Akai Kensei's bio

[Akaikensei]

Name: Akai Kensei

Age: 20

D/O/B: June 3rd, 1988

Height: 6'1

Weight: 150 lbs.

Hair: short messy black hair

Eyes: icy blue

Nationality: Japanese

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Interests: Sword play, training, sparring

Likes: Swords, bounty hunting, strong opponents, people with a sense of honor, Amber.

Dislikes: Water, cold, those without honor, boring jobs.

Powers/Abilities: Akai has pyrokenetic abilities which allow him to control and manipulate power at will. He has threee different techniques which he uses in combat. His 'arts' are split into three different levels: 'basic', 'secret', and 'ultimate'. Akai is able to preform his basic art repeatedly with very little drain on his ki, but being a low level art, it does not do much damage. Secret arts are his second level and require a great deal more chi to use. His limit is about four times with his secret art before he runs out of chi and passes out. His ultimate art is his most powerful and devastating and require most of his chi to preform. For those reasons his limit is no more than two times using his ultimate art in succession before his chi is gone, causing him to pass out. After using his ultimate art, he is able to use at most his secret art two times before his chi runs out. If he has used his secret art a couple of times, he is able to use at his basic art at most five times. Taking a hit from his basic art would at most cause some very minor first degree burns. A hit from his secret art would cause minor to intermediate second degree burns. And a hit from the ultimate art can cause anywhere from a minor to a major third degree burn depending on how much power is behind it.


Basic Art- Hellfire/Heavenfire Burst- A massive fireball shoots from the blade, towards the target, missing it by inches, once behind the target, it explodes into hundreds of smaller fireballs, they all then change course and strike the target's rear side.

Secret Art- River of Fire- Placing both swords in the ground, fire begins to erupt from their hilts, forming a waterfall of flames which gets rapidly bigger and begins flowing downward forming a river of fire which covers an area of about five feet in width.

Ultimate Art - Hellfire/Heavenfire Phoenix- Both swords burst into flames the slowly engulf Akai's body, taking on the shape of a phoenix. Using this technique, Akai is able to fly and launch fire attacks from any part of his body. (Max 5 minutes using the attack before he runs out of chi)


Strengths: Loyal to his friends- he is always there when his friends need him, even to the point of risking his own life. good swordsman- since childhood he has trained to hone his skills so he can be the best he can. Pyro-kenesis- Akai was trained from a young age to harness his element of fire and because of this, he is easily able to summon and control fire at will.

Weaknesses: Hot headed- it goes with his element of fire, he is very in tune with this element and as such is easily angered and provoked. Akai unable to swim and cannot stand cold water due to the fact that the element he controls is fire. Due to his element being fire, an easy way to put Akai's powers out commission temporarily is simple to douse him with water. Doing so prevents him from summoning fire until he dries off. (He does not like water overall, but hates cold water more than warm/hot water)

His element is one of the most difficult of all the elements to control and requires alot of concentration to keep it under control. If he does not concentrate enough, he will wind up getting burned by his own fire or else lose control of it completely, causing it to explode on him causing varying amounts of damage depending on how much fire he was trying to control at the time of the explosion. His powers do not work on asbestus or any other kind of fire proof material.

Background history: Akai is a young pyro kinetic warrior from the Kensei clan, which is an ancient clan which has the power to manipulate the elements themselves with their chi. Each child born into the Kensei clan is born with the power to control one element. Most of the time, the element they wind up controlling is determined by the month in which they are born as well as the weather conditions themselves, although nobody in the clan is quite sure why this is. The village in which the clan lives is in a hidden location, some hours south of Kyoto. Most of the older generation of the clan remains hidden due to fear that if 'outsiders' discover their abilities, they will be persecuted for them, or they will be hunted down by people who wish to know the secret of their powers.


Akai is the oldest in a family of three with two younger sisters. His family uses a special technique which grants them control over a specific element by focusing their chi. Akai’s personality suits his element of fire. He is reckless, hot headed, stubborn, and likes to fight. Due to these qualities, Akai has a difficult time making friends so he tends to rely more on himself than on others. The few friends he does have, he is very loyal to, even to the point of risking his own life to protect them.

