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Termin8tor	Posted: Nov 26 2009, 02:47 :29 AM
Ascendant Group: Diary Mod Crew Member Posts: 1,029 Member No.: 14 Joined: 17-June 04	I'm addicted to the random Stig introductions on top gear at the minute xD -------------------- Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground. All we know is he's called the Stig.

Dian Wei	Posted: Nov 26 2009, 11:32 :31 PM
MOD Leader Group: Diary Mod Crew Member Posts: 1,829 Member No.: 12 Joined: 17-June 04	Top Gear can smell off.

Bloodcider

Posted: Nov 27 2009, 12:21 :38 AM

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Happy thanksgiving etc etc.

I'm posting this here because it's funny. And I still have a chip on my shoulder from buying RE5.

QUOTE (The Dark Id)

Since I'm extremely bored: It's time for the big list of Wesker retcons! Spoilers for the whole series below!

Base Wesker: STARS Captain guy who wears his sunglasses at night. Turns out he worked for Umbrella. He was going to backstab them by stealing the "Ultimate Bio-Weapon" the Tyrant. The Tyrant kills him about ten seconds after he awakens it. Wesker dies.

Code Veronica:
- Wesker is not dead just because.
- Wesker now has super speed, super strength, and demonic cat eyes.
- Wesker works for some new evil company which is never named, never appears, and is forgotten inbetween games.

Code Veronica X:
- Wesker showed up earlier to beat up Chris' sister just because he could.
- His eyes now glow because...well they had this glowy eye effect and thought "why the hell not?"
- Wesker didn't get his ass kicked by the main villain, Alexia. He now held his own and only lets Chris handle the boss fight to be a dick instead of merely running off like a pussy.
- A nuke countdown timer paused for about ten minutes during the ending to allow Wesker to briefly kidnap Chris' sister so they could have an one sided slapping match. Wesker manages to be defeated by the equivalent of an anvil falling on his head.
- Eternal avatar of faggotry Steve Burnside's dead naked body is stolen by Wesker. This is never mentioned again.
- Wesker gets half his face burned off in an explosion. This is promptly forgotten.

Wesker Report DVD:
- It turns out William Birkin from Resident Evil 2 and Wesker were best buds and Willie B hooked Wesker up with a super special virus which turns the infected into a super human with no drawbacks. Said virus can only be activated if the infected dies. Birkin apparently spilled coffee all over the notes to create the virus and it was never brought up again.
- So Wesker meant to get killed in Resident Evil 1. It was all part of his plan.
- Ada Wong is not dead because Wesker saved her because...uhh...
- Wesker kidnapped Sherry Birkin and locked her in his basement or something. She's still there to this day.

REmake:
- Turns out Wesker was an Umbrella researcher since he was a teenager. Birkin too. They hung out in the mansion from Resident Evil 1 most of their twenties fucking around with viruses. They also managed to make the architect of the mansion's daughter into an immortal hunchback by just injecting her with a fuck ton of viruses while she was locked up in the basement because they're just kind of douchebags.

Resident Evil 0:
- So there was this co-founder of Umbrella named Dr. Marcus who really, REALLY liked leeches. He ran a second spooky trap filled mansion in the wood which trained managers for Umbrella or some shit. Mostly he just fucked around with leeches. Possibly sexually. Well, Wesker and Birkin worked with him before that whole Resident Evil 1 mansion researcher gig.
- Since that guy was sort of creepy as shit he was assassinated by some of Wesker and Birkin's goons by orders of the Umbrella President or something. Don't ask why Wesker and Birkin have goons when they're supposed to be like 17.
- Well a couple decades later Marcus came back as an opera singing Final Fantasy character who could sing to control leeches and he was behind the whole viral outbreak in the original game. Wesker pretty much went "oh dang, better put a button on that" and walked over to the second spooky trap filled mansion in the woods and blew it up.

Resident Evil 4:
- So it turns out Wesker actually liked the whole Umbrella thing and is rebuilding it and playing Pokemon with viruses or something. He also has a spy satellite.
- Wesker was also buddies with Tom Berenger who was also buddies with Leon.

Umbrella Chronicles:

Strap in tight!

RE0:
- You know how Wesker blew up the second spooky trap filled mansion? Yeah he walked there from Birkin's lab and killed a few hundred zombies and mutants.
- Wesker also killed the Prototype Tyrant.
- He also encountered a Russian Bond Villain and fought a really silly looking Mr. X type Tyrant even though the "my heart is on the outside of my body and my wanking hand has turned into three foot claws" model was supposed to be top of the line at that point. Wesker fights the latter, blows up Mansion #2, and hikes back to Raccoon City in time for the intro movie.

RE1:
- Wesker actually injects the Plot Device Virus just before the last encounter with him.
- He got better from dying roughly 20 seconds later. He also now knows kung fu.
- Wesker killed Lisa Trevor (immortal hunchback that rips off faces) by dropping the chandelier in the main lobby of the mansion on her.

Raccoon City Jamboree:
- Well, Wesker didn't actually save Ada. She got better from dying all by herself. Wesker just gave her a job offer over a laptop.

Fall of Umbrella:
- So, Wesker actually destroyed Umbrella. The corporation's final stronghold was a oil refinery in Siberia overrun by zombies and mutants (don't ask.) Wesker ran there (as in he ran across the frozen wastes of northern Siberia at superman speeds), fought a few hundred monsters, fought the Russian Bond Villain who turned into a giant mutant just 'cuz, downloaded all the research data from Umbrella's experiments which was apparently only found on one server, and then leaked that to the press and that's what destroyed Umbrella.
- Wesker is Deepthroat.

Resident Evil 5:
- Wesker is actually a genetically engineered �bermensch before all this shit even happened and is part of the "Wesker Children" so he's a clone or some shit. I give up...

--------------------

Scruffington: One time a ghost punched me in the dick
Scruffington: But that's not so much a ghost story as it is a story about me getting my ass kicked by an unearthly force.

Helios	Posted: Nov 27 2009, 01:06 :03 AM
Imperfect Absolution Group: Diary Mod Crew Member Posts: 1,249 Member No.: 85 Joined: 28-February 07	Very true. Very funny. -------------------- "Public opinion is a compound of folly, weakness, prejudice, wrong feeling, right feeling, obstinacy, and newspaper paragraphs. " -Sir Robert Peel

Dian Wei	Posted: Nov 28 2009, 12:41 :54 AM
MOD Leader Group: Diary Mod Crew Member Posts: 1,829 Member No.: 12 Joined: 17-June 04	Larf.

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