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Posted: Jan 15 2010, 11:36 PM

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Member No.: 484
Joined: 15-January 10


myriel cassandra nott

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    ďA therapist Ė thatís who I should be going to, but I donít have the money, the time, or the desire to express my deepest inner thoughts and terrible woes to a complete stranger. Nor, quite frankly, would he or she care. Oh, young pureblooded witches live such tragic livesÖ Quite honestly, these days, no one has the energy to spare any sympathy. Not that I blame them for it. Besides, Iím fairly certain that if the word of me going to a therapist got out in my motherís circle, she would absolutely dieÖ not that we have a relationship of any significance anymore anyway. At this point, Iím sure youíre ready to dismiss me, as I sound like a damsel in distress already. I would like to assure you, whoever you are, that this is not entirely the case, and if you donít mind, I will continue with my story. I suppose it would be easiest to start with the basics Ė who I am, my family and the likesÖ

    My name is Myriel Cassandra Nott, and as far as I know, I am not named after anyone of importance, though I wish I was. Then, I could have considerably more affection for my name. Iím not particularly fond of it, as I feel it sounds rather old-fashioned. The nickname of ĎMyrí (pronounced somewhat like Ďmirrí in Ďmirrorí) suits me just fine, though Iíll admit, there are only a few close companions who use this nickname. My family is not included in this category. I am the eldest daughter of three children, born to parents Theodore Nott and Pansy Parkinson Nott. I would like to point out at this point, before you hear anything more, that I do not hate my family or my parents. My siblings, Laertes and Eponine, and I get on quite well. Poor Laertes shares my similar condition of being betrothed, and Eponine, while she has for now escaped this fate, is a girlÖ and growing up in our household, that was something of significance. And now, I shall proceed to my beginnings, as I think the story will follow best that way.

    The marriage between my parents was not entirely unhappy, nor was it entirely arranged, if that could be said. When it became clear to Pansy Parkinson that she was not going to marry a former Slytherin of any significance, namely of the Crabbe, Goyle, or more importantly, the Malfoy family, a marriage to Theodore Nott became a convenience. He was a respectable sort of man, though he had kept to himself at Hogwarts. He was a pureblood, a Slytherin, and he had a fat paycheck and inheritance. For my mother, this was enough. In all truth, my father cared not at all who he married, if at all, save that it would please his own mother. Both the Parkinsons and Notts felt that this arrangement would Ďwork out quite nicely,í and I suppose for most involved that it has. As a child, I thought that my parents must be the happiest couple ever Ė they had three children, a beautiful home, and made a point to dine together a few times a week. As an adult, Iíve grown to realize that this is not true. My parents are not in love, nor have they ever been, though they make the marriage work some way or another. Intimacy for them is a form of what is expected and required of the marriage Ė not pleasurable on any emotional level, though the body may feel differently at times. I must say, though this does not sound in any way appealing, I donít disrespect them for these sentiments. My mother and father respect one another, and while everyone has their flaws, they did a decent job raising the three of us, in most areas. They are a proper, strict couple, and we might have once been a model for how pureblooded families should be. I suppose you expect, with that comment, that Iím about to tell you how in love I am with some scummy half-blood, or worse, Muggleborn. Donít worry though, as this is not the case, youíll come to see. Quite the contrary.

    I was my parentsí first child, and my birth was happy enough. Grandparents on both sides showered me with gifts and trinkets, even in my first year of life, and a spoiled life, I have a certainly lived. I was betrothed to Amaedeus Avery at three years old Ė I donít remember my first time meeting him. I believe that my mother did this in an effort to spare me the trouble later in my life, and of course, to ensure that my pureblooded views were instilled early. The message was clear. My brother, Laertes, was also born during this year, though I donít remember this either. My sister, Eponine, was born a year later. I would guess that Laertes and Eponine are closer than I to either of them, as they are closer in age, but I am fond of my siblings, particularly of Eponine, for reasons that will be later discussed. My childhood is nothing worthy of remark, and I spent my time imagining my future, as most children do. I dreamt of Hogwarts and of my one day marriage to Amadeus. This, of course, was my main reason of being, especially in my motherís mind, I was to be the wife of Amadeus Avery. Why this was so important, I am not entirely sure. I believe it stems from my motherís unhappiness, though she was extremely good at hiding this ever present feeling. My mother was unhappy for various reasons Ė she was unhappy with herself, unhappy with how the war had turned out, unhappy with her marriage, though her fake pretenses suggested otherwise. My father, Theodore, did not care in the slightest Ė he has always been an extremely detached man Ė it matters not who the subject of his detachment is. My father was the type of father that went to work, came home, expecting dinner and laundry to be ready. Heíd read the Daily Prophet by the fire with his shoes off, appraise us children for a minute or two, and then spend the rest of the evening by himself, a period of time where we were not to disturb him. However, my mother was not unsupported in her goal of making me a perfect little wife. It was expected by my father as well, even at three years old.

