Application Review Thread, Read the first post, people.

Ok. I'm going to give this a try, but there are some unbreakable rules here.

1. THIS THREAD IS NOT AN OFFICIAL APPLICATION POINT FOR MRPF. YOU STILL MUST PM AIKO. HOWEVER, IF YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR PROFILE, POST IT HERE FIRST.

2. NO FLAMING, OR ELSE.

3. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM/COMPLIMENTS ONLY. COMMENTS SUCH AS "it suks" or "it rulez" WITH NO FURTHER EXPLANATION WILL BE DELETED ON SIGHT. COMMENTS FROM SENIOR MEMBERS ONLY!!

4. BE NICE. OR ELSE.

*Deep breath*
Alright. Floodgates are open. Post away.

Name or Alias: Alex
Screen Name: DuckFish
Age: 14
Years of role-play experience: Three years
Define role-playing: Role-playing is becoming a character that you are not, and, perhaps, inhabiting an area that doesn’t exist.
Define moding (god-moding): God moding is when one is indestructible; hits other characters without giving them a chance to react; kills other characters without their consent; never takes a hit.
Define OOC: OOC is when the one who is Role-playing the character is speaking.
Define IC: In my understanding, IC is either when you are continuing within the RP in general, or continuing the RP within the first person perspective.
How do you feel about role-playing? Role-playing is one of the greatest things that I have found. It is a way to escape the troubles of my chaotic life.
How do you feel about the Metroid© series? In my mind, the metroid series is the greatest thing Nintendo has created.
Why do you think this forum needs you? I, if allowed, can contribute to the plots of this forum.
How would you rate your skills on a level from 1-10? 6
Do you feel that you can abide by all the rules set in this role-play forum? Yes.
What is your personality like? I am normally very optimistic, while the rest of the time I can be rather sarcastic. I am kind and thoughtful, but, unfortunately, I am liable to say things without thinking. I am also a procrastinator, and also have a highly limited attention span.
Pick the example of a role-play session which you think is a good way to role-play:
RaynezDreamz: Walks inside, pulls out pistol and shoots Bob in the head and walks out: I know that this is an improper way of role-playing. One major reason this is true, is because this person killed Bob without giving him a chance to react.
RaynezDreamz: Walks inside casually looking around spots her next target. Ordering a drink first she casually observes her target. Seeing her target being in a deep conversation Rayne comes up behind and draws her pistol out. The shoving it into the side of Kelly’s head then speaks slowly. “I suggest you don’t move or I’ll put a bullet in your brain.”: I am certain that this the most proper way of role-playing out of the two options.

Tell me how you can help this forum: If you define help, “contribute to the development of this forum,” I can help by heavily advertising this forum, although I will never use pop-ups.

Character Information

Full name: Arcel Mianjio
Status: Musician/Bounty Hunter
Race: Gernai
Home planet: Lorthesen
Age: 27 Earth years
Height: 6’ 7”
Weight: 165lbs
Skin color: Light tan
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair color: Black
Weapons used: He has a medium power plasma rifle as his main range weapon. His backup ranged weapon is an Incase of Emergency (ICE) Pistol, which can stun an enemy for short periods of time. His close combat weapon is an old katana, which he uses only for practicing the art of battle. He also can use his morphing skill to create close range weapons from his body.
Skills: He holds the skill to change his form, so long as the form he changes to must have the same mass as he. He is brilliant in many aspects. He is extremely bright in the arts, particularly music.
Personality: He is rather sarcastic, although kind hearted. He respects those who respect themselves and those who respect their surroundings. When hunting, however, he suppresses any emotions, and takes on an alternate personality.
Ship(s): The ShadowBird is his only ship. His father was to give him on his 19th year, and he cherished it greatly. It is in the shape of a crested bird and can house one. It has a jump drive that can recharge in two days.
Armored accessories: He wears a rather light armor, which slightly lowers the damage of ranged attacks, but has no effect on melee attacks. He does not have a helmet, but he does have an eyepiece visor. It also comes equipped with a small oxygen tank on his back, which connects to a mask that covers his mouth and nose.
Brief history: His childhood was a happy one. He was blessed with few close friends and a loving family. His parents were highly supportive for all his decisions, but still put boundaries if his actions were risking his own health. He was rather good at school, although his organizational skill were nearly non-existent. He majored in math and the arts.
His father, he realized in his early teens, was a dictator. He jumped to conclusions and always blamed problems on him. He was forceful and hardly ever shown respect to him, but never abusive. After some time Arcel learned to manipulate him, but only to get out of trouble.
His mother was his idol. She was always kind to him and never disrespected him. She had less money than his father, yet she seemed to treat him more than his father. She taught him much in many aspects.
When he was seventeen, his father was murdered in his own home. A man by the name of Dorian Olen was looting his house; when he came to the foyer to see what was going on, he shot him. It was an instant death. Enraged by this act, he searched for him, and found that he was still living on that planet. He hunted him down and killed him slowly; a metaphor of the pain that he would have to endure his entire life.
He never saw his father’s will, but was told that most of the money went to getting his mother out of debt. He was given a small sum, and it would be given to him when he came of age.
Two years after, on the day of his nineteenth year, he was given a ship. A glorious ship that was black with white wings and a yellow-green cockpit area. His mother told him that it was his father’s intention to give this to him. That was also the time when he was given the inheritance.
A sort time after that, he decided it was time to leave. He left a couple months after his day of birth, in order to start anew. His career when he just arrived was as a musician, but he could not earn a living through that alone. He stuck with that job for two years, when he heard that there was a murder, and that someone was putting up a bounty for this man’s head. When reading of what this man did, anger brewed inside of him. The same anger that he had when Dorian murdered his father. He took the job and tracked down the perpetrator. He did not take long, nor was he quick, but he found him. His hand changed into a long metal spike, and pinned him to the ground by his torso, as if he was an insect, and thus, a hunter was born.
Later that day, it seemed as though he completely forgot what happened. He knew that he killed him, but could not remember how. It would seem that with this anger came a different personality, one that would shield him from the horrors of murder.
He hopes to earn enough money to resign the bounty hunter title and earn a living just with his music.


