know what I cant stand though? Drink prices on a flight. Shot of JD is almost the price a mickey would cost when you touch the ground. Not that I cant afford it, but still. Fuckin airline robbery.
First class and accompanied by whiskey...but still I have a bad time on landings. Flying is for the birds, and I dont see no feathers on me.