In his spare time he likes to train harder and push his body and abilities to their limit, sometimes beyond. He is never seen without his trademark sword ‘Hellfire’ which was given to him by his parents at the age of ten. It is a tradition within the clan that when a child reaches the age of ten, they are given a weapon by their parents. This weapon varies by the family as well as the element the child possesses. Akai, unlike the other children in his village had a hard time learning to control his element, and subsequently got burned while practicing. One of the village elders saw Akai's difficulty and felt sympathy for the young man as the element she controlled was the same, and like him, she had had a difficult time learning to control it.

Seeing Akai working so hard, the elder, Shikka took him under her wing at the age of five to help him learn to harness his element. The two trained together until Akai left his village at the age of sixteen to pursue a career as a bounty hunter. The training Akai underwent with Shikka was brutal for the young man, many times, he was ordered to stick his hand into an open flame, in order to get a feel for what it would be like to hold a flame in the palm of one's hand. During his training, he often wound up floating in the lake just outside the village due to his powers going out of control. It was due to this that he found out of his weakness to the element of water. When he met Amber at age seven, and after they became friends, Akai began sneaking away when he was supposed to be training to meet Amber at their secret hideout which was a cave in a forest between his village and hers. This did not go unnoticed by Shikka and when Akai came back from these outings, he often received an earful and was usually forced by the elder to make up the time he had spent playing by training harder. However, Shikka was not without kindness and understanding.

She knew it was hard for Akai with all the training she had him do so she made it a point to give him at least two days of the week off so he could do as he wished. As time passed, Akai got better and better and controlling his element and his training became harder and harder. At the age of twelve, he started learning the art of smithing which over the years he has honed to become quite skilled. Due to his personal element being fire, Akai dislikes water and prefers to stay as dry as he possibly can. He uses his swords and his element of fire together in his fighting style so that he can get an advantage over his opponent.

Akai loves to fight and never backs down from any fight he is challenged to. His job as a bounty hunter takes him all over the world to different countries and such, thus he is more often than not away from his home and family. At age fifteen, Shikka informed Akai that he had finally learned all she had to teach him. It was then that she gave him the twin to the sword Hellfire which he had received from his parents, Heavenfire. Even after all his training, Akai still has trouble controlling his element of fire.
To make it easier, Akai uses Hellfire and Heavenfire as mediums for his chi, allowing him to better control his element. He can still summon fire without the swords, but it puts a greater strain on him and makes the fire harder to control.

His girlfriend, Amber is the only person that can keep his temper under control when he gets mad. The two of them originally met as children shortly after Akai had decided to become a bounty hunter. Both were age seven when they met. Akai after being laughed at had left his village to prove to his doubters that he could indeed succeed at his choice in lifestyle. In a marketplace not far from the village, Akai noticed a young girl with orange-red hair stealing fruit from a stand. Following after her for a little while, Akai observed her, trying to decide the best way to deal with her since he was only armed with a longsword. Eventually, she caught onto him and threw an apple she had stolen at him, flushing him from his hiding place and into the open.

After throwing a few insults back and forth, the two fought each other for a few minutes, her with a dagger and him with his sword. Eventually, Akai launched his first basic art-fireball at the girl, causing the blade of his sword to melt in the process. His attack succeeded in hitting the girl, knocking her back a few feet and earning Akai a swift punch in the face once she had recovered. Using this to his advantage, Akai flipped the girl over his head and onto her back, winding her. She quickly recovered however and drove her dagger into Akai's ankle causing him to collapse next to her. She introduced herself as Amber. Akai got quite mad at this calling her a psycho for stabbing him and then casually asking his name. A few more insults were hurled the two began to talk to each other in a more friendly manner for a few minutes before trouble arrived.

The trouble was in the form of an older boy and several of his friends who were quite pissed that Amber had stolen from the older boy's father. Akai got back to his feet and attempted once more to use his fireball art to get rid of the boys but this art failed miserably due partly to his inexperience, and partly to the fact that his medium, his sword had melted during his last use of this art. After two failed attempts, Akai and Amber teamed up and fought the boys in good old fashioned hand-to-hand combat.

This however, they both realized was a mistake. They were losing to these boys, and bad. It was then that Amber came up with a plan to save both Akai and herself. Daring the boys to follow them, she and Akai ran to a nearby river where a small stepping stone in the middle was the only way across for kids of their age. Amber had been here before and knew the stone could not hold much weight. Amber went across first and landed clumsily on the other bank, slipping and almost falling into the water. She managed to save herself by gripping a nearby rock. Akai used Amber as a bridge across the water and then pulled her to safety so the older boys were unable to get them. Once safe, Amber questioned Akai's motives for saving her. Akai told her he did it because he was raised to believe that all life had value, even that of a thief.

