The famous Three Years

Ok, I am very nervous posting this, as it is my very first time writing any DBZ fiction, despite being in the fandom for eleven years. I haven't written the whole thing yet, I have been merely writing down scenes that have been in my head for a while. it is mainly based on a roleplay I did online, and it is where I got most of the ideas for the fiction from.

I first got the beginnings of an idea for this fiction whilst watching Dragon Bll again. In it Bulma was quite the adventurer, as it was she who first came across Goku and they went searching for the Dragon Balls. In DBZ, she still kind of had that sense of adventure, but not quite as much.
I began to wonder if Bulma ever wished she could be out and about with the warriors and actually become a warrior herself. In the fic, I am going to have Bulma go out into the Wastelands with the intention of training, but she finds it far more difficult than she expected. Her Capsule House is destroyed, along with all her belongings in it by a dinosaur and she finds herself having to take refuge in a cave high up in the side of a mountain to hide from the creature.
It is mornign when Vegeta finds the ragged, tired woman, and in usual Vegeta fashion goads and mocks her. In a fit of anger, she challenges the Saiyan, brandishing the only two things she had left out in the Wastelands (a steak knife and a piar of hair straighteners! >_<) and the arrogant prince decides to scare her with his power.

Apologies for the long intro, I'm just trying to let you guys see where I'm tryingt o go with this! Anyhoo, here's a taster of what I'm working on, please tell me what you think so I know if it's worth working on or not. I shall put it in the next post so there isn't just a huge wall of text!

It's been a long time since I have written fiction, so many many apologies for the utter crapness, and please be gentle with me!

“Hah.”

He laughed once to himself as he heard her last words before he was about to take to the high skies. Vegeta was unable to resist the temptation of calling her on the claim of might she spewed so dramatically. A moment later, he dropped back down to the plateaus ledge, continuing to keep his back turned to her. The Saiyan only tilted his head mildly to the side, allowing him to peer back at Bulma out of the corner of his eye.

”Maybe you aren’t as smart as everyone thinks you are. Openly challenging a Saiyan to combat?”

Vegeta’s near sadistic grin never faded from his face, appearing to harness his arrogant charm to weaken Bulma’s misplaced fortitude.

“Do you wish to try your hand at your claim?”

Gradually, he turned to face the ragged looking woman, whose hair was currently as outrageous as his own. A single hand was drawn from his side, from which he pointed a finger directly at the genius inventor.

“Or is your bark bigger than your bite?”

His hand rotated at the wrist to turn his palm upside, letting his fingers bend and beckon Bulma to test her strength against him.

His power level slowly began to rise. Vegeta made the gathering of his energy noticeable in order to shave down Bulma’s determination. Small rocks and dust began to pool at his feet, turning over and revolving in the turbulence his summoning of power created.

The winds about him shifted awkwardly, rapidly changing their course to avoid contact with his body and creating a constant stream of howling air into the occupied cavern. His spiked hair flailed wildly and loose areas of his training shirt flapped in the same manner. The faintest hint of an evolving aura blossomed around the Saiyan Prince’s figure, glowing weakly in fluctuation of blue and white colors.
With Vegeta at the only exit to the cavern, it was easy to say that she was definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Bulma’s eyes widened a little and her mouth became suddenly dry. Watching the Saiyan openly flaunt his power, made her want to scream and run away, but where would she run to? Aimlessly into the darkness where anything could happen to her? What if there was a dinosaur was back there. That last thought turned her blood to ice as she realised just how foolish she had been. Anything could live in the depths of this cave, and she hadn’t even thought to check.
Licking her lips nervously, she shifted her feet into a stance Roshi had taught to her when she was younger. She was poised to move quickly out of the way should she need to.
The rise in his power level continued to increase until his energy output suddenly ceased without any warning. Changes in the weather went back to normal as if nothing had ever disturbed them, letting the winds die down and breeze freely as well as allowing the risen fragments of dust and earth to fall back to the ground with a clatter. His grin still jerked mildly, as he took another intimidating step closer to Bulma.

