My silly skit..., ...about Martha Stewart

[Rockys mom]

I already posted this at CV and a friend was nice enough to take it over to CH for me. Since we have nothing in this forum,I thoght I'd re-post it over here.


Martha Stewart Cliving or Right click and save target as...It's a good thing

Scene:Large,up-scale farmhouse in Rural Conneticut.Camera pans in through the window to a huge professionall equipped kitchen-which is a disaster of major proportions-unwashed pots and pans fill the sinks and line the counters.Trashcans overflow with macaroni & cheese boxes and empty Breyer's Peach Ice Cream containers.Martha Stewart enters,wearing a red T-shirt with the word "CLAYMATE" emblazoned on it in rhinestones.She is also wearing PJ pants and flip-flops.She stumbles over to the computer,mumbling the words "Aflack" and "When Doves Cry"

A short time later,her production assistant enters,carrying a clipboard

PA:" Martha,we really need to talk about some of your ideas for your new show..."Irish Food-how to make sure it's not still walking around on your plate","Can too much salad really kill you?",and "Milk Bottles-how to move them around and still keep them in line"...I don't understand how you could do a segment on those,much less an entire hour show.And this one..."Organizing your Clack-is a separate Waldo album a necessity?....just what did you do at Camp Cupcake anyway?"

Martha looks at her assistant through blurry,Clack-glazed eyes,her blinking tiara slightly askew

MS: "My cell-mate was one of the Lecherous Broads.She got sent to the big house for illegal Clack-gathering during the JNT. Jerome busted her right after she got EF'd during WAYDNYE...baby's due in September.It hasn't been an easy pregnancy for her,either.Seems like the kid's inherited those big feet and getting kicked in utero by those potential size 13 and 1/2's is no picnic,if you know what I mean"

PA: "No,actually I don't know.Most of the time lately,it's like you're speaking another language.And this kitchen-when is the last time you cleaned up in here?"

MS: "Well,I do try to sraighten things up a bit while I'm downloading files,but there's so much fan-fic to read...MommaJudy's Rapunzel Re-visited,Jude's Cluppy Diaries,and ValerieWarriorPrincess has just posted a new chapter of "Clay Aiken is Pissed"..."

PA: "Yeah,yeah.O.K.whatever....what about this invoice here?Since all I ever see you eat anymore is Hot Pockets and Krispy Kreme doughnuts,just what do you plan on doing with an entire case of turkey basters,for Pete's sake?"