The two then set off on a game of catch me if you can with Akai chasing Amber to a meadow where the two decided to call a truce and become friends. At age eight, Amber's mother had demanded that she stop playing with Akai claiming that it would be better for her in the long run. Both kids deciding they didnt like this rule went exploring for a place they could hide from the adults in their lives and found a cave hidden deep in a forest which they made into their secret base. They continued to use this base until age ten when Amber's entire village (it was a village of thieves) moved far away. This greatly saddened Akai but spurred him further even more towards becoming a bounty hunter in the hopes that he would one day catch her in the act and be reunited with his best friend.

His hopes came true when at age seventeen, Akai was recruited by a wealthy man to guard his museum. A thief broke into the museum with the hopes of stealing a very valuable shield for themselves. They did not however, count on Akai being there, and after some fighting, Akai launched his first basic art from both swords illuminating the dark room and revealing none other than his childhood friend Amber. The two talked for a little while before the police came bursting into the museum, mistaking Akai for Amber's accomplice, they opened fire on both teens, causing them both to have to flee along with the shield through the sewers with Akai using his arts to give them cover as they retreated back to the secret base they had used as children.

They hid out there for a couple of days until the heat died down before making their way to a small hotel/restaurant owned by another one of Amber's friends by the name of Lucas. (technically his family owned it but thats just splitting hairs =P) There they spent the night in the same room, catching up on old times and in the morning, after much talk the previous night, they confessed their love for one another.

[Firestorm]

Alright, I've gotten a chance to look over the bio. Here are my thoughts:

You have far too many strengths and too little weaknesses for this character.

Tone the strengths down to between three and six and give him the same amount of weaknesses.

Water isn't an only weakness to fire. Asbestos is another weakness, as well certain types of soil. Another weakness is non flammable material such as soapstone. Do some research on this.

You should also give him physical weaknesses such as maybe he develops headaches after he uses his powers. Maybe a certain muscle twitches now and then making his fighting skills difficult.

This character is far being balanced, which is something you need to work on.

Also, his history and character info seem very vague. You left how key details such as how he trained, when and where. Who taught him, how long he took, and what his feelings were. You also threw in his girlfriend, but don't really tell us how he met her or how he feels about her.

Being detailed in the key here, and being thoroughly balanced is very important.

Without either one, no one is going to know how to react to your character.

[Kayla Tsukino]

Akai this character is way to strong. It is unrealistic. He has way to many attacks for one, only two of them have an actual limit, and three are listed but are stated as incomplete. To say he has 21 art forms as fire is wrong. Only those that have a weekness or limatations would be accepted.

Water is an okay weekness, but it needs to be explained more. How much of it has it have to be? because depending water actually provokes fires. Fire fighters use a chimical substance to put out fires, fire extunigers also are made of chemical compounds that fight fires. Salt is sometimes used. You really don't know much about fire do you?

Sure you like fire, but tell me Akai, how much about it do you know? do you live in an area known for wild fires?

all strong powerful characters with only one weekness aren't acceptable. Sure its okay to be a pyro, but put limits to it.

Being able to hold a fire attack for a short amount of time is actually a good weekness, stick with that and use it as a good basis.

Now about the history. It doesn't tell me much. Its very vague. It doesn't explain enough about him or his powers. Nor does it state how he found out water was a weekness. ws he born with this power? Did he aquire it? Is it a praticed art form like whichcraft where one can learn to control fire?

What kind of personallity does he have? Is there another side to him from having a short fuse? If so how short of a fuse? Is he the type that can make friends easily? Or is it that people fear him because of his fansionon with fire. Has he ever been burned while training? What if he comes across a fire he did not create? would he be burned then?

ask yourself questions like this and more. Put a little of yourself into it if you have to. get creative....

[Akaikensei]

Ok, I gots a few comments for Kayla before I go fixing up his bio. First, I did indeed put that due to his nature he does not make friends easily but he is fiercely loyal to those he does have. Second, the twenty-one arts are of varying levels of strength. The higher up they go in numbers the greater amount of chi is required to be able to pull it off. That will be made clear when I update him. You asked what happens if he comes across a fire he did not create... does he get burned. I believe the term 'pyrokenetic' was used to describe him, so no, he will not get burned.