    My brother, Laertes, was betrothed similarly at a young age to Druella Malfoy, and I believe he endured similar torments, though the gender roles are generally harsher on women, in my opinion. As a child, of course, I noted none of this, not really understanding my Ďoppressioní nor caring for anotherís. Back then, it didnít really feel like anything terrible Ė I was spoiled rotten and got to wear pretty things every moment of the day. I was allowed to attend Motherís parties, though punished if I was anything less than an angel. My expectations of my life melded very easily to my parents Ė I was to go to Hogwarts, be sorted into Slytherin, graduate, marry Amadeus is nothing less than a pristinely white dress, and then I was to live happily ever after, caring for him in every way imaginable. The thought of ambitions beyond marriage, namely, a career, Merlin forbid, never crossed my mind in those days. The sugar-coated princess fantasies that I had at that time were enough to entertain me.

    For the most part, my parentsí plan went accordingly. I went to Hogwarts and was, most thankfully, sorted into Slytherin. Looking back on it, I couldnít imagine how things might have turned out had I not been Ė to my family, it would have been a complete disgrace. I paid heed to my studies, as expected, and did not put one toe out of line Ė as you might have caught on by now, my parents were nothing if not strict. Also quite thankfully, the thought of playing Quidditch was something I did not even entertain. My father did not think that this was a suitable role for a young lady of my stature, and I thought it a waste of time. I had a few friends during my years at Hogwarts, a few who I have maintained friendships with since graduatingÖ Overall, my education is not really worth noting Ė my school years were rather dull. My first year or so at Hogwarts, Amadeus and I had little to no contact. I was considerably younger than him Ė three years Ė and we were of different houses. Amadeus being in Ravenclaw did not deter my parents from agreeing that we should still be married, though my mother insisted that my dowry was lessened.

    I am not an unattractive woman, nor was I an unattractive child. Thankfully, aside from my motherís height and bosom, I take after my father. My mother, in my opinion, is not the epitome of beauty by any means, though she has done well for herself. My father, on the other hand, while not an attractive boy turned into a handsome man, even in his older age. I have his pale blue eyes and light hair. I also developed quite early, and so, it was not surprising when boys aside from Amadeus began to notice me in my second year. It was one such boy in Slytherin who took me to one of the dances and kissed me. I felt then that I was surely in love Ė I could not possibly marry Amadeus! Over the summer break, I went home and bravely told my parents this. I expected them, stupidly, to be happy for me, and to give me their blessings. I was a foolish adolescent, filled with misconceptions about my life and about the world. Instead, my father slapped me, told me to break off communication with this boy. He went on to tell me about sex and about what would happen to me if I was not a virgin when I was to be married to AmadeusÖ how my life would be empty and meaningless if this were not the case. No one would take me seriously, no one would love me, and there was no way that Amadeus Avery would want to marry me if I were not Ďpure.í Needless to say, this nightmare of what my future could be like, deterred me from wanting anything more than a happy marriage to Amadeus Avery. I broke off any friendship with the previous boy and focused my efforts on ensuring that that version of my future would not happen, terrified of the mere idea.

