View Full Version: G.I JOE and G.I. JOE 2

Mobius > Sci-Fi, Horror & Fantastic Cinema > G.I JOE and G.I. JOE 2

Pages: [1] 2

Title: G.I JOE and G.I. JOE 2
Description: It's about to get geeky in here.


Tom Kessler - February 1, 2008 03:23 PM (GMT)
I'm going to guess that Mobian G.I. Joe enthusiasts are a very small select few. In fact, if there's three of us, you can color me surprised. It's a foregone conclusion that anyone ranging in age from 30 - 35 at least knows what I'm talking about. This would be the generation of kids who were exposed to Hasbro's early-mid '80s reinvention of the warlike alternative to Barbie. The soldier doll was replaced by much cooler sounding "action figure" and the name was appropriate. These little plastic guys and gals are still the most posable and versatile "war toys" that I've ever come across.

Over nearly half a decade, a fairly nifty ensemble of characters were introduced as part of a rather decent comic book series, all masterminded by Mr. Larry Hama.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Hama

This is significant for a number of reasons, but the most pertinent comes to us this morning courtesy of Latino Review:

http://latinoreview.com/news/exclusive-lar...-joe-movie-3764

There's some bad news in there as well, but it will only matter to those who really care. Heck, if Hama experiences a little bit of celebrity due to the film then perhaps the "highest bidder" on the comic book series will have the smarts to bring him on board as well. But I'm getting ahead of myself

Back to the relevance of this property to 30 - 35 year olds. You know who isn't 30 - 35? Stephen Sommers! What is Mr. VAN HELSING doing on this project!?!** And more importantly, who is Kevin J. O'Connor going to play?** Hopefully, these questions will become clearer over the next year and a half.

In the meantime, I've started this thread as a huge fan of this particular franchise and as an invitation for fellow Joehead Mobians to come out of the closet (if, ya know, there's any of you in there).

And you'll notice that I've decided to plop this into Sci-Fi/Horror. This is because Hama's G.I. Joe has always been more than a little sci-fi and I have a sneaking suspicion that Sommers is going to run with that. If I understand correctly, he plans to set the film 10 years in the future so if that's true, I'm guessing that he would do that to give himself more license to go sci-fi.

There's also a Frankenstein story that popped up in the storyline around 1985 in which a character named Dr. Mindbender (no, really) raided the tombs of a motley collection of historical figures for DNA (no, really) to genetically engineer a superman who wears a fabulous snake cowl and a cape.

But surely Stephen Sommers wouldn't think to turn his G.I. Joe franchise into a Frankenstein story. ;)

If he does go that route (perish the thought), it would give him license to atone for past failures. Serpentor (as the Frankenstein/Rocky Horror/Antichrist character is called) has never been a fan favorite, but if Sommers puts someone like The Rock in the roll (The Rock Horror?) and loses that costume, he could actually give us the Scorpion King that he should have given us in the first place.


**I actually have theories on both of these points. As far as Sommers goes, I suspect that he took G.I. JOE because he was having a hard time getting anything else off the ground. Hasn't he had two stillborn remakes announced since VAN HELSING?

As far as O'Connor goes, I'd be stunned if he didn't turn up in this film. My theory is that Sommers will find a way to write him in as Dr. Mindbender. Now, I have no evidence to support this, but look. To do so would be to write his favorite character actor (and classic horror enthusiast) into what could be his biggest new franchise as a Dr. Frankenstein character.

But why would Stephen Sommers do a thing like that?

Dave Bohnert - February 1, 2008 04:28 PM (GMT)
Count me as a JOE fan and as someone who has little hope for the movie. I had hoped for years that a solid live action JOE movie would be produced, but between Sommers and the cast that's been announced so far, I can't think of worst moves by the studio. I actually wrote an outline and crude treatment for my own JOE film which I'm sure will look nothing like the Sommers final product.

Anyway, I am a fan and not afraid to admit it! I would really love for the movie to be exciting and bring me back to my childhood, but at this point I dunno....

William D'Annucci - February 1, 2008 05:39 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Tom Kessler @ Feb 1 2008, 10:23 AM)
It's a foregone conclusion that anyone ranging in age from 30 - 35 at least knows what I'm talking about. This would be the generation of kids who were exposed to Hasbro's early-mid '80s reinvention of the warlike alternative to Barbie. The soldier doll was replaced by much cooler sounding "action figure" and the name was appropriate.

...I've started this thread as a huge fan of this particular franchise and as an invitation for fellow Joehead Mobians to come out of the closet (if, ya know, there's any of you in there).

Just missed your age bracket by so much. I had the doll, with fuzzy lint-catching beard, camo clothes, eagle eye vision, and the legendary Kung-Fu Grip! Then the Star Wars action figures came out and I don't think I picked Joe up again.

When the movie comes out, you can declare "Stephen Sommers kung-fu gripped my childhood!!!" :D

Tom Kessler - February 1, 2008 07:04 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Dave Bohnert @ Feb 1 2008, 04:28 PM)
Count me as a JOE fan and as someone who has little hope for the movie.  I had hoped for years that a solid live action JOE movie would be produced, but between Sommers and the cast that's been announced so far, I can't think of worst moves by the studio. 