MS:"Pete? I thought we were calling it Mike,now?...Anyway,I'd rather not say.I don't want to get on Jerome's "List" And speaking of invoices-has my Burberry bucket hat come yet? They're the perfect disguise you know.When you put one on ,absolutely no-one can recognise you.It'll be the perfect thing to wear to my probation hearings!"

~~~~to be continued.....or maybe not~~~~~ [/SIZE]

This post has been edited by Rockys mom on Nov 21 2005, 04:22 PM

[geordieate]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I can use more tips from the improved Martha. My Clack organization skills are pa-thetic, and my eggplants have shrunk to withering point (seriously, I curse this northeast weather).

P.S. My, you have big handwriting.

[Rockys mom]

:laugh: First time I ever cut and pasted a post from another board and I have absolutely no din-dang idea why it got so big!

Now if my eggplants would just get this large!

So I could do motherly things with them,you know?

[Rockys mom]

"It's that time of year when the world falls in love...."

Yes,it's that time of year again. A time of parties and gifts and hectic schedules for those with families and friends,for those who have places to go to and things to do.But that doesn't include everyone. Certainly not me.The only living creature I have to spend the holidays with is my beloved little dog.And sadly,even that won't be true for much longer.One final holiday season if I am very,very lucky.And I get through it as I suspect many others do. I treat myself to a purchase or two I otherwise wouldn't spend the money on. Lavish myself with imported cheese and lobster tail when my usual grocery list is hot dogs and Hamburger Helper.

That time of year....

...when every date on the calendar means something. Because last year (or two years,or ten years ago) this time things were different.You had a mother,or a father, or a husband,or a best friend.And you wonder -over and over and over again-was there anything you could have said or done that would have changed things. Anything not said or not done that could have brought about a different conclusion.

That time of year....

....when I looked for something-anything-to stop the gerbil wheel of thoughts and guilt and remembering.Even for just one hour.So...I turned on a television show.One I'd never watched before. Didn't even like the premise much. Music had meant too much to me to be turned into a reality show.So many great performers that I'd adored when I was younger couldn't even get recording contracts nowadays and this program was lavishing a million dollar contract on waitresses and school teachers.But the previews showing the "bad" singers held out the hope of a few badly needed laughs,so I tuned in.And yes,the bad singers were good for some laughs .Remember Keith singing "Like A Virgin"? Even I had to smile at that one.And then....

"Take time to tell me..."

...then a tall,skinny,bespectacled young man strolled out and announced in his Southern drawl that he was the next American Idol.Yeah,right.This was going to be a good one. Probably going to be the funniest one so far.And then he opened his mouth and sang...

"Take time to tell me..."

and everything changed. I heard in that voice something I had not heard for decades-maybe had never heard to this degree. Purity-not just in tone ,but from the source. Passion-not just for this song,but for the act of singing itself.

"....when the world falls in love..."

And I fell. I just didn't know it yet. I worried through Wildcard Night. Sat mesmerized through Solitaire. Panicked over Vincent..Was astounded by the radiance of BOTW. And was devastated by the anomaly.But all this was because I knew a great voice when I heard one. Which this kid definitely had. But I was *ahem* a little bit older than he was and I certainly wasn't about to start having those feelings again.Uh-uh . No way. Just because I sat up late watching Leno and Letterman or got up early to watch GMA (and myGod,would you just watch Diane Sawyer? And she's at least my age...)But in love with someone young enough to be my son? I wasn't that cra..enthusiastic.Yet.

And then my first concert. I hadn't seen the AI tour or the IT because as much as I wanted to go ,I felt as though that part of my life that I had loved so much was over.Until one morning I opened up my front door and the newspaper fell at my feet.With the news that Clay Aiken was coming to Musikfest.And over the next few months,getting a ticket to that record-breaking sell-out show was my main goal in life.And I managed to snag one. I wasn't on the boards yet so I was completely unspoilered.And I was keeping my expectations low. After all,there's a big difference between singing one 3 or 4 minute song great and keeping an audience entertained for a whole show.And he was a solo artist,so he couldn't give himself breaks with drum solos and the like. I was anxious to see if he could really pull this off live.

And of course he did.And I could not stop thinking about him. I heard about message boards on the Internet,but I didn't have a computer. Finally remembered that public libraries had them nowadays.So one day I ventured into my local library and went on-line for the first time in my life.Oh my God....the pictures.And there's videos? And I can buy the stuff I didn't take enough money to buy at the concert?So,instead of using the money I had saved from working two jobs to get my windows replaced I bought a computer.And I learned(well,I'm still learning actually)how to use it.

