How are you feeling right now?

Wonderfully Wonderful

still in my sad room..

The boredom factor on my feeling-o-meter is almost 100 percent.

Other than that I'm not too happy. I've been feeling pretty down lately, mainly because of the huge ass load of work I have to do.

I've been thouroughly confused. It's been 7 days since my last post, and 6 days since Journey said yes.(Yay me.) But the sixth day was the worst so far. She's mad at me, and I'm not sure but I think I made her cry. This morning she told me she loved me, and I couldn't say it back. Yes, I know I've liked this girl since March, and she's only like me for a month or so, but still. We only became close about 5 weeks ago, it almost too hard to say it. Perelandra worded it the best I think. "Tell her that relationships are about honesty first, and that you don't want to lie to her. Tell her that you do have feelings for her, and that they are growing, that they still have growing to do before those words can come out." I honestly think that's true. I know I have feelings for her, but at six days, saying I love you isn't a commitment I'm ready to make, if that upsets her, I guess I'll have to find a way to make her happy again, but she needs to see my point of view.

Until next time,
Jing~

Extremely hungover from excessive drinking last night. Wow, it was a good night of drinking. I was thinking about going to bed soon, I am really tired.

update: Been awhile. Journey broke up with me from convincing by her sister that I'm not good enough.

News: Well, this will kind of seem like broken thoughts, but here it is. I've been contradicting myself lately, and I'm basically just going to copy paste what I told pere earlier.

Well there's this girl, Abigale(Since Journey and I broke up, unfortunately), who I like, you see. I'm not sure if she knows I like her or anything, but we were talking in French the other day.(The class, not the language.) Everything I said, I regretted it, thinking I sounded stupid, or that I was rambling.
Well, the day after, I talked to her best friend. Told her that I liked Abigale, and told her how much of an idiot I made of myself, but she told me that Abigale wasn't annoyed or anything, or she would have told her. Well, then I regretting telling this friend because she tells Abigale EVERYTHING, so now I'm worried she's going to tell Abigale I like her.
But if Abigale finds out I like her, I'm not sure how she's going to react, so I'm worried about it, and have been thinking of denying I like her if she brings it up, but then I think, what if she likes me, and I keep going back and forth like this.
Then I thought about how when I used to be a druggy/drinker(Which I'm sure you remember), and Abigale is what I would classify as a 'good girl', and wondered what she'd think if she found out, and thought about lying to her, but then thinking that lying to her would be stupid, because maybe she'd be more accepting if I was honest about it, but then I wondered do I come out and tell her?
But if I come out and tell her, what if she doesn't like it, so I should wait until she asks, but if she doesn't ask, I never tell her, and that seems like lying to me, and I just don't know what I'm thinking anymore...and you just went away...

i'm really excited for this steelers game today in fact i'm so excited that i can't sleep and that sucks cos i can drink better after a little nap. been up since 7 last night, worked too and walked hella far to get home. think i might be passing out at halftime.

angry.