Packs of raccoons attacking community, hippie official saying to accept that

http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.../17/523357.html

They had a pack of raccoons pinning down and trying to rip apart a Dalmatian. They've attacked people and pets in that neighborhood.

If you are nice to raccoons, even in a community where most people own pet dogs and the raccoons keep attacking them, then it'll somehow make you nicer to women, babies, and old people. Uh huh.

Apparently the hippie retard in charge of the local agency which is suppose to deal with the problem, is too busy smoking pot with his tree hugging friends, to deal with reality.

A Dalmatian, by the way, is larger than infants or small children. And these hordes of raccoons don't have any problems attacking one even with adult humans around. Think about that for a moment.

Don't fight crime, just tell the victims they were "asking for it". Everyone should automatically have the money lying around to fortify their homes against anything that could possibly harm them, and then never go outside for any reason.

They should hire you due to your experiences with racoons.

Yes, my epic battle with the giant raccoon has surely prepared me for anything. Once you stare down the devil himself, there is no stopping you in this world.

Of course, even the greatest dragonslayer with the most powerful of magical blades, would be helpless against many smaller dragons attacking from all sides. I just couldn't take them all down before they swarmed me.

"Prepare to die dragon! For I, Sir Thomas, famed slayer of dragons and giant raccoons, have come to destroy you."
"Fool! There are 16 of us and only one of you."
"My sword is so powerful, it can kill with just one touch. Now prepare to meet your end!"
"What if all of us attack at once? You can't possibly be fast enough to stop us all."
"Uh.... well.... I'd take out some of you. Perhaps just let me leave, and none of you will die. You aren't the dragon I was looking for either."
"Oh? What if we just breath fire on you? Then you wouldn't be close enough to take any of us out."
"Dragons can't really breath fire."
They'd breath fire on him, and have themselves a roasted human for lunch. Unfortunately, he died near the entrance, and they couldn't get out without stepping on his magic sword, it killing anyone that touched it... or so he said. They'd dare each other to try it.

"Come on, touch it. He was probably just bluffing."
"You don't crawl all the way up the side of a mountain, and walk on in to a dragon's den, talking big, and yelling like that, if you don't have something to back it up. I ain't going near that thing."

I'd be more than willing to provide cover fire. After all, that's what assault rifles are for, to take on modern super creatures.

Actually, this would make a really good game. I now have the official first mod for Modern Warfare. You heard it here first folks.

I can see it now, me and a dozen team-mates in co-op patrolling delta base. All of a sudden Billy Bob is ambushed by three racoons. Me and N00beH126 turn and open fire. The racoons scurry off but not before we land a perfect headshot on one. We yell "MEDIC!" and PengU runs over to revive Billy Bob.

As Billy Bob is getting up the racoons send a second wave with a volley of banana peels and old AOL discs. We four take cover behind a Geo Metro and return fire, not knowing what has happened to able and bravo teams, but, to no avail. We fall back to the second floor of a house and block the stairs. As they begin their ascent we push an old armoire over the edge and crush a half dozen or so of them. But it's not enough, they continue their assualt with airborne divisions landing on the roof and flanking us, there's just too many...

How bout we have the rest of the community fill in the story using themselves.

This post has been edited by vicious1988(AKA. UT) on Nov 18 2006, 01:05 PM

I had thought about a game last night, but decide it'd be boring with just raccoons swarming over you, with the occassionally whinny hippie politically correct activist trying to stop your bullets, and you having to kill or avoid them.

"Red tape! I got plenty of red tape," says the fool, running around an area with a string of red tape, the red line forming a solid wall which stops your bullets, but which the raccoons can easily pass under with ease. So you'd have to make sure to kill the crazed Californian bureaucrat.

But it'd be over too quickly with just two enemies to fight.

Perhaps it'd be revealed that an evil house cat was involved, training the raccoons to attack dogs.

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Perhaps it could work. Your idea of the raccoons throwing stuff at you, perhaps garbage they dug out of unsealed garbage cans, would make things interesting.

Get a broomstick to gain bonus damage against the giant raccoon overlord perhaps.