The true news, For real not made up at all news stories

[Deaths Head]

I think the only way to describe this story, is as both hard hitting and heart wrenchingly sad. Poor Green Bouncy man.

[Splagbot]

Welcome to the news at a little past 8 o'clock with A Generic Newscaster.

"Good evening, the residents of London who where recovering from the recent attack of Huron the Immortals army of DeathBots where today witness to an orgy of violence, in a freak set of circumstances a lot of people from across multiple dimensions where transported to London to do battle."

"We have correspondents at these locations, to start with we'll go to Optimus Prime who's reporting for us from Trafalgar Square, Optimus over to you."

"Thank you A Generic Newscaster, yes today was indeed a dark day for London as heroes came from across the Time Space Continuam to do battle with the Forces of Evil, here in Trafalgar Square there was a Lightsaber duel between the Jedi 'Puke Pieater' and his arch nemesis 'Darth Head', they are in fact still battling now, let's see if we can get a few words."

"You will not turn me to the darkside father!"

"Then you must die!"

"Emotional stuff I think you'll agree, it doesn't look like the duel is going end any time soon, you know...this reminds me of the time I did battle Mega...."

"I'm sorry Optimus, we must interupt you, to bring this breaking new to our viewers, we have reports that there is a Zombie Apocalypse in Bangor, we go now to our correspondent there, A Pirate!"

"Yarr maties, this ain't no normal Zombie Apocalypse, as you can see, these zombies be flamin' zombies, but worry not because a dynamic 80's action hero is here to save us....yarr!"



"This be A Pirate signing off!"

"Finally, we have a lighthearted story for you here, today a man vomited on another man, we now go over to our correspondent Mr T for the report."

"That's right sucka, it seemed like any other day fool, then one guy vomited on the other, let's get an interview with them, hey suckas, get over here!"

"I couldn't help it, I just felt so sick I couldn't hold it in anymore."

"I hate you."

"To use my popular catchphrase, I pity tha fool, back to you sucka!"

"Hilarious stuff, that's all we have for tonight, this is A Generic Newscaster signing off."

[Bob Syko]

[Goq Gar]

In todays breaking news:

Man stops bullet using face.

Hurricane rips through cemetary, hundreds dead.

and my face is beginning to itch.

THIS IS THE NEEEEWWWSSSS!!!!!!

[Bob Syko]

Hang on a sec, I'll just have to dust this one off.

In other news. Chuck Norris recently destroyed the periodic table because the only element he believes in is the element of surprise.

Scientists are said to be relieved that their job is now a lot easier. A new drug made from Surprise (CN on the new, very small periodic table) has greatly reduced the amount of deaths from cancer. Deaths from heart attacks however have risen 47%.

[Goq Gar]

Now for a live report from the shootings at Westbury mall this afternoon:

"IM STANDING HERE, WHERE THE SHOTS WERE FIRED JUST MINUTES AGO, I WOULD KNOW, I FIRED THEM".

[Goq Gar]

Now over to Ollie with the weather.

Ollie?

ITS GONNA RAIN!

Thankyou Ollie.

Now coming up, the testimony of a man who cant jerk off.

"I was yanking this hard! It just wouldnt work!"

And could your face be a robot? Stay tuned to find out.

[Deaths Head]

My face is indeed a Robot. I hope you aren't making light of the fact, as I have a number of weapons that I use as a direct substitute for a sense of humour.

[Deaths Head]

Sad News indeed folks. Nobody likes the Smoking Baby anymore. Is it because he's a bad role model for babies everywhere?