Application Review Thread, Read the first post, people.

I'm agreeing with Scout. She's much too young.

All the description of the accessories is pretty much unnecessary, except for the shoulder sheath. Bling is cool and all, but it doesn't really affect how your character functions.

I'm a little confused as to why she just decided out of the blue to leave the gang, even if it was just "taking a break." I mean, her brother was in it and he was the last relative she knew. Also, a gang is kind of a safety net. If she's extremely poor and having to steal things to survive, a gang is a good thing to be a part of, because it means that she has people to fall back on if she gets sick, runs out of food, has to hide from cops, etc. Deciding to up and leave, especially with something as expensive to maintain as a ship, not to mention the fact that it's stolen and probably attracts suspicion, if not open hostility, from the law, doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

In fact, it might even be more interesting to have her be part of a gang. We have far too many dramatic loner bandit types on this forum already.

I think it's great, the history sounds like it's written with a little bit of shorthand so it flows at a more hurried pace. That may not be a bad thing though.

You might want to flesh out just why she decided to take a break. If the gang is funding her, then they must think it's a good idea or feel that it has an advantage, for example, maybe she could hear rumors of something to steal and report it back, or learn some tricks they might otherwise not know about.

I think her age is appropriate since delinquency usually starts at a very young age. They start as meddlers as young as twelve (or ten or eight, depending on if they have an older sibling).

I doubt she's going to turn out to be the "loner bandit type" since I could see her going back and visiting her gang. Even so, when she's not with the gang, she could still try to get other people to jump in on the heist. Although you have to split the profits, it's always way easier when you have other people helping you out.

N-not that I know anything about that <_<;;

Cut me some slack with her history, will ya? X_x I was helping her write it when I should have been sleeping... >>;;;

Besides, 17 isn't all that young considering some of the gang members in the LA area... Some start out as old as 14, maybe even 15 (as young as 10 or 11 for ruffians and troublemakers). You'd think that the age might've dropped maybe a tiny bit more considering that living conditions in our RE universe in some area might still be the same, sort of like the slums deal (Been reading too much Japanese history this last quarter for HIEA 112).

Are you familiar with a character who is considered to be a delinquent by many named Jotaro Kujo who's only 14...? *Brick'd* XD;;;

And what reputation are you talking about? She doesn't even have one, and I don't think she will. Only thing she has going for her is working with Kraven Pyro, but other than that, even that's not significant enough to warrent her a rep. Reason I had that one part with her and Kraven Pyro was so that I can help Puma ease Lena into the RE universe. That, and sort of following along with B's suggestion, have her become the gang's recon sort of person. But we'll see how that turns out. I have a feeling that Pyro might be affected more by Lena than vice versa since I haven't had time to develop him that much, save that he's a rogue who is also a martial artist and loves to cause trouble.

It sort of does if you think about it. It tells you that she's already a delinquent from a young age, not to mention it also gives society a means of stereotyping, placing her in certain levels of the said society, in this case, a gang/outcast. Think of it as a means of the gang easily identifying her when needed. Besides, never know when small silver/stainless steel hoops might come in handy to tripping/bypassing alarms...

As of the moment, both Puma and I seem to see that, but we're not too sure. Perhaps she might stay that way, or going down another path. I mean, it's still too early to say anything seeing how we sort of drew her from scratch within half an hour after our game time...

Anyways, the details we'll flesh out maybe later on tonight or tomorrow, perhaps even after Christmas since now is all hustle and bustle.

Oh, it looks like I missed some of that. So the gang is actually funding her on some kind of shady endeavor? That makes more sense, I guess. But definitely take B's advice and flesh out why they sent her off.

I suppose, if the gang identifies its members by a very specific, subtle sequence of piercings. That would actually be pretty cool. The way it is, though, it just kind of seems like she has anime-type irregular body piercings. So flesh out some things to make it more interesting and less arbitrary and you've got a solid casino robber right there.

Hey the piercings aren't always anime.... ;;; I see so many people out on the streets with those kind of piercings.... (Example: emos, punks, goths, etc.)
So those piercings could also be real life and those are pretty common where I come from/go... -_-;;;
So nyah , you can't yell at me for having a character to have so many piercings... Besides, she is my character :3

What I'm saying is that they're not really necessary unless you make them an important part of your character, and if they're a way to identify your character as part of a gang (hell, maybe she did them herself as part of an initiation ritual. I don't know) that's actually an interesting angle on the character. If not, your character just has earrings because they look cool.

Besides, emo kids are really annoying.

Back on the age issue, it's true that a lot of delinquents start off young. But they're not pulling major heists and piloting spaceships. That takes a while, and delinquents are usually just stealing TVs, maybe cars, and tagging alleyways. That implies an investment in crime as a career. And learning to fly any kind of spaceship on your own, if it's anything like getting a pilot's license nowadays, is extremely hard.

It's Jessie. On her account currently since I'm using her laptop, and too lazy to logout/login... XD;;;

Don't worry. Lena won't be an emo character. even though Puma has a hard drive called "EMO!!!!" (Short of "Emoticons") on her computer, she doesn't really like emo-type characters. Doesn't really fit her style.

Anyways, she's not pulling major heists (it was never mentioned that she did, but it can be safely implied that she was a part of it, not that she led any). Besides, as BOTH of us said, we will add more details to fill in on the gaps. Most of the younger members don't get licenses and rely on the older ones to drive them around until they are able to obtain some sort of license in case they get caught. In Lena's case, as with most cases of those who are in poverty, they have a tendency to pick things up relatively quickly in order to survive. But, again, since we don't have the details fully filled out, it's unsafe to say that she did not join the gang at a very young age. Just that 17 is when Puma decided to start her character's age in the universe. There are only a few assumptions that can be safely made while others are a bit iffy until more details are fleshed out.