...

Anyway, I am a fan and not afraid to admit it!  I would really love for the movie to be exciting and bring me back to my childhood, but at this point I dunno....

Some of the casting isn't half bad. I love the idea of Dennis Quaid as General Hawk and as for Ray Park as Snake-Eyes? Hey, why not? That's the type of role that Park does rather well.

On the other hand, Sommers seems to be casting awfully young for a lot of other roles. Word around the campfire is that he wants Joseph Gordon-Levitt from BRICK as Cobra Commander. I have to confess that I wouldn't have thought to go there, but I'll just hope that Sommers knows what he's doing.

QUOTE
I actually wrote an outline and crude treatment for my own JOE film which I'm sure will look nothing like the Sommers final product. 


No doubt. I actually came up with my own treatment 12 years ago for a kind of hard-R spin-off involving a few of the key characters adjusting (or failing to adjust) to life after the Joe/COBRA war. I won't share that story here since it's original enough that I could change the character names and present it as an original story.

After that, however, I started to imagine what a direct, faithful adaptation of Hama's comic would be like and I'll be more than happy to share that. After all, my "idea" for that story is just a matter of distilling a few of Hama's best arcs into a "trilogy" (because every franchise has to be a trilogy, right?) so if Stephen Sommers wants to "steal" this idea, then by all means. I don't want credit. I just want to see it get made. Larry Hama already did all the heavy lifting.

DISCLAIMER: Non-fans can stop reading right now unless you're somehow perversely fascinated, because I'm about to go deep into G.I. Joe lore. There's also going to be *MAJOR SPOILERS* in the unlikely event that any of you ever plan to read the comics.

I also want to specify, lest there be any confusion, that this is merely my fan fiction style bit of wishful thinking and NOT AN INSIDE SCOOP LOOK AT SOMMERS' SCRIPT (which I hope is not yet finalized).



With that said:

Here's what I would do (NOTE: This indeed pasted and edited from another forum).

I would adapt this issue of the comic right here:

http://www.yojoe.com/comics/joe/joe53.shtml

Although it would obviously have to be rewritten (losing Serpentor and the B.A.T.S. in the process). Not only does the DIE HARD scenario practically gift wrap itself as a movie adaptation, it sets up one of the best arcs in the entire run of the comic.

Of course, as SPIDER-MAN and X-MEN have proven, it's difficult to cram several years of a serialized comic into three movies so we'd have to jump ahead a bit for the sequel.

The second movie would open with Cobra Commander and Destro (presumed dead at the end of the first one when The Pit explodes and collapses on their heads) escaping as they do in the comic and taking up shelter with a "sleeper" Crimson Guard mechanic known as Fred.

When Cobra Commander threatens to leave "the life" so that he can walk the earth and get to know his son, he is killed by Fred who then assumes his identity.

The second half of the sequel would be taken from this, my single favorite issue of the series:

http://www.yojoe.com/comics/joe/joe84.shtml



Yes, it's the Zartan/Snake-Eyes/Cobra Commander origin story.

Now, by jumping ahead like that, we lose the entire Cobra Civil War in which Serpentor and Fred/Fake Cobra Commander would divide COBRA right down the middle and turn Cobra Island into a war zone.

I just figure that if we're going to do G.I. Joe as a trilogy (and every major comic franchise seems obliged to do that), then the redemption and death of Cobra Commander as well as the origin story would be the perfect second chapter. Naturally, there would have to be some parallel story involving the actual Joe team, but the Cobra Commander arc would be the heart of the film.

I'd like to see The Cobra Civil War as a movie too, but it should probably be a spin-off seeing as G.I. Joe shouldn't be sidelined for their own damn movie (as if that wouldn't have already happened in the second film).

Since Serpentor is required for The Cobra Civil War to work, we could introduce him in the obligatory third chapter meltdown, G.I. JOE FOREVER: THE LAST STAND. That way he could be set established as a thoroughly hateful putz whom audiences would pay to see killed by Zartan in the Cobra Civil War.

And to address the question of whether or not the "Joe team" would be marginalized in their own franchise and why I would drop an audience of newcomers into the "assault on The Pit" storyline:

G.I. Joe may have widespread name recognition, but that's all it has. Even people who couldn't pick Optimus Prime or Megatron out of a line-up knew the TRANSFORMERS was going to be a high-concept movie about big robots who turned into vehicles and beat each other up. That was obviously enough to many, many millions of people to buy tickets.

Why exactly would anyone other than ourselves care about a G.I. Joe movie? I mean, seriously.

My point is that G.I.J.O.E. is going to have to be a damn good action thriller. The assault on The Pit would have given G.I.J.O.E. license to follow the original DIE HARD formula. It would essentially be DIE HARD in an inverted, underground high rise (which, uh, would be the exact opposite of a high rise, but you know what I mean). Essentially, it's The Hive from RESIDENT EVIL except that in the comic, The Pit always went straight down (I wonder if that would be tactically wise). As a claustrophobe, I can certainly say that the idea of COBRA driving our heroes further and further underground to the point where they are quite literally trapped miles underneath the earth is fairly tense.

