Ways to Twist Twilight, Serious or Silly

I was reading through the Edward Cullen thread and came upon this:

And it got me thinking, hey, the unfertilized egg is only half of Nessie! What if Jacob had a bisexual attraction to both Bella and Edward, and they only decided to combine their DNA and form Jacob's Designated Love Interest to shut him up?

On the topic of Nessie, I hope deeply for a twist in a future book where he tries to proposition her and she murders him violently. Then she will become the villain of the book because everyone will be all "ZOMG JOO KILLED JACUB," instantly forgetting that he was a creepy pedophile in the first place.

Please tell me that's not a serious Meyer response. If it is, that's a really bizarre fetish you've got going there, Jacob.

A Bella-Edward-Jacob bisexual love triangle would add far more conflict to the book than it currently has. Sadly, I don't think our society here in the States (or probably anywhere) has come far enough for this sort of relationship in "popular" fiction.

Hey....wait a minute. What if we take this idea and extend it to Edward. I mean, he's only attracted to Bella due to her scent, right? So, like, what if Jacob wanted to get close to Bella so that he could somehow acquire a large quantity of Bella-scent© pheromone from her, then use that to win Edward's affection?

God, this sounds like horrible slash fiction. Sadly, I'm sure there's worse out there.

This is the strangest post I've ever made...

This post has been edited by TheLurker on Feb 16 2009, 02:49 PM

It may be the strangest, but it also makes more sense than Twilight.

A way to twist Twilight would also be to change the prose from 'Over-Descriptive Low-Key Haerlequin Romance Novel' to 'Adventure-Romance In High School'. It would almost immediately change everything. The vamp stalking Bella in the first book, the dealing-with of Jacob and his pack in the second book, the Loch-Ness Monster problem in the third book... So many options...

Gotta change the dialogue, too, though. Seriously- 'This is the skin of a KILLER' is not actually that scary. Especially when it's just slimy-sweaty looking, anyway.

Maybe... 'Back away, Bella.' in a dark tone with him scarily backing into a patch of sunlight and SUN-BRIGHT-BLINDING-GLARE-OF-DOMSERS!!

But with a lot of emphasis on him walking towards the sunny patch of light and how his eyes seem to grow dark and twisted and otherwise just a lot of scary tension build-up, so the disco-fever is both anticlimactic and hilarious.

Yes, one prefferable rewrite to a single scene, but it was just so... un-scary.

How about twisting what little action scenes they are so they're actually interesting?

EXAMPLE: Final scene in Twilight, Edward goes insane and feral, beating the stuffing out of James and then brutally murdering him. It fulfills our action quota and our obstacles-to-their-relationship because she could be scared of him for the next two minutes or something.

Or even better, what if he lost all his senses and starting chasing her, then she fell down the stairs and broke her arm that way?

How about Meyer re-doing Twilight from Bella's POV in Midnight Sun, but changing it a lot. Instead of having Bella and Edward end up together. Maybe have Edward a bigger, abusive jerk then he is, and cause Bella to be so mad by the abusive actions that she tries to leave him.

This causes Edward to go insane, having him chase her and kill her in the end, showing a much more dark, and dangerous side of Edward!

This post has been edited by The Orignal on Feb 16 2009, 06:58 PM

Well, all the sudden I realized why Original has that siggie.

I think that maybe rewriting the action plots to have Edward be more frightening to Bella would be better. Especially if they were more... 'Edward feels guilty that Bella's bieng chased by a vampire, Bella's scared shite-less of all the vampires, then they slowly grow on each other' instead of 'Bella wanting him the entirety of the series and then them finally getting together mid-book 1.'

While reading Twilight I found myself wishing that chess club Eric were the vampire instead of pretty-boy Edward. It would be so much more interesting, to me at least, to see how an acne-faced overenthusiastic nerd goes about seducing/impressing his victim. I am assuming he would have all of Edward's strength and speed and smarminess, just not his good looks. At least it would annoy Bella.

I actually don't know why I made my siggie that way. It was just for random, and I thought it would look cool when I saw the quote on a Myspace bullitin from a friend.

PS. I'm sorry that I got off-topic. Another new twist would be if Jacob was actually the vampire, but was still given the normal, 2nd character role that he had in the first book, and Edward as the wearwolf.

This post has been edited by The Orignal on Feb 17 2009, 02:37 PM

I made the mistake of ranting to my older brother about Meyer's shiny-supermodel excuses for vampires, and mentioned that one of the perks of being an undead immortal in the Twilight series is that you get to drive a mega-fast luxury sports car. Now he's considering watching the movie just for the cars. *headdesk*

But while I'm not interested in cars myself, I think I'd have found Twilight a lot less annoying to read if it had put more focus on the manly stuff - the cars, the hunting trips and all. Maybe there could've been a fast car chase scene or two thrown in. It wouldn't improve the quality of the story a jot, but it would have given it some welcome flavour and diversity. It would also win Meyer a wider fanbase, giving boys a reason to be interested in Twilight other than for the sake of their girlfriends. (I can't think of any other reason Average Joe would think of picking it up.) Sure, Meyer's got a large enough fan following as is, but still.