The sibling relationship is sort of the same as the one the Falcons share, but on the other side of the law. So, it's one of those 'older-influences-younger' sort of deal (And never did we say what gender the sibling was).

Besides, she's not always alone, and the area she's in is probably non-Fed controlled or in the outskirts, like Rogue, Sigmus Aramaic, and Oki VI. This is said because both she and I plan to have one of those minor intergalactic gang groups that tend to establish small rings in various areas of the galaxy in case she needs immunity or help from trouble she gets into.

The age will stay as is, the history will be fleshed out more. I think that's all that can be said for now since it's taking a while to weave in what is needed. Besides, she's playing Kingdom Hearts II at the moment while I'm waiting for my turn on the Wii for Metroid Prime III Corruption...

Okay, sure. I can accept that that's shorthand history and you're going to add to it. That's cool.

I think something we've sort of forgotten is that it's okay to do some things for the sake of coolness. I freely admit that I've done it myself (Trisha's combat boots anyone?). If you don't have at least one cool little quirk about your character, then you're not going to enjoy them as much and, perhaps, even start to hate them.

Having a little something like earrings or oddly colored eyes (not ones that change wild rainbow colors XD) or something like that I feel is okay. Now, if people are going overboard and creating 'cool' characters that are direct anime rip-offs, that's where it gets ridiculous. Even cool weapons are getting iffy.

There doesn't have to be an in-depth, detailed reason for everything about your character. Sometimes "I just thought it would be neat" is enough reason. And if it isn't, the reason would come in time.

Maybe the only reason she has so many earrings is because she's a little superstitious and seven is a lucky number?

See, what I'm saying here is that I don't think it's good form to do things just to be cool. I guess I'm just doing the high-concept thing (nothing happens unless it advances the plot). But it's a moot point now, and it was never a big deal to begin with.

I agree with Jessie on the age issue. Though South Texas isn't exactly L.A., we have some pretty serious gangs around here, most of whose members are just kids. My mother can attest to this fact, as she is the principal of the alternative education center in my hometown, which is the school for the troubled kids. We're talking 14 and 15 year olds who are already hardened criminals. So a 17 year old thief isn't all that weird to me.

Other than that, I like this character, especially the fact that she comes from a gang. Giving her some kind of social structure breaks the mold from the typical lifelong loner.

Plus I get more crooks to hang out with

I think a lot of the misunderstanding I had here was that I thought she was leading big heists, having inferred a lot from the history. So I assumed she was 17 and already a career criminal and able to proficiently pilot a spaceship, which didn't seem realistic. But now that I've re-read it at an earlier hour and realized that she's only really doing small-time stuff like working on small heists and typical gang carjacking type stuff, I don't really have a problem.

This is the Revised Version of my character's profile:

Full Name: Lena Black
Trade/Profession: Thief
Race: Human
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Height: 5’ 2”
Weight: 135 lbs [61.2 Kg.]
Skin Color: Tan to Light Bronze
Eye Color: Hazel Green
Hair Color: Brick Red
Weapons: Knives; variety of lock picks; stunners/EMR rod; micro hacking system
Skills: Minor hacking; plundering; disguises
Personality: Tolerant when needed, sociable as needed; mostly laid back
Accessories: Four piercing on right ear (two top/two bottom); three piercing on left (all on top); shoulder dagger sheath (hidden under shirt); black and navy blue fingerless gloves; necklace with a gold medallion (sunburst design with green gem in middle)
Clothing: T-Shirt; long jeans; sneakers
Character History: Life isn’t all that easy, especially when living in the slums of any planet. Lena Black is no exception. Coming from the lower-middle class, her family barely had enough income to survive a day, forcing them to steal some things on the side to survive a bit easier. Her brother had become a delinquent not too long after Lena turned four and joined a local gang, leaving the family for a life of crime and the promise of a better life than his current one. Upon leaving, his mother was very weak and sick, and the father left when Lena was just turning seven. Eventually, her brother came back and told her to leave their now-deceased mother to join gang.

Lena joined the local gang and learned to be a thief; basically became a delinquent. She started out doing small time petty thefts like purses and pick-pocketing under the supervision of her brother. Eventually, he brought her before the head leader, Vogul ‘Firefang’ Assai, to ask if she could join. Upon meeting with his advisors, which were leaders of the other gangs, they agreed that she could join, but only if she passed the initiation test.

Firefang had pointed out that there was a very simple, light speeder craft in a hangar that had little to no security, only the occasional security guard that made his routines. With some help from her brother and a few select members to create diversions and successfully stole the small craft, but not without some problems, like almost setting off the alarms, and trying to make enough diversions to lure the guard away far enough. With such a successful run, Firefang allowed her to join the gang, piercing her right ear twice on the top and twice on the bottom, while the left had three piercings on the top. Also as a reward, the head leader allowed her to keep the craft she stole, now named the Serpentine Noir.

With help from her local leader and her brother, she was able to learn how to create disguises, how to maintain her ship, and even how to do minor hacking jobs to gain information. After a while, she decided to take a break from the gang for a bit to travel around, using some of the funds given to her by the gang and whatever was left of her former life as a means to get around. She does go back, but when she is away, she is usually hanging around other gangs that have affiliations to her own. She even returns to her home in the slums whenever she comes across news of a large bounty, participating in the heists as the quick getaway or distraction. When on her own, she does small-time thieving jobs to gain some sort of pay to maintain her ship.

Time to time, she meets up with the rogue Kraven Pyro and learns a few tricks from him, some times even competing for the same small job to see who does better and faster.

Much better. All the holes that I had are pretty much filled except for the ones that nobody else cares about, so I'd say you'd have a good shot at getting in if you submitted this.