As far as the team goes, one thing I love about the comic was the fact that (if I remember correctly), the Joes were incognito. The Pit was hidden on an actual military base (again, is this a tactically sound idea?) and the Joes were perceived by regular enlisted folks as gearheads from the motor pool.

Naturally, a film which borrows from that issue of the comic couldn't be faithful. Otherwise, there would have to be Serpentor and the B.A.T.S. (if I remember correctly). A movie version could have a little bit of fun setting up the morning of the assault with a select ensemble of Joes being introduced incognito. In other words, we could develop and play up the idea that the Joes are completely undercover when not in The Pit or on a mission. They're essentially "soldiers in disguise."

In my version of The Pit storyline, there would be a subplot or two going on outside of The Pit with the Joes doing their best to scramble while still remaining discreet about it. The punchline could be a scene in which COBRA attempts to take hostages in a room filled with Joes and regular enlisted folks. It would be fun to suddenly see most of the Joes who have been pretending not to be who they clearly are suddenly snap to life and pacify the enemy.

Joel Stein - February 1, 2008 07:05 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (William D'Annucci @ Feb 1 2008, 11:39 AM)
Just missed your age bracket by so much. I had the doll, with fuzzy lint-catching beard, camo clothes

Oh, yeah. A few trips to the bathtub, and his fuzzy hair would start to come off, making Joe look all mangy and even tougher. My buddy's sister was into Barbie; we used to raid Ken's clothes for civvies when Joe went undercover and needed to ditch the camouflage and wet suits.

Those little 80s Joes weren't real GI Joes. A real GI Joe is one that you can tie a rope around his neck, spin him over your head and smack him into a tree as hard as you can, and at worst his foot pops off and you can reattach it.

Tom Kessler - February 1, 2008 08:55 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Joel Stein @ Feb 1 2008, 07:05 PM)
Oh, yeah.  A few trips to the bathtub, and his fuzzy hair would start to come off, making Joe look all mangy and even tougher.  My buddy's sister was into Barbie; we used to raid Ken's clothes for civvies when Joe went undercover and needed to ditch the camouflage and wet suits.

Those little 80s Joes weren't real GI Joes.  A real GI Joe is one that you can tie a rope around his neck, spin him over your head and smack him into a tree as hard as you can, and at worst his foot pops off and you can reattach it.

I feel like I missed the opportunity to play G.I. Dress-up. As someone who never enlisted, I almost wonder if that wouldn't have been borderline disrespectful, but young men need outlets to work through their issues. Heck, that's what dolls, er, action figures are for!

And to be fair, there were several instances of characters dressing in drag throughout the mid-'80s cartoon series. In THE PYRAMID OF DARKNESS alone, Snake-Eyes and Cobra Commander both don women's clothing for the purpose of "disguise" while still wearing their face-concealing masks. Nope, no subtext there. I almost wonder if The Wachowskis would have found G.I. JOE to be more their speed than SPEED RACER.

Back to the toys, I opened up a box of my old figures last night to take a trip down memory lane. For those who remember, the midsection of the 1980's toy line involved a kind of ball-&-socket fit held together by a rubber band.

Who here can guess what happens to a rubber band over the course of 25 years?

Joel Stein - February 1, 2008 08:58 PM (GMT)
Um, you did catch that Joe borrowed Ken's clothes, not Barbie's, right?

Tom Kessler - February 1, 2008 09:42 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Joel Stein @ Feb 1 2008, 08:58 PM)
Um, you did catch that Joe borrowed Ken's clothes, not Barbie's, right?

Oh, I caught that. I'm just saying that once you start playing dress-up,...

....how do you stop? ;)

In all fairness, I now have an idea for a "campy" G.I. JOE movie (not that Stephen Sommers would stoop to covering for a lack of excitement with camp) in which a few desperate Joes need to change into civies on the fly and end up ensnaring a vapid L.A. dude named Ken who is just trying to make a date with his girlfriend, Barb'.

Shenanigans ensue.

Joel Stein - February 1, 2008 11:29 PM (GMT)

John W McKelvey - February 2, 2008 12:25 PM (GMT)
It's interesting you guys seem to be such Joe comic book loyalists. I'm working with fuzzy childhood memories here, but as I recall, Marvel took some serious liberties with the characters established by the toys write-ups and later the cartoons (which took some liberties as well)... I kinda remember thinking as a kid that the comics had it all wrong (of course, the toys introduced William Perry and Sgt. Slaughter the pro wrestler, so it's not like they were tampering with genius).

Anyway, regardless, I was a GI Joe fan as a kid for sure (I couldn't afford all the vehicles and bases, but I had all the actual figures), but I think you'd have to drag me heels-first to see this movie. I just don't see how it stands a chance of being anything near good.

