Jokes, Best jokes ever

[ACE]

And More...

your momma is so fat, when she went to an all you can eat buffet they had to in stall speed bumps

Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

You momma so smelly, she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down, and Ban get off strike!

Yo mama is so stupid when a drowning man asked her for a lifesaver, she said, “what flavor?”

yo mama's so fat she looks like shes smuggling a volkswagon

yo mamma's so ugly she went to a haunted house and came out with a job application.

yo mamma is so stupid.. She sits on the TV and watches the couch.

yo mamma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless telephone.

yo mamma is so ugly, she Trick-O-Treats over the telephone.

yo mamma is so fat, when she wares a red sweater everyone yells "Kool-Aid"

yo mamma is so fat, when she plays hop-scotch she says " LA, Chicago, New York"

Your Mama is so fat, when she wears high heels she strikes oil!

Yo mamma so fat when she put on an x-files t-shirt a helicopter landed on her

Yo mama so dumb she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

[ACE]

I got these jokes from... www.spicyjokes.com
Some of them I wrote myself.

[ACE]

And some other jokes for you...

The Lottery
A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."

[ACE]

There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later. "Congratulations!" everyone shouts. 2 hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try" everyone shouts to her. Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their arms."

[ACE]

Q. What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth.

[ACE]

Q: What do Santa, The Tooth fairy, and smart blondes all have in common?
A: They don't exist.

[Ace 0f Spades]

Yo momma's so hairy, she's got afros on her nipples.

Yo momma's so fat, she bites her chest when she coughs.

Yo momma's so nasty, when she crawled into a tub of hot water for a bath, the water jumped out and said, "Nah, I'm cool with that."

Yo momma's so fat, she made the bridge sag when she went bungie jumping.
Comeback: If my mom made it sag, yours must've broken it.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter into a parking meter and waited for a gumball to roll out.

Yo momma, is so stupid, that she was yellin into an envelope, and said she was trying to send voice-mail.

Yo momma is so stupid, I taught her the Runnin Man, and haven't seen that ***** since...

[ACE]

Good comebacks to those jokes.

"Hey hey hey! Get of those jokes and I'll get off your mom"
"Leave my mom out of this and I'll leave me outta your mom."

[ACE]

Q. Why are men like money in the bank?

A. Because first they put it in, then they take it out, and then they loose interest

[ACE]

Q. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A. Sexual Harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.

A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out." The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!"