There is no reason for guys to pick it up for it's own sake. If many girls cant identify/sympathise with Bella, than a boy has no chance. Edwards "perfect god like hawtness" fails on guys. So what's left? Nothing.

At least most male entertainment has something for women. Its actually a shame its not often the case other way around.

Maybe its because culturally its acceptable for women to like just about anything regardless of target demographic, and men mostly cant be seen to like girly things.

The twist? that Edward did everything to Bella for nothing more than a bet. Once he wins he just ditches her. Bella goes insane. The end.

This post has been edited by The Black Manga on Nov 2 2009, 11:10 AM

My twist:

We get to the end of the series, the perfect wedding, tEdward chewing open Bella's stomach, all that perfect ending sparkly stuff...and then at the very end where Bella talks about having her pefect ending, the book suddenly switches to another viewpoint. Where Bella's father is standing in a mental asylum, and Bella is sitting in a padded room with a strait-jacket, staring blankly into face. Turns out that when Edward left her in New Moon and Bella was oh-so-depressed, her inability to survive without a man in her life made her snap. The rest of the books has been Bella's delusions, all inside her head and not real.

We find out that Edward never left Italy, once having left Bella he realizes that he didn't need a clingy clumsy doormat. And in fact enjoys doing something other then pretending to be the eternal high school teenager. He tours Europe, and starts to become less of a dick.

Alright. So.

My Twilight twist would happen about midway through the book, where Bella admits to Edward that she knows he's a vampire. After the whole meadow scene, Bella returns home, shaken and upset that it's true--the hottest boy in school is a vampire!

Her obsession with his hotness cannot overpower the fear she has for herself, her newfound friends, and her family. Vegetarian glampire or not, Bella sees Eddie as a threat, and takes it upon herself to take out the undead Cullens to make Forks a safer place for all! (Hey. I never said I was making her smarter. I just wanted more action.)

She forms a ragtag team of vampire hunters: Charlie, Jacob and his father, Jessica, and the eccentric school janitor (yes, I added him), and they become a glampire ass-kicking squad, armed to the teeth (or with teeth, in Jacob's situation) with ways to take down the Cullens. (Yes. In this book, Jacob is already a werewolf.)

After months of training, the team ambushes the Cullens during their game of baseball. The Switzerlanders are there. (And Victoria is actually showing off her "wicked curveball.") I can just picture Billy in his wheelchair, using his sharpened wheels as weapons, and Charlie all badass with a shotgun. And clumsy Bella running with a slingblade, trying to decapitate vampires.

A bloody massacre ensues. Precious lives (and unlives) are lost.

Towards the end of the fight, Edward, the last remaining vampire besides Laurent (who wisely decided to disappear at the beginning of the fight), lunges from the shadows to kill Bella. Jacob attacks him midair in wolf form. They land a good distance away, in an almost cartoon-like cloud of dust, leaves, and flying fur.

Bella runs forward with her slingblade and trips, the blade flying out of her hands. Edward picks it up and swings to stab Jacob, but Bella flings herself in front to take the attack all slow-mo same-scene-from-several-different-angles style. She is injured badly. No. Scratch that. She is knocking at Death's door. (But he's too busy watching his favorite soap opera to answer, so, naturally, she stays alive long enough to make it to the hospital.)

Jacob gets so mad, he makes the Hulk look like a pansy. He basically rips out Edward's throat and then shreds what's left of his undead...redead...totally dead body in anger. The eccentric janitor runs toward him to calm him down while Charlie rushes to Bella to check her vital signs.

Jacob comes out of his anger and runs toward the hospital at speeds that would make the roadrunner jealous. Bella is in a coma for a few weeks after some intense surgery, but eventually wakes up. It's at this time where Jacob and Bella admit their feelings for each other. But there is no Prom Night. Ever.


Wow. I had way too much fun writing that. I know it's not much better than the original. I mean, there are still plotholes and Bella is still stupid and clumsy, but at least there was some action and the whole plot wasn't drowned in sickly sweet lustmance scenes...

Some interesting suggestions here so far; I have no idea how I could top them.

However, my suggestion would be to make Bella stay with Jacob throughout New Moon, and remain loyal to him and not care for the sounds of Edward's voice. After all, Jacob showed Bella that he loved her, he didn't just tell her as Edward did. So she falls in love with him, then, eventually Edward returns.

Edward, realising what he has done, and that he's driven away the girl of his dreams (/snicker), goes mad with grief and kills himself pursuant to the idea in New Moon of him forcing the Volturi to kill him.

Then Jacob and Bella live happily ever after.


...Until Jacob turns into a wolf, goes nuts and kills her.

When I first heard that little detail about why Jacob liked Bella so much, I was so fucking horrified. What kind of sick, twisted freak comes up with shit like this and has it go beyond the bowels of LiveJournal? I was more and more horrified by each book as I read the series. I didn't think anything could be worse than Inheritance, then here comes Twilight... PaoPao has a lot of shittiness to make up before he will reach Stephenie Meyer's epic screwball level...