William S. Wilson - February 2, 2008 03:21 PM (GMT)
I was a huge fan of the G.I. Joe toy series from the 80s. But everything I hear about this movie makes me cringe. The team is a group of global freedom fighters as they feel a pro-American slant wouldn't sell overseas (with the name standing for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity). Guess what? It is based on a freakin' toy! Also, I hear that Cobra is not involved and that Destro will be a Scottish arms dealer? Say goodbye to his silver face. Finally, two words - Marlon Wayans. Ouch!

Now if you want to get really obscure, bring on the M.A.S.K. movie!


Dave Bohnert - February 2, 2008 04:21 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (William S. Wilson @ Feb 2 2008, 09:21 AM)
Destro will be a Scottish arms dealer?

Now if you want to get really obscure, bring on the M.A.S.K. movie!

Destro was a Scottish arms dealer in the comics, so that's at least based in some kind of truth. I don't think the cartoon went into much if any of the back stories on the characters.

And sign me up for a M.A.S.K. movie, that would be sweet!

JEFFREY ALLEN RYDELL - February 2, 2008 04:49 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (William S. Wilson @ Feb 2 2008, 10:21 AM)
Say goodbye to his silver face.

Awesome band name!

Tom Kessler - February 2, 2008 05:22 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (John W McKelvey @ Feb 2 2008, 12:25 PM)
It's interesting you guys seem to be such Joe comic book loyalists.  I'm working with fuzzy childhood memories here, but as I recall, Marvel took some serious liberties with the characters established by the toys write-ups and later the cartoons (which took some liberties as well)... I kinda remember thinking as a kid that the comics had it all wrong (of course, the toys introduced William Perry and Sgt. Slaughter the pro wrestler, so it's not like they were tampering with genius).


There are a couple of factors here. First and foremost, the comic was largely written by Larry Hama who had the chief role in developing these characters, even down to writing the "file cards" that came with the toys. This is why the comic is seen to be canon by many of us. Secondly, I would say that it's the cartoon which took the most liberties with Hama's established characters.

EDIT: I again refer you to Hama's Wikipedia page. Scroll down to the section on G.I. Joe for a better idea of his role in the comics and the characters.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Hama

If you go by the cartoon, then COBRA is governed by the secret hand of a prehistoric race of humanoids whose technology is based on the a biomechanical manipulation of plants and insects in a way that David Cronenberg might approve of. According to their toy write-ups, even their clothing consists of living organisms, usually crustacean. Oh, my! To say that Hama's comic is a little more grounded would be to understate the matter. True, there was a period in which the cartoon's popularity was peaking and the comic tried to play nice by introducing Serpentor and actually having all the Joes shout the cartoon's catchphrase, "Yo Joe!"

But that was short lived.

The most important factor in the loyalty to the comic was that despite being uneven over the years, it was ultimately a pretty good story. Between issue 50 and 100, it had a really good run. There was also a very good spin-off series called "G.I. Joe: Special Missions" which largely specialized in, well, the type of special forces work that a unit like G.I. Joe would be needed to carry out. "Special Missions" was mostly (although not always) a series of one-shot stories and if I remember correctly, it was far more intense than the main series.

If you have a memory of the comic getting it wrong, that's possibly because you were more familiar with the cartoon. Is that correct? I remember having a similar response when I first picked up the comic. I came into it around the time when Ripcord was the man and he had to engage in a fair amount of desperate, risky behavior to save his girlfriend. There was a fair amount of heroism on Ripcord's part, but it was largely for naught since his girlfriend ended up being killed off anyway. It was around this time that Cobra Commander's son, Billy was introduced. Billy was presumed killed with Ripcord's better half, but you can't keep a good character down. He returned slightly maimed, but ready to learn the ways of the ninja.

Now, to be fair, all of this seriousness with characters desperate to save other characters who ended up being killed anyway was a shock to the system of a kid like me. It was eventually a compelling and addictive read, but as a 10-year-old who was initially engrossed by the toys and the cartoon, I didn't know what to make of it. And given that the cartoon and toyline had the Joes in a nice, big open air base, I wasn't quite sure I understood what The Pit was all about and how it tied into "the motor pool." It didn't click until later that the Joes kept their true nature a secret from the casual enlisted folks who weren't cleared to know who and what they were.

I'd also like to mention at this point that I'm largely going on memory for all this so if I'm getting details wrong, someone can please feel free to correct me. I'm trying to get all of my comics back from my father who lives out of state (and who may or may not still have them), but it's taking some time.

Anyway, it's really the cartoon that got it all wrong. Although to be fair, it usually got it wrong in some fairly intriguing ways. It wasn't until the series crashed and burned with G.I. JOE: THE MOVIE in 1987 that things got really weird with the aforementioned race of prehistoric, biomechanical reptile fetishists. In fact, I recently rewatched that and was stunned to see that their leader (voice by Burgess Meredith!!) had a biomechanical eyepatch that's clearly an anus. There's even a shot in which it dilates and contracts. Again, there's some serious Cronenberg-like weirdness going on there.

But don't take my word for it. Check it out for yourself if you haven't seen it already.



