Hi, just submitting this for posting in the Writer's Workshop. I would
like the letter and the actual fic to be posted together. Thanks a
Dear DBZ and Fanfic Audiences at large,
I know I promised it would be sooner than this, but after all of the
heavily mixed response I found myself hesitating. There's nothing like
an unpopular decision to really make you think twice. And this is, in
essence, more unpopular than someone rewriting the book of Matthew.
But you know...I've thought about this twice. Three times. Four times.
In fact, the real reason I am writing this is simply because I can't
stop thinking about it. In more ways than just one.
I don't think anyone else except the online community can understand
exactly the effect that a haunting story has on others. This computer
inhibits our expression, practically cuts it in half. I can't express
sadness, fear, joy, guilt, or anger without spelling it out. And while
smileys DO have their place in my everyday communication...I don't
think a writer can tell a story with them and them alone. But this
story is terrific. Beyond words. It has made something wonderful into
So what could I...my lowly soul...hope to do with it?
Some people will read this--and what is to follow--and say that I can't
come up with my own material. That I can't write my own stories and
have to take another's. That I don't deserve to change something this
well-written and deep. And in this train of thought, maybe....maybe...I
am experiencing the reason WHY this story is unfinished. What the
author went through. Someday I hope to know the answer to that stray
But really, if one would know me...some of you may and some of you may
not....and further still some of you I would through my storytelling
invite to GET to know me...you would know that this is about much more
than stealing, remixing, rewriting, rehashing, or clinging to something
that will never be.
It's a challenge. It's a throwing of the gauntlet. It's a musing. It's
something that has hung low in our mind's eye whenever we read it--and,
anticipating the spider in our hair or the branch scratching our faces,
we cringe. But it never comes. But through me, or through another who
may seek to evolve it even more...maybe that cobweb will drop in our
eyes. It's a thrill, a rollercoaster 360-degree spin, and a cyclone on
the horizon tearing up the air itself.
And the best, most awesome thing about it is...that it can all be
unmade, and by Lisa's hands, SAID to be true or untrue or 'pretty-close-
but-a-little-different'. And, in my dream, she sits and spins the story
the way it was meant to be in her eyes.
But until then, I have no choice but to move forward. I hope you, dear
reader, will stick with me through it.
Cheers. And enjoy.
A Love Letter to Lisalu
The game Reprisal was a popular one amongst the inhabitants of Heaven.
A simple board game, the object was to get your opponent to surrender
their pieces or to scorch the board with the intense heat that the
crystal figures would generate. That fire took the place of fighting.
After all, this was Heaven. War, conflict, and intrigue were all things
supposed to be left behind in your mortal existence. But the people of
the Higher Realm found out many ages ago that life--even life eternal--
was not in its true form without conflict and resolution. That the
boundaries between light and dark can be drawn only with those lines.
The air was still, and one broken pillar revolved around the stone
stairs that led up past the point where one would simply float into the
abyss. The only distinguishing features of this place, made out of the
mist, were two massive dragons. One was missing an eye, the work of
time or a very skilled graverobber. The other statue was turned on its
side. And in the thickness of this seemingly deserted forum, a high-
pitched chuckle weaved into the fog.
"Another one for me! My dear, this is absolutely sinful enjoyment.
Although I suspect you are letting me win," There was another sound,
cloth on stone. She was silent, but the old Kaio understood. Reprisal
wasn't meant to be this much of a massacre.
"Twelve squares burned out, five taken. You are running out of ground.
You are lucky. A long time ago, before the rules started, you would
have to allow one round on the back of your hand." The hair on Kaio-
shin's face danced with the light wind and his own breaths. He regarded
his guest with a victorious smile.
"That would be unpleasant. I am thankful."
Kaio blinked. "For the rule change?"
"For rules in general." The hushed tones were in keeping with the
slender ivory-clad woman's countenance, and she was proving to be the
most interesting Reprisal opponent the elder Kaio had ever faced. Or
girl. He wasn't sure, but in the onset of this game, the enchanting
little darling appeared to be little more than seven. Over the course
of the round she had aged ten years. Peculiar.
His reverie was interrupted by the sizzle of two touching crystals.
They burned and illuminated their faces with brilliance, then after a
moment Kaio-shin's piece faded and dropped out of its stasis, defeated.
The square ate itself away, as if acid had been poured on its surface,
and it adopted a dirty obsidian color. The red crystal advanced.
"Do you know what I love the most about this game?" Kaio tried his hand
at conversation again. It wasn't everyday he had company, especially
company so lovely. Beautiful girl. But she was so quiet!