“I can feel the change in your power level as you get nervous.”

His body’s image seemed to distort a bit as he continued closer to the war-torn looking woman, flickering off and on with a hazy blue appearance and accompanied by heavy gusts of air rising from nowhere. Finally, he came to a stop just a few inches in front of Bulma, where he glared at her for a moment.

Vegeta’s hands pushed forward bearing the steak knife and hair straighteners Bulma previously wielded, which he dropped to the dirty cave floor with an amused laugh. His dark eyes narrowed as he walked steadily towards the trembling blue haired woman, enjoying the obvious fear in her eyes.
Bulma gasped and her eyes widened as she felt her back hit the cave wall, and yet Vegeta kept coming. She jumped as both the Saiyan’s hands slammed on either side of her head against the ragged cave wall. With a deadly smirk, Vegeta’s head descended down to whisper in the trembling woman’s ear.

“You can lower whatever guard you have left. I’m not going to harm you.”
His amused appearance wouldn’t fade as he took a step to the side and leaned into the cold embrace of the cave wall. “I would feel like I’m taking a victory away from the Wastelands, who have beaten you down considerably already.”

Sexual tension, my absolute favorite. I congratulate you on the will and courage to write and post this little excerpt. I have to say I like the idea of a flustered, disheveled Bulma trying to make it in the wastelands. I have a fic that kiiiiinda follows that premise (not completely but vaguely similar, except it's a one-shot pairing Bulma and Goku for one night of incredible sex). Let's just say Son-kun lost his virginity to a certain blue-haired vixen.

Not to stray from the main point. I think the idea has enormous potential and it would be easier to issue a critique having read a proper chapter. What I see here is very good, and shows you have a hold on the characters... Bulma putting up a fight and Vegeta attempting to intimidate her. I really like that

The only tiny concern I had was the sentence structure in some places, for example:

Vegeta’s near sadistic grin never faded from his face, appearing to harness his arrogant charm to weaken Bulma’s misplaced fortitude.

Perhaps something like:

Vegeta's sadistic grin lent him an arrogant charm which he used to weaken Bulma's false sense of control.

I realize the idea may be slightly off from what you were trying to say, (hopefully not haha). If I'm not off by too much, the idea may come across just a teeny tiny bit clearer. But that's just a little thought that popped in my brain.

What truly matters is you oughta keep writing! You definitely got the talent and you're onto something. I really really like predatory Vegeta Your characterization is very good.

You know, I'd been agonisiing over that bloody line for agaes cause it just doesn't seem right to me! Thanks hun!
Thank you very much for your kind compliments, I was terrified of posting this, as I love V/B and there are a lot of very talented writers out there who do the characters so much justice. I was scared of being flamed to high heaven!

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind being my beta, if that's ok?

I also enjoyed reading the story as well LW. You've done a marvelous job and you should post more of them.

Aw shucks... thanks... I really didn't expect people to like it!

Nice job! Please keep writing. I want to see it posted as a fic!

Thank you!

Well... I guess I'd best get on with it, hadn't I?!

You're very welcome hun.

Sure.... why not. I am not SUPER BETA like Lisab used to be, but I think I can at least be able to help some.

I think you already have my email address. If not it's brisamatinal@hotmail.com

Hope to see your stuff soon.

Thank you huni! You seem to be on the same wavelength as me as far as Vegeta goes, so I think you'll be a lot of help! I have been working on the first chapter today, so I should have something for you to see soon!

I'm going to move this to the writer's section since it seems like this is more of a request for feedback than promoting a story in progress.

Ah, sorry hun! Thanks for moving it!

Not a problem - sometimes it's hard to figure out where to put stuff.

Ok... I have finished the first couple of chapters if anyone wants to read them. Leave a message here and I'll PM them to you.