QUOTE
Also, I hear that Cobra is not involved and that Destro will be a Scottish arms dealer? Say goodbye to his silver face.


No, the silver face is in there, but I'm not sure in what capacity. I've been privvy to another recent script review and that script begins with a prologue in which one of Destro's ancestors is arrested and imprisoned for selling arms to "both sides." His punishment is that he is forced to wear a silver mask for the rest of his days. A little nod to "The Man in the Iron Mask" there.





QUOTE
Finally, two words - Marlon Wayans. Ouch!



Isn't he that guy from REQUIEM FOR A DREAM?

That guy can really act (when he wants to).
;)



QUOTE
Destro was a Scottish arms dealer in the comics, so that's at least based in some kind of truth. I don't think the cartoon went into much if any of the back stories on the characters.


The cartoon actually had not one but two episodes that dealt with Destro's heritage. The first one involved Lady Jaye going back to her ancestral home in Scotland and discovering a cult in the basement worshipping (and feeding?) a kind of Lovecraftian horror. Yes, the writers of the cartoon decided to cast Lady Jaye in an after school cartoon version of LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM! At the end of this episode, Lady Jaye and Destro learn to their mutual surprise (and distaste) that they are related to one another.

In the next season, the Cthulu thing made its escape from the castle and the Joes enlist Destro to help them deal with it. I always liked the fact that Destro was intelligent and pragmatic first and evil second.

QUOTE
And sign me up for a M.A.S.K. movie, that would be sweet!


If G.I. JOE actually works, we could find ourselves waist-deep in live action adaptations of old-school cartoons and toylines. TRANSFORMERS has already paved the way for better or worse.

Marty McKee - February 2, 2008 06:03 PM (GMT)
I was born in 1967, so, just like with the Transformers movie, I have little interest in anything G.I. Joe. Though I wouldn't mind seeing a decent action/war movie, the idea of spending anytime watching toy robots fighting each other begins and ends with ROBOT JOX.

However, if Hollywood is interested in an Isis movie (please cast Kate Beckinsale) or the return of Ark II (with Matthew McConaughey, Maggie Q and Lou Scheimer reprising his role as the voice of the monkey), I'm all for it.

William S. Wilson - February 2, 2008 06:10 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Tom Kessler @ Feb 2 2008, 11:22 AM)

Isn't he that guy from REQUIEM FOR A DREAM? 

That guy can really act (when he wants to).
;)

Believe it or not, that exact same response came up on another forum I visit when I expressed dismay at Wayans casting. A REQUIEM performance is a good pipe dream, but all I can see him as in this big budget action flick is the guy who has snappy lines after something big explodes. I don't think they will be going for drama. And I offer the rest of his filmography to the court as evidence to the contrary of REQUIEM. :)

QUOTE
However, if Hollywood is interested in an Isis movie (please cast Kate Beckinsale) or the return of Ark II (with Matthew McConaughey, Maggie Q and Lou Scheimer reprising his role as the voice of the monkey), I'm all for it.

What are these things you speak of old man?

Michael Wells - February 2, 2008 07:08 PM (GMT)
QUOTE
COBRA is governed by the secret hand of a prehistoric race of humanoids whose technology is based on the a biomechanical manipulation of plants and insects

QUOTE
their leader (voice by Burgess Meredith!!) had a biomechanical eyepatch that's clearly an anus.

QUOTE
the writers of the cartoon decided to cast Lady Jaye in an after school cartoon version of LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM! At the end of this episode, Lady Jaye and Destro learn to their mutual surprise (and distaste) that they are related to one another.

Wait, the what and the what now? And the... the thing, the... huh???

I watched the JOE cartoon a fair amount at that time, although I was edging into the age when I was a tad old to take it seriously (early teens). But I don't remember any of this crazy stuff! This almost makes me want to go back and watch some of it (would be a nice nostalgia trip, too). Is this trippy stuff out on DVD?

On a related note, I'm sure some folks here must have seen the surreal FenslerFilm parody dubs of the safety lesson clips they started to air at the end of each episode, when criticism of the show's violent content was mounting and they wanted to claim "educational" credentials (heh) for the series. Not for all tastes, I'm sure, but I find a lot of them screamingly funny. I had no idea the actual series could sometimes get almost as bizarre as these parodies.

"Porkchop sandwiches!"


Dave Bohnert - February 2, 2008 07:30 PM (GMT)
G.I. JOE: THE MOVIE and the introduction of Cobra-La is where things really went wrong for me. Although, back in the day I thought the movie was pretty cool. Looking back on it now it's clearly where the Joe's jumped the shark.

I grew up watching the cartoon and collecting the action figures, but it wasn't until much later I got into the comics. I'm in no way a comic geek, but the back stories and depth that the series has really made me a fan again. I would much rather like to think that Cobra was created by corrupt business men then evil humanoid-bug-zombies or whatever.

Tom was right, it's getting pretty geeky in here!

Tom Kessler - February 2, 2008 08:46 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Michael Wells @ Feb 2 2008, 07:08 PM)


Wait, the what and the what now? And the... the thing, the... huh???