    To my surprised delight, Amadeus did not respond negatively to my efforts, and he seemed to warm up to me as time went on. He, however, was older than me, and seemed to expect more mature things of our relationship. Things that I was not ready and too scared for. He would kiss me, and while to my body it felt wonderful, my mind and heart would scream all the things that my father had warned me of. I always hesitated, always worried someone might see us, worried that if we went any further, he would reject me shortly thereafter as a whore. Please also remember that while my fears were more substantial due to frequent warnings by my father, I was also very young, certainly not mature enough for these sorts of themes. For Amadeus, I believe this was extremely frustrating, to the point that he finally broke off whatever relationship we had during our time at Hogwarts. I was convinced that my fears had come true. Too terrified to tell my parents of what had actually happened, I lied. I told them that Amadeus was perfectly happy with me, that he was just busy with graduating and then with travel post-graduation. Of course, there were the forced meetings once Amadeus had graduated that were incredibly awkward. I spent my time forcing myself not to cry during these meetings, never raising my eyes to look at him. Thankfully, he left for Europe, and I didnít have to see him after that, at least until we were older.

    During my last few years at Hogwarts, I was a different person as a result of this. I was closed, quieter than I always had been. My grades slipped for a term or so, until the threats of my parents forced them back up. I lost contact with a few people I had considered friends up until then, and I avoided men at all costs. I believed that my life was over, that I was going to die an old maid, living on the streets by myself, terrified that my parents would discover my inadequacies. The turning point at this time in my life was when a professor in my sixth year asked me what I would be doing when I graduated in a yearís time or so. I didnít understand and asked for clarification. She asked what career I would be pursuing. The very word confused me. I told her that I was betrothed, as if that was the answer. She laughed kindly and told me that that didnít have to be all that I lived for. The words completely astounded me, and for a few days, I was offended. But I couldnít shake them, and inklings of what could be began to work their way back into my head. Perhaps I wasnít as worthless as I had imagined. I ended up seeking my professorís advice, telling her nothing of my actual predicament. She suggested, with my impeccable grades and test scores, that I do some work for the Ministry.

    When I graduated, my parents expected that I would live at home, travel a bit, and simply prepare myself for my eventual marriage. I told them that I thought my job at the Ministry would allow me to prepare better for my upcoming marriage. They, though uneasily, allowed it, not knowing that my job at the Ministry had nothing at all to do with Amaedus Avery or my marriage. In fact, it was the first thing I had ever done for myself. In my first year or so out of Hogwarts, I did a lot of growing. I became an adult, and for the first time, in my outlet at the Ministry, I began to think for myself. I made some friends. I realized, as I loosened up a bit, that my views on sex and the world were terribly misconstrued with my father largely to blame. Of course, this meant nothing in practice Ė the idea of having sex with anyone but Amadeus after we are married completely terrified me Ė but it did make me dislike my home a fair amount more. The constant questioning of my whereabouts, my friends, my male co-workers was driving me insane. Finally, I could take it no longer. I asked my parents to allow me to move into a flat in London, feeling that this was the best way to get practice at running my own household. I expected them to completely disagree, expected they would then disown me if I went through with it, breaking off my inheritance and my betrothal. On the contrary, my father thought this was a very wise idea and found me the nicest place in London. Of course, my measly position as a secretary at the Ministry does not cover the costs of this, by any means. My parents still pay the monthly rent, knowing that soon, I will be married, and they wonít have to deal with any of my expenses.

    Away from the grips of my two guardians, I was finally able to breathe. Iíve been to parties, Iíve met friends, and Iím proud to say that Iíve been on a date or two, though there was no physical contact in any instance of those. Iíve grown into an independent young woman, and for the first time, Iím comfortable with myself. I know who I am and where I stand. I have opinions, though youíll be hard-pressed to get me to share them without prompting. I would suppose that my sense of humor is rather dull and probably nothing more than sarcastic, but I no longer feel a great need to impress anyone but myselfÖ except perhaps Amadeus. He, however, is a completely different story entirely. He returned from his travels and began working at the Ministry of Magic as well, around the time that I was moving out of my parentsí abode. Iíve done my best to avoid him, and so far, this has worked quite well. In all truth, I would be perfectly happy breaking off the engagement, save that I know my parents would cut off my fundsÖ and I am nothing if not spoiled. I love indulging myself in luxuries Ė massages, expensive clothing, beautiful living accommodationsÖ These are things I cannot live without, and I suppose that at some time in the future, I will have to live with Amadeus Avery. For now, I try not to think about him. Or see him, if I can manage. He has written me a few times since returning, but I have not bothered to write him back.