"In Reprisal, you cannot revisit a square once played. If you want to
keep ground to battle on, you must surrender your crystals. I have seen
my brothers win with only one crystal remaining against a dozen. And
still I have seen the shine of five crystals fade against bad odds."
Her next move challenged the piece on the far left of the board. A
foolish move, he almost felt like telling her. By losing that space she
would trap what remained of her forces on less than six spaces to fight
on. Instead he continued talking.
"It's a lesson, you know. About war. About mercy. It teaches one to
bide their time and let their enemies be struck down by fate or their
own wrongdoings. Letting the enemy destroy themselves, whether by
destroying the place they desire to conquer or by vanquishing their own
Light. Their own resolve."
"The Light of Jouten?" Her first full sentence in minutes, and a
question at that. At least he was making headway. He nodded, a strange
light filling his vision.
"Yes, the Light of Jouten."
"And aren't all beings entitled to the Light of Jouten?"
Kaio blinked again. He ignored the crackling of their crystals this
time. He looked straight into the eyes of his guest, and immediately
wished he had not. Her face was small, long, like the rest of her
body...but the ensemble itself...of the face and the golden eyes and
the dark black hair that twisted its way over her folded arms into her
Kaio didn't know why, but he wanted to vomit the moment he fully beheld
"I asked you a question, Kaio-sama."
His purple skin waned and paled. He wiped at the intangible sweat at
his brow. Sweat? It wasn't hot. Was it? No. NO.
"You are the victor, Kaio-sama. This game is over." The woman shifted
in her seat, and again the elder of the two was assaulted with the
image of a young girl.
"That face...I know you..."
"Yes," She placed her hand on the game board palm-down. "You know me,
but there is something you don't know."
And seemingly for the first time, Kaio looked around at his
surroundings. This...this wasn't Heaven. This wasn't Heaven! Where...
"Don't you want to finish with the old rules?" The young woman's eyes
led Kaio-shin's to her pale hand.
"I...I...." His voice sounded more and more feeble with every passing
second, like the life-force was being suckled out of him. His vision
He paused for a steadying breath. A breath and not a shudder. "...This
is not my home."
"And we are not playing a game. We...we are not playing Reprisal."
"Reprisal doesn't exist, Kaio-sama."
And the moment she said it...the ideas, memories, and strategies were
lost to him. And he knew she was right.
The Inhabitants of Heaven were just that. In Heaven. And as such, they
had never known fear. Until Today. Until right now.
Kaio looked at the face he could no longer see for the tears in his
"Who....who ARE you??"
Unlike the elder Kaio, her eyes had never left her opponent's face. Her
She slowly turned up the palm of her outstretched hand...and something
shiny, flat, and BLACK scuttled around in her hand.
Kaio-shin had not even a second to scream.
She looked out into the mist as the insectoid has its feast, her
expression not changing even when the ringing sound in her ears told
her that there was no longer a body but rather a soul that was serving
as the pestilence's meal. The calm was still on her face as the black
thing grew in size and turned its now bulbous body around almost
clumsily to scan its environment hungrily. It prepared to take
"Enough," she said with sudden ferocity. And the hellish insect checked
its movement. She held out her arm, and the Arrak-jin crawled its way
up her small hand and into the sleeve of her tunic.
She stood, letting her skirts sway on the coarse stone. She produced
from her other sleeve the one thing she had the foresight to take, and
set it on the blank face of the marble-looking table.
Then she was gone. And Old Kaio-shin's earring rolled onto the floor,
the only thing remaining of him.
The assassination's only witness.
Kavi, before I give my feedback on the story part itself, I want to make a few comments ^_^ :
I can tell by your letter that you have an incredible passion for this fic and I think that is wonderful! The letter to the Salon alone is a well written, moving piece of work! I wish you luck in your endeavor.
Okay, onto the story. I have to admit, and hang my head in shame, that I have not read the Lisalu fic that you are attempting to finish (or rewrite). I can only comment on this particular piece. And I am pretty lame at feedback, so don't hate me! :lol: I like your writing style. It's descriptive without being too wordy. Nice dialogue. It fit the scene and kept the story moving forward without bogging it down. I was a little confused in places and I don't know if that is because I didn't read the original fic, because they will be explained later or because I am as dumb as a box of rocks! Am I supposed to know what the 'Light of Jouten' is right off? What was the 'one thing she had the foresight to take'? And was Kaio-sama still in Heaven...or...was he hallucinating...? Or are these things that are to be revealed later? Or are these questions supposed to keep me reading! :lol:
Anyway, good start. Sorry my feedback is lame! ;) Good luck!
I have to say judging by this you did a pretty good job of capturing the spirit of her writing style. I'm highly impressed!