I watched the JOE cartoon a fair amount at that time, although I was edging into the age when I was a tad old to take it seriously (early teens). But I don't remember any of this crazy stuff! This almost makes me want to go back and watch some of it (would be a nice nostalgia trip, too). Is this trippy stuff out on DVD?

The trippy stuff was available 6 - 8 years ago from Rhino. It was a pretty nice presentation too. Unfortunately, much like the action figures themselves, these dvds were not available for very long. I still have Season 1, Volume 1, but I sold off my copy of THE MOVIE. At the time, it was readily available for $10 - $15 and I foolishly thought that it would be around indefinitely.

It now goes for ridiculous prices on eBay, but why pay up when you can just click on over to YouTube? B)

G.I. JOE: THE MOVIE (part 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tByeOopVyrs

But let's be honest here. You want to get right to the "trippy stuff." Okay.

(part 4)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r47YZA5B3r8

If you want to get right to some freaky weird animation, go right to 4:22. To get onto Cobra-La's origin story, go to 9:07.

Since it cuts off midway, you'll need to continue on with:

(part 5)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5r9a3nzACU

Golobulus (Burgess Meredith) reveals his ultimate plan for world domination around 1:09. It's so bizarre that if I were to describe it, you'd think I was making it up.

Oh, and the anus eyeball gets a close-up at 2:19.

I will say this about part 5. While it has highlights, I dare you not to stare at the whole damn thing. This is one weird cartoon. Well, to be fair, if it were anime it would seem par for the course. But it's, ya know, G.I. JOE.

As far as the episodes featuring Lady Jaye and Destro versus the Scottish Cthulu? I can't find it online, but the episodes are called:

"Skeleton in the Closet"
http://www.joeheadquarters.com/eps1x.shtml

The summary is fourth from the bottom. But forget that episode. Get a load of "The Gods Below" and "Excalibur." "The Gods Below" is actually far more bizarre than G.I. JOE: THE MOVIE. It was so weird and rerun so seldom that I actually thought that I had dreamt it.

The synopsis, courtesy of http://www.joeheadquarters.com is as follows:

"The Gods Below
Written by Gordon Kent

"The lost tomb of Osiris, an Egyptian god is discovered by an archeologist, Dr. Marsh. Cobra kidnaps him and forces him to lead them to the treasure inside. However, when the archeologist turns up missing, the Joes are sent in. Cobra tricks them into going into the tomb first and setting off all the traps. The Joes are able to escape the tomb, disguised as Cobra soldiers, but that plans ends up backfiring when Cobra Commander forces them to lead him to the treasure the Joes supposedly found. Cobra finds the "treasure" and meets up with the evil Egyptian god Set while the Joes are transported to the Realm of the Dead where they face a trial to weigh their hearts. The Joes are judged worthy to enter when they sacrifice themselves to save their friends when attacked by the other Egyptian gods. Meanwhile CC convinces Set to give him the treasure of Osiris. However, when he brings it to the surface a huge storm is unleashed and Set will take over the world. While being transported to the Realm of the Dead, the Joes convince the Anubis to take them back to the Realm of the Living to stop Cobra. He does and the Joes stop CC and Set."

And then in Season 2 was the follow-up to "Skeleton in the Closet" called:

"Sins of Our Fathers"
http://www.joeheadquarters.com/eps2x.shtml
The synopsis is the second from the bottom.


This episode has a nice little easter egg. Get a load of this:

http://www.yojoe.com/television/dmessage.shtml

It's hard to argue with Destro's logic there, but here we are.

:P

John W McKelvey - February 2, 2008 11:58 PM (GMT)
Yeah, but the cartoon and the toys/ file cards seemed to stay closer. I'm also working from vague childhood memories, so maybe I'm getting things all wrong... but even the original characters basic designs seemed to change when they jumped to the comic. Only one or two were different in the cartoon... and even those different designs (i.e. the different Cobra Commanders) found their way into the toyline.
Even those insect guys were also in the toys (I remember a three-pack of the snake-man leader, a guy with wings, and a lobster-like guy).

It's fun to imagine a crazy, Fantastic Planet-y way a GI Joe movie could go - deep into the weirdness of the insect people, Serpentor, Destro's worm etc - that could make the project really compelling... too bad they'd ever go there.

Michael Wells - February 3, 2008 12:37 AM (GMT)
Tom - That post might be the single most concentrated dose of awesomeness I've seen around here in a while. Thanks!

QUOTE
if it were anime it would seem par for the course

"It's funny 'cuz it's true." But this was a kid-oriented after-school American cartoon of the late '80s, so it's a whole different ballgame. I'm amazed this stuff got past the suits.

Tom Kessler - March 31, 2008 12:16 AM (GMT)
Since this isn't verified or official, I'll refrain from an "I told ya so!"