[Kayla Tsukino]

Pyro kenatic simply means he can create and minulapate fire, but details as those I asked are things that members might wonder. You have to understand this is a school with varying degrees of Rp knolege... Ie the different levels high school middle elementry.... etc.... so insstead of telling me, make the stated points a little more clear.

Stte his personallity a little more clearly break things down make it clearer... don't go coppying someone else's template.... firestorm designed it for a reason use it.... don't go getting a bit mouthy with me, just edit the bio as asked.

When I ask questions I ask them not for myself but from a third person's point of view. Someone who doesn't know you. You did not give him even strengths and weeknesses, and the higher the art, the more Ki doesn't count. You have to explain Ki, and how it differs for your character as opposed to someone like gabe.... or... hell... even Rina. Ki is different for each character as how its interpeted and used, you have to be very spesific as to how its used.

Like I stated and firestorm stated, your character info is way to vague, it doesn't discribe enough about him. The questions I've stated should be ones you ask yourself when creating a bio. Look at it as if someone doesn't know the character. Who has never rped with you. Because I know at least one, perhaps two people who haven't, and they might be like wtf when they go to your bio and go like huh...

[Firestorm]

Akai, Kayla as a mod is only telling you things I may have missed. She helps me to critique bios when I need an extra pair of eyes. We both saw the same errors, and are trying to help you think a bit more on the matter.

As for the "'pyrokenetic' was used to describe him, so no, he will not get burned." statement, that doesn't always mean anything. It is possible that a pyrokinetic will not be burned if he or she has excellent control over their ability. If they do not, then they can instantly combust. Look up spontaneous human combustion for more information.

[Akaikensei]

I did not mean it to sound mouthy, Kayla. I was simply trying to explain a little bit about him by answering the questions I could before I went and edited his profile. FS, I am adding a bit more information about his powers into the bio so I should have it prepared for a re-eval in a few days. I do appreciate what you two are doing cause its helping me to make Akai into a better character.

[Firestorm]

[QUOTE]Name: Akai Kensei

Age: 20

D/O/B: June 3rd, 1988

Height: 6'1

Weight: 150 lbs.

Hair: short messy black hair

Eyes: icy blue

Nationality: Japanese

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Interests: Sword play, training, sparring

Likes: Swords, bounty hunting, strong opponents, people with a sense of honor, Amber.

Dislikes: Water, cold, those without honor, boring jobs.[/QUOTE]

(All of the above is fine)
[QUOTE]

Powers/Abilities: Akai has pyrokenetic abilities which allow him to control and manipulate power at will. He has twenty-one different techniques which he uses in combat. His 'arts' are split into three different levels: 'basic', 'secret', and 'ultimate'. Akai is able to preform almost all basic arts repeatedly with very little drain on his ki, but being low level arts, they do not do much damage. Secret arts are his second level and require a great deal more chi to use. His limit is about four times with any secret art before he runs out of chi and passes out. His ultimate arts are his most powerful and devastating and require most of his chi to preform. For those reasons his limit is no more than two ultimate arts in succession before his chi is gone, causing him to pass out. After using an ultimate art, he is able to use at most two secret arts before his chi runs out. If he has used a couple of secret arts, he is able to use at most five basic arts.

Basic Arts
Art 1 - FIreball - Summons three fireballs from each of this two swords which rotate around him. Pointing his swords at a target will launch the fireballs.

Art 2- Inferno Triangle - Creates a triangle of fire as a barrier to protect him from attacks. Can also be launched forward as a weapon.

Art 3- Celestial Barrier - Creates a circular fire shield in front of Akai to defend.

Art 4- Heavenfire Rejuvenation- Using the Heavenfire sword and his own chi, Akai is able to restore the energy of this technique's target

Art 5- Ember Fang- Flames burst from the tips of the swords, propelling Akai forward with great speed. This allows him to strike his opponents before they can react.

Art 6- Hellfire/Heavenfire Arrow- Creating a flaming bow, Akai loads either of his two swords and fires them at his opponent.

Art 7- Searing Heat- Flames shoot into the air, and rains down flames onto the target.