(I know that this will be extremely flawed and I am taking suggestions on how to make it worthy to be accepted.)

Actually, your character is one of the most creative bounty hunters I've seen in a long time, though he's still sort of built on cliches. Sort of a freaky combination of Spider-Man, a bard, and an insane person. Interesting, and with mild adjustment (Shape-shifting problems more carefully explored, new species explained more) he'll make a fine addition to the 5 million other bounty hunters. I think maybe "vigilante" would be a better title, honestly.

Actually this is the best application I've seen in awhile, I think it would probably pass. The only flags that go up for me are the weapons and skills... I'm wary of people creating and abusing over-powerful characters. However, you've got some good writing skills going for you so it's quite possible you don't fit in this category and everything's fine =)

The katana is a teensie bit cheesy, but not over the top.

I like the amount of detail. If you put that much effort into your posts you'll do well here. Good luck!

Aw man a Space Bard, why didn't I think of that!?

He sounds like an awsome character and I look forward to RPing with you. I myself am the holder of the only Medic in all of MRPF space so I can't be too enviouis

The history seemed a little longer than what we're used to but it wasn't so long I was dragging my but just to finish it.

I knew that I would need to work on weapons and skills, that was obvious.
On a completely different note, who is this bard I keep hearing about?

Actually the weapons and skills are ok, you don't need to re-write them or anything. Again, I'm just cautious that with shifting skills and a plasma beam and a katana etc. he might be a bit over-powerful, but you seem to have a good attitude about this so I'm really not all that worried.

I thought about creating a space bard once, but having to write everything in prose or rhyme might deter me from posting as often as I should =)

So, is there anything that I absolutely must change/improve on my application?

Edit: What could I do to not make my character overpowerful?

Hmmm... medic... that gives me an idea!
Oh, and I'm not sure where I should rate my skills, considering by Bnet standards I was an incredibly awesome RPer, because Bnet sucked, but here, I'm not sure where I stand. Any ideas...?

Any ideas as far as where you stand? Well, post a little bit of an RP for us to review, or make your character profile and post it here for review. Then you can see how you compare, and how you can improve.

I don't actually have any surviving RPs that I was in, considering the old Bnet forums switched to the new when WoW came out. I'll just post a profile as soon as I can come up with a character who isn't ridiculously overpowered or really cliche.

DuckFish: First, your name is cool.

Second, there are about a million things in your character that I would normally gag at. Dead father a'la Travis Clark. Probably overpowered morphing ability a'la Dark Weapon. Profiency with every weapon in the universe a'la [enter the name of any non-Beflexor character here].

...Normally. There's something about Arcel that reminds me of that sort of nigh perfect foreign prince sort that appears in countries with warrior traditions and heavy divisions of upper and lower classes. I don't know what Lorthesen is like, but I recommend this cultural direction, and I recommend that the Mianjio family was one of mildly high regard (how else could their child become such an expert with everything?) That's just my impression from reading the profile, of course.

Also, as Lorthesen is currently under new planet status, I suggest inserting Arcel in at the end of the Future Metroid cycle. There seem to be a lot of revolutions and local political upheavals recently, and I'll be damned if I let them pass as mere coincidences!

Buuuuuuut, it is all up to you. Just my opinion, just my opinion. Know that Arcel could be a piece of shit played badly, and he's the sort who could be played badly very easily, so be careful. I'm interested to see your performance...in the circle of death.