But still, it's such a ridiculously obvious course of action for Stephen Sommers, that I would have been more shocked if he DIDN'T do it.

http://movies.ign.com/articles/862/862126p1.html

Bob Cashill - March 31, 2008 01:25 AM (GMT)
I had an old-school G.I. Joe, a real bad-ass that you youngins would call an "action figure" when they were still called, er, "dolls." Alas, I tossed him up into a tree. When we got him down, a few months (maybe a year) later, he fell apart in my hand; Joe was held together by shoelaces, it looked like.

I think I moved onto to my pogo stick after that. Did that for hours, or so it seemed. I'm sure the neighbors loved the sound reverberating through our neighborhood.

As far as the boxoffice prospects are concerned, I have four words for you: ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. If that relic could gross $10 kajillion, there's nothing stoppin' Joe.

Dave Bohnert - May 10, 2008 04:36 AM (GMT)
more character images released recently, for those that haven't seem them.

Duke
user posted image

Hawk
user posted image

Destro
user posted image

Baroness
user posted image

Storm Shadow
user posted image

Breaker
user posted image

Ripcord
user posted image

Heavy Duty
user posted image

Tom Kessler - January 31, 2009 10:43 PM (GMT)
Here we go:

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=52443

Thank goodness for Dennis Quaid!

Michael Wells - February 1, 2009 01:14 AM (GMT)
Well, that looks like edited-to-ribbons, CGI-fest crap, now, doesn't it? Quel surprise.

Seriously, is life really long enough that actors like Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt want to waste precious months working on something like this? I hope they were paid well, at least.

William S. Wilson - February 1, 2009 07:51 AM (GMT)
Wow, that looks awful. I'm sure it will make tons of money.

Tom Kessler - February 1, 2009 08:55 PM (GMT)
I will agree that the commercial is hyper edited, but beyond that? I think it's safe to say that I have a cautiously dissenting opinion.

It's hard to tell how the movie will be edited or will even play from that trailer, but the CG looks fine especially given that Sommers has a history of using it with complete abandon and without a lot of evident concern for how good it looks.

Quaid and Eccleston both seem to enjoy chewing on the scenery.

The hyper action sequences with Joes evading gunfire and heavy artillery by doing crazy, superhuman gymnastics comes right from the cartoon. Even though I prefer the comics, I'm sure I'm not alone in having a kind of nostalgic affection for how hyper the cheaply animated actions scenes could get.

Sommers blew his short-lived cache with VAN HELSING. That was his last film and it was 5 years ago. He has something to prove so I'm not surprised that he's latched onto the military thriller/global terror comic/sci-fi action elements of this property to make the ultimate career reboot demo reel.

What that commercial shows is that he largely made the movie I (and a lot of others) expected him to make, but I sense a newfound sense of slickness that was missing from his CG monster mashes and a wee bit of earnestness to go with the soullessness of his technique.

Plus, Quaid and Eccleston seem genuinely cool. I have no doubt that Eccleston was self-consciously slumming, but he does it rather well and Quaid seems like he's actually cozy in the role of General Hawk. I know that additional shooting beefed up his slim role, so here's hoping that this one does well enough to warrant a sequel with Quaid as the central character.[B][U]

Bob Cashill - February 2, 2009 01:54 AM (GMT)
In the script I read, flying pygmy monster babies attack G.I. JOE. Sommers insists on one of those scenes in all his movies, which is why he was turned down for JUNO, THE READER, and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, among others. :)

Terry Barhorst, Jr. - February 2, 2009 02:21 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (Bob Cashill @ Feb 1 2009, 07:54 PM)
In the script I read, flying pygmy monster babies attack G.I. JOE. Sommers insists on one of those scenes in all his movies, which is why he was turned down for JUNO, THE READER, and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, among others. :)

Wow! He's a fan of SARS WARS too.

Tom Kessler - June 1, 2009 05:52 PM (GMT)
Wow. G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA really does look awful!

http://www.collider.com/2009/05/31/mtv-mov...tter-and-gi-joe

Oh, Stephen Sommers.

I've given up hope that this will be a good movie, but I hold out hope that it will be delicious trash. It looks like Sommers was trying to see if he could out-Wachowski the Wachowskis, but it looks as if he went too far in the wrong direction. Judging from this clip, I'd say that Timur Bekmambetov did it better in WANTED.

Imagine if Bekmambetov had done G.I. JOE. I have my qualms about a forty-something Hollywood director with no personal stake in the characters handling this property, but a forty-something Russian director who grew up in The Soviet Union directing a movie based on a Cold War era American toyline? That I would've loved to have seen!

Bob Gutowski - June 1, 2009 08:18 PM (GMT)
Stephen Sondheim's G.I. JOE???

I'm feeling a little jet-laggy.

Brian Camp - June 1, 2009 08:41 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Tom Kessler @ Jun 1 2009, 11:52 AM)
Wow. G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA really does look awful!

http://www.collider.com/2009/05/31/mtv-mov...tter-and-gi-joe

Oh, Stephen Sommers.

I've given up hope that this will be a good movie, but I hold out hope that it will be delicious trash. It looks like Sommers was trying to see if he could out-Wachowski the Wachowskis, but it looks as if he went too far in the wrong direction. Judging from this clip, I'd say that Timur Bekmambetov did it better in WANTED.