Art 8- Fireball Barrage- A stream of about fifty fireballs burst from the swords, incinerating the target

Art 9- Hellfire/Heavenfire Burst- A massive fireball shoots from the blade, towards the target, missing it by inches, once behind the target, it explodes into hundreds of smaller fireballs, they all then change course and strike the target's rear side.

Art 10- Flare Blitz- Wrapping his body in flames, Akai uses the Ember fang to slam his flaming body into his opponent.

Art 11- Flame Wheel- Akai creates two flaming wheels which race around in circles around the opponent, eventually colliding and becoming one massive wheel before running over the target.

Art 12- Freezing Flames- Blue flames shoot from his swords, and surround the opponent, closing in quickly over a short period of time, once the flames reach, the opponent is encased in ice so cold it burns.
[/QUOTE]

(Most of these are fine, but you'll need to specify what type of damage, (you said little damage) they can do. How long the damage lasts, and how minimal or severe. If you had another character, how would he or she feel receiving an attack from one of the Basic Arts?)
[QUOTE]

Secret Arts
Art 13- Heat Wave- Forming the Celestial Barrier, Akai slams it into the ground, causing the ground surrounding it to become unbearably hot, the more time passes, the more ground is covered and the hotter the ground gets. [/QUOTE](How long does this last?)
[QUOTE]
Art 14- Wall of Incineration- A box of flames surrounds the opponent and slowly decreases in size until the opponent is crushed by flames.[/QUOTE] (This power seems a bit strong. Weaken it.)
[QUOTE]
Art 15- Molten Scorch- This art is still under development[/QUOTE] (Why not remove this one completely?)
[QUOTE]

Art 16- River of Fire- Placing both swords in the ground, fire begins to erupt from their hilts, forming a waterfall of flames which gets rapidly bigger and begins flowing downward forming a river of fire which covers an area of about five feet in width.

Art 17- Dragon Burst- This attacks name and what it will do is still in development.[/QUOTE] (Remove this one)

[QUOTE]
Ultimate Arts
Art 18- Hellfire/Heavenfire Phoenix- Both swords burst into flames the slowly engulf Akai's body, taking on the shape of a phoenix. Using this technique, Akai is able to fly and launch fire attacks from any part of his body. (Max 5 minutes using the attack before he runs out of chi)

Art 19- Hellfire/Heavenfire Eruption- Plunging either sword into the ground, the ground splits open, causing lava and flaming rocks to shoot up and land randomly within a small three foot wide area.(Specify the type of ground the swords can plunge into: Dirt, cement, gravel, asphalt, etc)

Art 20- Celestial Hellfire- This attack can only be preformed when Akai is with his Girlfriend. Akai creates alot of fireballs which are then absorbed by the Celestial Star Shield. Amber then adds her own Celestial Energy to the shield for the attack. When ready, a massive blast of energy made of Hellfire and Celestial energy that is impossible to dodge due to it's speed and force. (Too strong.. Weaken it)

Art 21- Rain of Fire- Akai shoots many fireballs up into the air which creates a red cloud which then literally rains down flaming raindrops onto an area of about 4 feet wide.

Strengths: Loyal to his friends- he is always there when his friends need him, even to the point of risking his own life. good swordsman- since childhood he has trained to hone his skills so he can be the best he can. Pyro-kenesis- Akai was trained from a young age to harness his element of fire and because of this, he is easily able to summon and control fire at will.

Weaknesses: hot headed- it goes with his element of fire, he is very in tune with this element and as such is easily angered and provoked. Akai unable to swim and cannot stand cold water due to the fact that the element he controls is fire. Due to his element being fire, an easy way to put Akai's powers out commission temporarily is simple to douse him with water. Doing so prevents him from summoning fire until he dries off. (He does not like water overall, but hates cold water more than warm/hot water)

His element is one of the most difficult of all the elements to control and requires alot of concentration to keep it under control. If he does not concentrate enough, he will wind up getting burned by his own fire or else lose control of it completely, causing it to explode on him causing varying amounts of damage depending on how much fire he was trying to control at the time of the explosion.
[/QUOTE]
(Add in more weaknesses. Fire cannot go against flame retardants, absestos, and where there is a lack of oxygen. If there is a lack of oxygen, the fire will be weak)
[QUOTE]
Background history: Akai is a young pyro kinetic warrior from the Kensei clan, which is an ancient clan which has the power to manipulate the elements themselves with their chi. Each child born into the Kensei clan is born with the power to control one element. Most of the time, the element they wind up controlling is determined by the month in which they are born as well as the weather conditions themselves, although nobody in the clan is quite sure why this is. The village in which the clan lives is in a hidden location, some hours south of Kyoto. Most of the older generation of the clan remains hidden due to fear that if 'outsiders' discover their abilities, they will be persecuted for them, or they will be hunted down by people who wish to know the secret of their powers.
[/QUOTE]
(This is okay)
[QUOTE]