    As for my siblings, Laertes and I see each other from time to time. However, it is Eponine that I most concerned about. I feel that she has a great opportunity to really make something of her life, since she has graduated and still has no betrothal arranged. I am thinking of asking my parents to allow her to live with me, to aid my experience of managing a household. But that will come with timeÖ

    As for the murmurs of change, I cannot say that I am not excited, working under a new Minister of Magic. I do hope, very much, that this change comes with penalties for those of less than pureblood, as it should have been for all these years. I am tired of the constant laments against us of pureblood, as though we were some form of oppressors. It is not my fault that these ignorant wretches were not born with as much status as we should have. I must say that I have heard certain officialsí views on the matter and have been impressedÖ I will be as ready as the next when the time comes.Ē

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Nemo didn't do dates. Not in the least... What the women he was usually with regarded as a "date" to him were more like... an investment, an indulgence. Not a date. The idea of dating a woman was not something Nemo thought sounded appealing. Supposedly then, there were attachments, responsibilities... Nemo wasn't the scumball jerk who couldn't deal with the responsibilities, the commitment a relationship required... not in the least. He just had no desire to share his life on an emotional level with someone, especially a stupid woman. He liked looking at them, but in Nemo's mind, the world was a much better place when women were confined to the roles of housewives. His sister, for example, as dear to him as she was, did just fine living in his manor, not worrying about un-womanly things like a job or even worse politics. No, Nemo couldn't imagine sharing his greatest fears and desires with a woman. Lesser desires were another story, however.

This, however, was not an investment, as Nemo intended his betrothal to Lucrezia to die as soon as possible. He was not investing in their future, and she certainly wasn't going to come home with him and please him. Therefore, it was very difficult for Nemo to qualify it as anything other than a date. Of course, there was his relationship with the Pritchards on the line... If it ended badly, well, he could ditch the idea of having their support with their daughter humiliated... With what was to come, however, Nemo could not afford lack of support from any of the old families, even the Pritchards.

He had to give his old, stupid, meddling grandfather credit though. If it had not been for the whole betrothal thing, Nemo might have actually enjoyed himself. The creature sitting across from him at the table was quite lovely, and Nemo couldn't say that he didn't find her attractive. In truth, if Nemo was going to marry someone, she would qualify as a candidate -- pureblooded, former Slytherin, dark-haired (not that Nemo was usually that picky, but if he was going to marry her...), and pretty... She had good taste in clothes as well, apparently, and she had not talked his ear of yet, which was a definite plus. Nemo reminded himself that he shouldnít get too far ahead; they had not been there that long yetÖ He unfolded his napkin and tucked it neatly into his shirt, waiting for a waiter to pour his wine.

The restaurant was a favorite of Nemoís, expensive, classy, and frequented by pureblooded patrons Ė the owner, despite significant drops in business as a result, made sure to provide less than tasteful service to those who were not of pure heritage, a service that Nemo tipped extra for. The French cuisine was flawless, and once again, though Nemo was not investing in Lucrezia, he wasnít going to eat crap simply because he didnít want her to read into it too much. It was a difficult balance Ė he didnít want her to be picking out wedding rings, but he also didnít want her to run crying home to her parents that night about Nemoís lack of interest. Unfortunately, the waiter was not helping his causeÖ they had been seated at a particularly romantic table, a spot that any other night would have pleased Nemo and his escort. There were luscious curtains, glowing candles, and excellent wineÖ a perfect concoction. Unfortunately, the circumstances were wrong.

ďMy sister and I adore this restaurant,Ē he commented offhandedly, once the waiter had left them with full glasses of wine. He took a sip of his. Wonderful, as always. ďHave you ever been here?Ē He didnít enjoy complete silenceÖ idle chatter was acceptable for the moment, as long as she didnít think that meant more than it did. He couldnít wait until this night was over.


Posted: Jan 16 2010, 12:06 AM

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