And after trying a few different boards I wound up here with all of you.And I started talking and you guys started answering.With a hug,a laugh,a reference to produce,or with tears. Every time one of you tells me you like what I wrote it means more to me than you will ever know. I want to print out your response and take it in to work and tell them.."Read this! I may be a worthless old b**** to you,but somebody somewhere thinks I have something to say."

Then there was the day last winter when I got a PM in my message box from a poster living in my area wanting to meet me in real-life.Well,meeting up with a stranger from the Internet usually winds up on the evening news followed by the phrase "film at eleven".I was scared .In more ways than one. I don't have any friends. I'm shy,introverted,and sarcastic.Not a great combination for attracting people.But I took the plunge.And I enjoyed that afternoon so much.And all the others that followed with other friends I made along the way.One of the best memories of my entire life is of sitting in the restaurant at the Borgata in Atlantic City at 2 o'clock in the morning singing BFM with my friends. I was living life again,not just watching from the sidelines.

"...It's that time of year when the world falls in love...."

And now I can admit it...I've fallen in love with him. For the millionth and the first time. Through good hair days and bad,through interesting clothing choices,and cases of "foot-in-mouth" disease. Through all the lies and garbage the late night comics,tabloids, and haters spew. Because one glimpse of him in a make-shift classroom in Banda Aceh,one photo of him surrounded by sleeping children in Uganda,one report of his walking through a downpour after a 2 1/2 hour long show to meet a sick fan in an ambulance-puts everything in perspective. I don't think it's a coincidence that Clay is where he is right now.Or that all of us are here with him. He's special.We saw it from the start.We heard it in his glorious,once in a generation voice.And we saw it in those once-in-a-lifetime eyes that mirror the soul of the man with-in. And I think...I hope...I pray...that he's starting to love us too,at least a little. Maybe more than we deserve.

To paraphrase Rod Stewart from so many years ago..."he's a rhapsody,a comedy,a symphony and a play.He's every love song ever written...he's in my heart,he's in my soul".He's...well,he's Clay Aiken.And I love him. Always and forever.

[Rockys mom]

GOOD NEWS

....why are you afraid? Has this world stripped you of your faith?...

Stripped of my faith? Sadly,yes I was.It wasn't so much my religious faith that had disappeared (though that had taken something of a blow as well)as my faith in the small,everyday things that so many people take for granted. Faith in the kindness of others.In justice and right prevailing.In man's humanity toward the rest of man-kind.

Faith in love...love had become just another word to me. I loved my little dog Rocky with all my heart,but that was the extent of it.The final days of my mom's illness led me to believe that she no longer loved me,maybe never had.And if you're the type of person that even your own mother doesn't love you....well,what can you expect from strangers?

I still felt affection for performers whose careers I had followed for decades,but the passion had long since cooled.If anything listening to or watching old recordings of concerts long in the past increased the pain,because they were associated with happier times spent with family and friends now absent.

And afraid? That may be an understatement.My mom's passing had left me with financial problems that I was working two jobs to try to pull myself out of. Sixty-five to seventy hours,seven day a week,every week,sometimes going for ninety days or more without a day off. Because I was afraid if I stopped,I might lose everything. I was afraid of ending up in a nursing home....I kept reliving my daily visits to my mom during her stays there. I became so focused on that dark horizon that I lost all joy and comfort in the present.And after 9/11 there was a whole new type of fear to be lived with.Not just for me,of course,but for all of us.


....for a moment let your sorrow fade....

As I spoke about in my first entry here,I found Clay during the AI auditions.At first it was really just something to help keep my demons at bay. I finally had something to look forward to,at least for two nights a week. I often look back with amazement that I spent all day worrying about the results of the Wild Card show...of course nowadays it doesn't seem so very strange to be thinking and worrying about Clay all day,but when you remember how little we had actually seen and heard him at this point (maybe 5 minutes,all told?) it speaks to how quickly he grabbed a place in our hearts.And when I had to work on the Tuesday night of the Finale,I dragged the VCR out of storage and hooked it up to record....the machine died after that night,but I do have my tape of that evening and the memory of actually managing to get one call through to vote for Clay.Not,of course,that it really mattered in the end.

I hate it that he lost. I hate it that he may have thought,or may still think,that Ruben is more talented,or better-loved,or more deserving of success than he is.With all we now know of 19E,we realize that it was much better that he did not get the crown.It still hurts that he lost his "confetti-moment" though.And I realized that,win or lose,he would no longer be on my TV twice a week.And I was surprised by how empty that realization made me feel.