Akai is the oldest in a family of three with two younger sisters. His family uses a special technique which grants them control over a specific element by focusing their chi. Akai’s personality suits his element of fire. He is reckless, hot headed, stubborn, and likes to fight. Due to these qualities, Akai has a difficult time making friends so he tends to rely more on himself than on others. The few friends he does have, he is very loyal to, even to the point of risking his own life to protect them. [QUOTE](Who are his sisters?) (What is this special technique?)[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]

In his spare time he likes to train harder and push his body and abilities to their limit, sometimes beyond. He is never seen without his trademark sword ‘Hellfire’ which was given to him by his parents at the age of ten. It is a tradition within the clan that when a child reaches the age of ten, they are given a weapon by their parents. This weapon varies by the family as well as the element the child possesses. Akai, unlike the other children in his village had a hard time learning to control his element, and subsequently got burned while practicing. One of the village elders saw Akai's difficulty and felt sympathy for the young man as the element she controlled was the same, and like him, she had had a difficult time learning to control it.[/QUOTE]

(This is fine)
[QUOTE]
Seeing Akai working so hard, the elder, Shikka took him under her wing at the age of five to help him learn to harness his element. The two trained together until Akai left his village at the age of sixteen to pursue a career as a bounty hunter. The training Akai underwent with Shikka was brutal for the young man, many times, he was ordered to stick his hand into an open flame, in order to get a feel for what it would be like to hold a flame in the palm of one's hand. During his training, he often wound up floating in the lake just outside the village due to his powers going out of control. It was due to this that he found out of his weakness to the element of water. As time passed, Akai got better and better and controlling his element and his training became harder and harder. At age fifteen, Shikka informed Akai that he had finally learned all she had to teach him. It was then that she gave him the twin to the sword Hellfire which he had received from his parents, Heavenfire.
[/QUOTE]
(When exactly did Shikka take him in? In paragraph above this paragraph, you speak of Akai receiving a sword at age ten, then you mention his difficulty in learning to harness his power when Shikka took him in. You may want to revise it around somewhat to avoid confusion later on)
[QUOTE]
At the age of twelve, he started learning the art of smithing which over the years he has honed to become quite skilled. Due to his personal element being fire, Akai dislikes water and prefers to stay as dry as he possibly can. He uses his swords and his element of fire together in his fighting style so that he can get an advantage over his opponent. Akai loves to fight and never backs down from any fight he is challenged to. His job as a bounty hunter takes him all over the world to different countries and such, thus he is more often than not away from his home and family.
[/QUOTE]
(You're jumping around the age in the wrong direction. Start with age five, then age ten, then age twelve, and age fifteen)
[QUOTE]
His girlfriend, Amber is the only person that can keep his temper under control when he gets mad. The two of them originally met as children shortly after Akai had decided to become a bounty hunter. Both were age seven when they met. Akai after being laughed at had left his village to prove to his doubters that he could indeed succeed at his choice in lifestyle. In a marketplace not far from the village, Akai noticed a young girl with orange-red hair stealing fruit from a stand. Following after her for a little while, Akai observed her, trying to decide the best way to deal with her since he was only armed with a longsword. Eventually, she caught onto him and threw an apple she had stolen at him, flushing him from his hiding place and into the open.

After throwing a few insults back and forth, the two fought each other for a few minutes, her with a dagger and him with his sword. Eventually, Akai launched his first basic art-fireball at the girl, causing the blade of his sword to melt in the process. His attack succeeded in hitting the girl, knocking her back a few feet and earning Akai a swift punch in the face once she had recovered. Using this to his advantage, Akai flipped the girl over his head and onto her back, winding her. She quickly recovered however and drove her dagger into Akai's ankle causing him to collapse next to her. She introduced herself as Amber. Akai got quite mad at this calling her a psycho for stabbing him and then casually asking his name. A few more insults were hurled the two began to talk to each other in a more friendly manner for a few minutes before trouble arrived.