Hmmm... I'm working out the kinks in a new race, trying to not adhere to cliches, whatever. Expect an application here... um... eventually.
EDITO: Got it. Here goes:

Name or Alias: Grif
Screen Name: Pieboy (or The Last Metroid)
Age: 15
Years of role play experience: 2.5 if you only count online, 4 if you count tabletop
Define role playing: interacting with a fictional world in an imagined scenario as a fictional character, usually of your creation.
Define moding (god-moding): EVIL!! (sorry, couldn't resist) Not giving people time to react to you, acting as if you can do no wrong, being invincible, et cetera
Define OOC: When one is speaking as themself, not as their character.
Define IC: When one is speaking ordescribing the action of their character.
How do you feel about role playing? I love it, and I prefer stories that are a bit deeper and less kick-in-the-door.
How do you feel about the Metroid© series? Love that too.
Why do you think this forum needs you? Err.. that's an odd question, but I'm a decent RPer and a competent writer, so I'm fairly sure you could at least benefit from my presence.
How would you rate your skills on a level from 1-10? 6 or 7, possibly...?
Do you feel that you can abide by all the rules set in this role play forum? Almost certainly.
What is your personality like? Er... seems a bit out of place, but whatever. I think I'm a pretty likable person, I enjoy reading and writing, obviously, and watching movies, and karate. (doing it, not watching it)
Pick the example of a role play session which you think is a good way to role play:
RaynezDreamz: Walks inside, pulls out pistol and shoots Bob in the head and walks out: Okay, no. That's godmoding, probably not using the right name, and using the most bland language possible. Just... no.
RaynezDreamz: Walks inside casually looking around spots her next target. Ording a drink first she casually observes her target. Seeing her target being in a deep conversation Rayne comes up behind and draws her pistol out. The shoving it into the side of Kelly’s head then speaks slowly. “I suggest you don’t move or I’ll put a bullet in your brain.”: That's quite a bit better, as it shows her character a bit by buying a drink, uses much more interesting language... yeah. It still is kind of godmody, but that's probably my paranoid side acting up.

Charact0r!
Full name: Solethen Tequryol (these are not said in order, but intoned at the same time.)
Status: (job) Fighter Pilot
Species: Zalamath
Race: ...Zalamath? (If there's a difference, please notify me.)
Home planet: Zalamar
Age: 29
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 160 lbs.
Skin color: Dusky grey
Eye Color: Dark green
Hair color: (if applicable) none
Weapons used: Zalamath fighter ship, Zalamath energy carbine, Zalamath personal defense pistol (not often).
Skills: Piloting, ground combat, stealth
Personality: Somewhat cynical, bitter, but also not entirely undevoted to the Zalamath cause.
Ship(s): Zalamath fighter ship
Armored accessories: (suits, Federation armor etc…) Zalamath pilot's armor
Brief history: Solethen Tequryol's race, the Zalamath, are quite content to leave others to their own affairs, but are also fairly paranoid, and sport a large defense fleet. Solethen is a member of the rather insignificant exploration fleet, which means he is thought of as a ruffian and a barbarian by most. This is doubled by the fact that he is something of a lowlife. His life has been a struggle to survive, and he managed to climb his way to a civilian position. He joined the fleet to relieve the crimes he had had to commit, and has since proved to be a competent pilot and a dpendable soldier. However, he is hated by the defense fleet, and tries to stay as far away from Zalamar as possible.

All right, I'll come right out and say it, he's inspired by Sean Bean's Sharpe series. I'll try not to play him as a total spin-off, though.


EDIT: Riddle me this... Is there something about me posting in a topic that kills it? Do you guys just not like me?

Most of us are insanely busy and not inclined to check dead threads to see if we need to respond to something. And, honestly? Posting one-liners around the general section and whining "don't you like me?" in PMs to the admins and in mulitple threads IS highly annoying.

Feedback on your character:

First, basing a character entirely on someone else's idea is not terribly interesting. If parts of your character profile are inspired by other characters that's ok, but we're asking you to show us that you're capable of some original, creative thought... and you're giving us a copy of something else.

Some more detail in places would be helpful. You say he uses Zalamath weapons, ships and armor. Can you describe these?

The personal history is ok for a start, depending what you do with it. I'd like it better if I thought you'd come up with it on your own. Adding more detail would certainly make it more interesting, and it would also help to show us that you're capable of coming up with these details. I'm curious how this character relates to the Federation part of the galaxy, are the Zalamath in the Federation? It doesn't seem like they would be.. so are they allies or enemies?

Part of the reason we never got around to your stuff is because you NEVER submitted an official application. The application thread is NOT the official avenue for submitting apps. You MUST email them to ME before they undergo official evaluation. Please read the Beginners threads and try again. I don't look at any applications in this thread.