But then I saw him on the Today show with Katie Couric gushing all over him. And on GMA with our #1 fan-girl Diane Sawyer.And he was so sweet and charming and funny that I just had to smile every time I saw him.Now that may not be such a rare occurrence for many of you but if I had a dollar for every time someone said to me "What's the matter with you?Why don't you smile more" I could out-bid Spooky for some Clay clothes.So anything that could put this big,goofy grin on my face was something special indeed.

....for a moment let your sorrow fade....

It was the start of the holiday season,2003.My fourth one of being all alone,of telling myself that I can get through this. Buy a nice big turkey to roast so that there's plenty of leftovers for Rocky to enjoy.And have the TV on in the background....only to have Clay turn up at the Macy's Parade. Christmas Eve spent all alone? Wait...they're re-running the Jimmy Kimmel that Clay was on,the one I missed the first time because a storm knocked the cable out. Christmas morning....well,Rocky adores opening presents. I think it confuses him that the other 364 days a year Mommy yells when he tears paper but today she thinks its cute.And Clay just happens to be singing on GMA.No date for New Year's Eve? Who cares? Clay's on the MTV special.And there's an Idol special on New Year's Day ,too. I got through every holiday that year a little easier because Clay was there to help.

Now,I'm not cra...enthusiastic enough to give Clay credit for personally arranging to be on TV every holiday just to make me life a little happier. But I do think that God,or Karma,or Fate, or Divine Providence, or whatever name you want to call it by did play a part in this.And it continued into 2004 as well.His OARS appearance took place on what would have been my mother's birthday and his Today show appearance came on what would have been my dad's.In fact,any date that year that might have been sad for me wasn't because somehow,somewhere Clay showed up. And for a moment my sorrow faded.

And then there was the night of the Billboard Music Awards. I wasn't on-line then so I'm not sure how I knew Clay would be on them but I did know about it.But a few days before the show,I started to feel like crap. Aching,fever,exhaustion,nausea,you name it. I called in sick from both my jobs and went to bed.And stayed there for days. I vaguely remember managing to go downstairs and feed Rocky,but all I could manage to do for myself was take a bottle of ginger-ale back upstairs to bed with me and drink it (luke-warm) whenever I was able to lift my head from the pillow.And think about how I was living my life.Or not living it,as the case may be.The non-stop work. Leaving my precious little dog alone too many hours,too many days.All that work and for what?I had no one to know or care that I was sick.I kept feeling worse.And worse yet. I would have called for an ambulance to go to the hospital,but I couldn't leave Rocky alone and there was no one else to care for him.So I just lay in bed and waited and worried.

Then the day of the BMA's came.And all I could think about was that I had to get downstairs and see that show. I had to see my boy win his award. Maybe I could go a week without food,but there was no way I could go without seeing Clay Aiken.So I crawled (literally) downstairs and propped myself on the sofa. Watched TRL for the first time. Wow,Clay's video was on! I started to feel a little better.And by the time the BMA's were over,I felt better still.Two days later,I went back to my full-time job and quit my part-time.And the bills are getting paid somehow. I think. I haven't really bothered to balance my checkbook since my first Clay Aiken concert over a year ago.And I've stopped stockpiling food and other things. Nobody really needs 72 rolls of toilet paper,do they?I've stopped being afraid of and obsessing over so many things.

....for us a time of joy....

And that is what I have now.Oh,not completely. Rocky's illness and it's inevitable outcome are proof that I still live in the real world where everything is not sunshine and rainbows.I'm still prone to depression that hits like a blck curtain falling over everything.But I have friends now to share with,both the laughter and the joy...the sorrow and the tears.And when all else fails I can take refuge in a beautiful voice,from a beautiful man,with a beautiful soul.

....listen to an angel pray...

I know Clay is no angel,just a flesh-and-blood human like the rest of us.Even he admits his halo,if he had one,would be crooked.But I have no doubt that it is straighter and shinier than mine will ever be.And to see and hear him sing Oh,Holy Night and Good News is to get a glimpse of something far greater and more beautiful then I would have ever experienced without Clay in my life.

....I leave you with Good News.

Yes,Clay you have definitely given so many of us Good News. I only hope that you never leave us for you are indeed our "time of joy".

This post has been edited by Rockys mom on Nov 18 2005, 08:52 PM

[Rockys mom]

mmmmmmmmmm(Posted Image)
(Posted Image)
mmmmmmmmmm(Posted Image)
(Posted Image)

This post has been edited by Rockys mom on Dec 19 2005, 12:25 AM

[Rockys mom]

(Posted Image)

(Posted Image)

This post has been edited by Rockys mom on Jun 19 2006, 11:02 AM