Imagine if Bekmambetov had done G.I. JOE. I have my qualms about a forty-something Hollywood director with no personal stake in the characters handling this property, but a forty-something Russian director who grew up in The Soviet Union directing a movie based on a Cold War era American toyline? That I would've loved to have seen!

If they'd replaced Dennis Quaid and his whole GI Joe team with Jason Statham as Chev Chelios and shot this same film with the exact budget they'd given CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE, and put Bai Ling in there somewhere as well, I would soooo want to see this movie.

(Movies like this should not have anywhere near a decent budget--it kind of defeats the purpose. Can you imagine how awful THE GREEN SLIME would be if MGM had decided to give it the same budget and resources that it gave to 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY? You just don't do stuff like that.)


William D'Annucci - June 1, 2009 09:48 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Bob Gutowski @ Jun 1 2009, 03:18 PM)
Stephen Sondheim's G.I. JOE???

I'm feeling a little jet-laggy.

It's okay, Bob. I first read the thread title "Dog Soldiers on Blu-Ray" as "Dog Soldiers on Broadway", wondering if some musical producers had lost their damn fool minds. And I hadn't flown anywhere. :rolleyes:

Tom Kessler - June 11, 2009 08:06 PM (GMT)

Tom Kessler - July 31, 2009 06:55 PM (GMT)
It's almost time. Would anyone like to say a few words?

I've gone from dubious to dubiously hopeful to hopeful to despairing back to cautiously optimistic again. The anticipation for this movie has probably been more of a roller coaster ride than the movie itself will be.

I have to say that the handful of reviews on RottenTomatoes are encouraging.

Yo Joe?

Tom Kessler - August 3, 2009 07:15 PM (GMT)

Marty McKee - August 3, 2009 08:39 PM (GMT)
When even the actors who appear in it (Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller) badmouth it, I can't imagine that bodes well for the film's quality.

Doran Gaston - August 5, 2009 07:15 PM (GMT)
G.I Joe deemed too good to screen for critics

http://www.avclub.com/articles/gi-joe-deem...-critics,31255/

QUOTE
The article quotes Rob Moore, vice chairman of Paramount Pictures as arguing self-servingly, "G.I. Joe' is a big, fun, summer event movie - one that we've seen audiences enjoy everywhere from Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland to Phoenix, Ariz. After the chasm we experienced with `Transformers 2' between the response of audiences and critics, we chose to forgo opening-day print and broadcast reviews as a strategy to promote `G.I. Joe.' We want audiences to define this film."

That’s a PR way of saying, “Critics didn’t like Transformers 2 but we made a fuck-ton of money off it so fuck you, critics; enjoy your sad little efficiencies and non-existent job security while we snort Bolivian Marching Powder off pert 19 year olds and party in the Bahamas”.

Dave Bohnert - August 10, 2009 06:13 AM (GMT)
Well, I'll admit to seeing this on opening day. GI Joe is about the only thing I get all "fanboy" about; grew up on the cartoon, had all the toys, later got into the Marvel series. All in all, I did enjoy the film, actually a lot more than I thought I would. I think I would've liked it a lot more if Marvel's name was in the credits instead of Hasbro, but it is what it is.


more detail and SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






- I didn't like how the character interactions seemed to change for no real purpose. Ripcord and Scarlett? I don't think so, it's always been Snake Eyes and Scarlett, with a later love triangle involving Duke.

- Going along with that, Snake Eyes never took a vow of silence, he lost his voice cords while saving Scarlett. I guess the vow of silence adds something to the whole Hard Master murder plot line, but even that was a little screwed up.

- I loved the Baroness, until the end. I know a lot of the Cobra guys were involved with brainwashing, but the Baroness was just about the only one who was always at Cobra Commanders side. So she's only bad because of these nano thingys? I don't like that.

- Its almost like the writers got just enough info to write the script but then they changed all this stuff just to "update" it. I liked that they kept a lot of things like M.A.R.S. and the Destro backstory, but with zero details it was more like throwing bones at the fans.

- Those accelerator suits were pretty terrible. And the CGI of the suits was by far the worst part of the Paris sequence, which in itself was pretty cool.

- I didn't hate Cobra Commander as much as I thought I would. But again, calling him Rex, a bone thrown to the comic fans...but for what reason other than to have it there? The suit was alright, but the voice sounded a little more like Destro than the Commander.

- I thought they made the Commander and Dr. Mindbender one character, so I really liked when Mindbender showed up in the flashback.

- And Storm Shadow can't really be dead right? I mean, he's one of the central and most interesting, most conflicted characters in the whole series.

- Lips on the Snake Eyes suit? Umm...no, thank you.





END SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I could go on, but I feel like enough of a nerd for one night. I did have fun with the movie and I guess that's all that really matters. I hope a sequel gets made just to see where they might take it and how they might deal with the loose ends. It was really uneven the more I think about it, but it was still a decent summer action flick.




* Hosted for free by zIFBoards