The trouble was in the form of an older boy and several of his friends who were quite pissed that Amber had stolen from the older boy's father. Akai got back to his feet and attempted once more to use his fireball art to get rid of the boys but this art failed miserably due partly to his inexperience, and partly to the fact that his medium, his sword had melted during his last use of this art. After two failed attempts, Akai and Amber teamed up and fought the boys in good old fashioned hand-to-hand combat.[/QUOTE]

(Which sword melted?)
[QUOTE]
This however, they both realized was a mistake. They were losing to these boys, and bad. It was then that Amber came up with a plan to save both Akai and herself. Daring the boys to follow them, she and Akai ran to a nearby river where a small stepping stone in the middle was the only way across for kids of their age. Amber had been here before and knew the stone could not hold much weight. Amber went across first and landed clumsily on the other bank, slipping and almost falling into the water. She managed to save herself by gripping a nearby rock. Akai used Amber as a bridge across the water and then pulled her to safety so the older boys were unable to get them. Once safe, Amber questioned Akai's motives for saving her. Akai told her he did it because he was raised to believe that all life had value, even that of a thief.[/QUOTE]

(This is ok)
[QUOTE]
The two then set off on a game of catch me if you can with Akai chasing Amber to a meadow where the two decided to call a truce and become friends. At age eight, Amber's mother had demanded that she stop playing with Akai claiming that it would be better for her in the long run. Both kids deciding they didnt like this rule went exploring for a place they could hide from the adults in their lives and found a cave hidden deep in a forest which they made into their secret base. They continued to use this base until age ten when Amber's entire village (it was a village of thieves) moved far away. This greatly saddened Akai but spurred him further even more towards becoming a bounty hunter in the hopes that he would one day catch her in the act and be reunited with his best friend.[/QUOTE]

(This is too)
[QUOTE]
His hopes came true when at age seventeen, Akai was recruited by a wealthy man to guard his museum. A thief broke into the museum with the hopes of stealing a very valuable shield for themselves. They did not however, count on Akai being there, and after some fighting, Akai launched his first basic art from both swords illuminating the dark room and revealing none other than his childhood friend Amber. The two talked for a little while before the police came bursting into the museum, mistaking Akai for Amber's accomplice, they opened fire on both teens, causing them both to have to flee along with the shield through the sewers and back to their secret base from childhood.
[/QUOTE]
(How did they manage to escape from being hit from the "open fire"?)
[QUOTE]
They hid out there for a couple of days until the heat died down before making their way to a small hotel/restaurant owned by another one of Amber's friends by the name of Lucas. (technically his family owned it but thats just splitting hairs =P) There they spent the night in the same room, catching up on old times and in the morning, after much talk the previous night, they confessed their love for one another. (thats really all I can put cuz the RP this story comes from isnt done yet XD)[/QUOTE]

(Over all, much much better. There are still some elements missing, and some powers should be weakened or eliminated. The last thing you want is a character who can defeat anyone and everyone. I did notice that he and Amber did not win against the fight with their attackers, but the attack descriptions(particularly the ones that boxes his opponents in, or makes it impossible for them to escape from) make it seem as if he can defeat anyone and everyone. Try to work on it some more. I know it's annoying, irritating, tiresome to do, but this is a learning process. You are getting better, way better at this bio. It's even more detailed and answers most questions than before.

Also, you may want to explain a bit more of his pyrokinesis. Does he need his swords to summon and manipulate fire? Or can he use the power without his swords? Overall, good improvement. Try once more and I'm sure you'll get it. ^^ )

[Kayla Tsukino]

Also one thing. When you talk about events happening at spesific ages you not only have to put them in cronological order, but you have to make the events mesh. For example seeing as Akai was taken in at the age of five to train, you would have to intergrate this with him meeting amber at the age of seven. Did he enjoy sneaking off due to the training and being young? Most children don't take well to sternious work so often try to find a way to be well children for as long as they can. Look at the effects, intergrate Amber's story and her inclusion to his life with the span of events going on with his training and his recept of his swards.

[Akaikensei]

Akai has been fixed once again. Can either of you check him again pls?

[Firestorm]

A lot better. Big improvement. You may now use Akai to RP with.